By day, I fancy myself a qualitative researcher. That means that people’s stories matter to me-significantly more than their answers to Likert scale questions. I’ll read a qualitative research study from just about any academic discipline-but skip right over the quantitative stuff. For that reason, I loved You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church . . . and Rethinking Faith by David Kinnaman. In conjunction with Barna Group, Kinnaman culled data from hundreds of thousands of interviews, conducted over a 27 year time span, and then conducted approximately 5,000 new interviews of 18-29 year olds, asking them to “describe their experience of church and faith, what has pushed them away, and what connective tissue remains between them and Christianity.” You Lost Me is the result of all that data collection and analysis.
I’m not an evangelical Christian (although I do consider myself to be a Christian, despite the many who suggest that I cannot claim that label due to my membership in the Mormon church . . .), but I read this book with keen curiosity due to various people I have known who have either left the Mormon church or who struggle to stay in it.
Kinnaman writes,
One of the things we learned from this research is that there is more than one way to drop out and more than one way to stay faithful. Every person goes on a unique journey related to his or her faith and spirituality, and every story matters. The reasons young people drop out, as similar to each other as they may seem, are very real and very personal to those who experience them. We in the Christian community need to bear this in mind (pg. 25).
That makes my qualitative researcher heart sing. Every story matters.
So what does the data show? Why are so many young Christians leaving their churches?
Despite the differences between Mormonism and evangelical and mainline Christian churches, there are a lot of similarities when it comes to the way young people experience the religion of their childhoods. Some quotes were eerily reminiscent of things I’ve heard friends say, such as:
I wonder what percentage of . . . “Lost” Catholics feel like I do, that we did not leave the Church, but rather, the Church left us.
I hung in for a long while, thinking that fighting from within was the way to go, but I ultimately realized that it was damaging my relationship with God and my relationship with myself and I felt no choice but to leave.
Kinnaman came up with three broad categories that describe young people who leave the Christian church.
Nomads walk away from church engagement but still consider themselves Christians. They are neither in nor out of the church. Kinnaman’s research suggests that most nomads are “out of commission” for about three years-sometimes longer. Here are some of the things that characterize nomads:
- They still describe themselves as Christian.
- They believe that personal involvement in a Christian community is optional.
- The importance of faith has faded.
- Most are not angry or hostile toward Christianity.
- Many are spiritual experimentalists.
Prodigals lose their faith entirely, no longer describing themselves as Christian. Kinnaman distinguishes between “heart-driven prodigals,” whose reasons for leaving are rational and well-reasoned, and “head-driven prodigals,” whose faith burns out in an extremely emotional fashion that often leaves them with lingering feelings of anger and bitterness. Here are some of the things that characterize prodigals:
- They feel varying levels of resentment toward Christians and Christianity.
- They have disavowed returning to church.
- They have moved on from Christianity.
- Their regrets, if they have them, usually center on their parents.
- They feel as if they have broken out of constraints.
Exiles are now physically and/or emotionally disconnected from the church but desire to remain connected in some way. They are stuck in an in-between place. Here are some of the things that characterize exiles:
- They are not inclined toward being separate from “the world.”
- They are skeptical of institutions but are not wholly disengaged from them.
- Young exiles sense God moving “outside the walls of the church.”
- They are frustrated with “slick or shallow” expressions of religion.
- They struggle when other Christians question their motives. Many exiles fly under the radar with family and friends who misunderstand their motives.
My relationship to my own church these days makes me feel like a cross between a nomad and an exile (with a side of shredded carrot jello and another of funeral potatoes just to show that I have Mormon street cred)–although I’m not a perfect fit in either of those categories.
Mormon friends, does Kinnaman’s framework describe Mormons who leave or who consider leaving? Or does Mormonism need its own categories?
I definitely feel like every category applies to me, but especially Prodigal and Exile. However other twenty-something ex-mormons I know feel no guilt whatsoever and are definitely not Exiles. They have moved on.
So refreshing…I need to read this book.
So refreshing…I need to read this book. I feel most like an exile. I love every line that you posted to describe them. I am also a nomad but I feel more emotionally connected to the lines used to describe exiles.
Ashley, it’s definitely worth a read. I may milk it for a few posts (ha ha!). Lots to think about and compare/contrast.
None of the above options fit neatly into my current relationship with religion. A friend once described my status well with the term, “religious refugee”, which seems like an appropriate fit.
Although, I do really like the phrase “spiritual experimentalist”. That seems to fit.
I’m definitely a combination of parts of all three, and more heavily leaning towards nomadic. I do think Mormonism needs it’s own categories simply because of its own complexities as a niche Christian religion. We could totally name the stages after BOM characters! Korihor definitely needs to be used. :)
How funny, Amanda! We could have some fun with that.
A former member of the bishopric in our ward calls me Korihor all the time (because I told him that a woman in an old ward said I was like Korihor for voting for Obama in the last election . . . she said I was being deceived by Satan).
I have been considering myself a “Mormon Pariah,” but “Exile” sounds pretty accurate too.
Heather, I don’t know what categories Mormons would use that would be different. I think if we translated all the words that say “Christian” to “Mormon”, it would change the meaning some. I think this is because I see a big difference in being a Christian and being a Mormon.
Interesting! I’m not an evangelical Christian either (Catholic), but I’m probably a nomad + exile, too. My husband leans toward the prodigal. But we still go to church sometimes (and I just joined one of my churches’ choirs!–my choir sings only 1x/month so that works with all of the above.). It’s always hard to fit everything into three categories, but these seem to be reasonable starting points.
I am a prodigal for sure. I think that those catagories do cover it and I don’t see a need for new or different ones for Mormons.
I love this!
What an interesting topic. I’m adding this book on Goodreads right now. I think I’m a combination of nomad and exile, with the teeniest bit of prodigal (in that, yes, I definitely do feel some resentment toward the church right now). These descriptions seem to fit my experience pretty well, actually. Could some of you share what you think would need to be different for the system to fit Mormons specifically? I’m curious about that. Fascinating post, Heather.
Very interesting. I am definitely an Exile, but some of a Nomad too (the spiritual experimentalist part). I think these categories apply pretty well to Mormonism. However, becoming estranged from or leaving Mormonism is additionally impacted and complicated by the doctrine of eternal marriage and families and the temple worthiness issue, which may prompt a person to keep up an appearance of being in a different place than where one actually is emotionally.