I was sitting on the grass reading during my son’s soccer practice, when an older man took a break from his walking exercise, stopped, and sat next to me. Out of the blue, he began to talk about God, and pretty soon we were off chatting about The Buddha, Jesus, meditation and what it’s like to look for truth in this messy world of ours. I was tickled, as I always am when someone chooses to chat about the very stuff I live and breathe all day long. Maybe he sat next to me because I was reading a book on spirituality (I can’t remember), or because I looked comfortable close to the earth in half-lotus pose, or perhaps his old age prevented him from caring about the social norms of talking to strangers about God. Maybe he sensed that I really wanted someone to share my heart with. I’m not sure why and I wasn’t surprised, as people tend to somehow smell my desire for esoteric conversation. Regardless, I was grateful to have a friend to sit with on the grass and pass the time talking of such things.
I often feel the loneliness that a bhakti-yogi-type living in the suburbs does. A loneliness of living in a world that looks different than the one other people live in. A world where my internal reality is miles apart from what is going on around me. A world where I know I may be stirring up trouble, or worse yet — yawns, when I bring up the subjects of my heart and soul.
So I sat grateful and amused, with this strange new friend of mine and chatted happily with him about The Buddha. His eyes were twinkling and he seemed as tickled as I was to find a little quiet space — a sanctuary in the middle of the busyness around us — that was calm and safe and exciting in which to share. I loved it, as I never tire of experiencing the divine; talking about it, teaching it, and sharing with others what’s in their hearts, minds, bodies and souls.
The Buddhists teach, “All instruction is but a finger pointing to the moon; and those whose gaze is fixed upon the pointer will never see beyond.” Religions and philosophies make up these fingers. Some fingers are old and gnarled and struggle to point straight. Some fingers think they are pointing at the moon, but point to a bright star without knowing better. While the finger cannot be the moon, we can use these pointers, these descriptions of what is real and strive to look beyond. I’m voraciously interested in both — the many fingers as well as the moon.
Investigating something that cannot be described, touched or named is a daunting task. Yet, if we are to reach the experience of reality, one of our best tools is using words, concepts and ideas to help us calibrate our fingers so that we are at least pointing each other in the general direction – and if we’re really lucky, the precise direction – of the moon. From there, it’s up to us to look beyond, to move from a place of concepts to a place of true experience.
This Sanctuary is a way to retreat, to explore the topics of mind, body and soul with reckless abandon. It’s a place where we honor all of the fingers pointing at the moon, while still acknowledging that we must look beyond. It is somewhere to play with the divine in its many forms, the concepts that work for us, and the ones that don’t. It’s a place to learn, to unlearn, to ask the big fat, fearless questions. A place to figure out what is real, what is illusion, and whether that matters at all. It’s a place to sort through our dogma and decide what, if any of it is worth keeping. This sanctuary is a place to see our true selves more transparently. Oddly, this sanctuary is a place for fearlessness.
Let’s play adventurously with the very stuff we’re made of – body, mind and soul. Let’s geek out on the big questions of life and explore new ideas. Let’s go deep and brave and wild. I invite you to pull up a piece of earth, pause in the middle of the chaos and rest your weary ass next to mine. This is your sanctuary. Nobody will fall asleep on you here!
I am already breathing deeply and feeling light as I read your first essay here, Laurie. I am looking forward to having another place I can rely on for sanctuary in my life. Blessings.
“A world where my internal reality is miles apart from what is going on around me”
I love this. Sometimes I feel like my internal reality is different from even the one I’ve placed myself in. I can relate to needing a place to speak the secret theories of my mind. Why are we given the capacity for understanding if we’re not meant to explore and question the unfathomable? You’ve created a wonderful space here. I’m excited to explore some different realities!
Maybe there’s a way to see the soccer practice’s connection to the moon (or suburbia’s), rather than their separation?
Sean – If I “am” the moon in part of this metaphor, I feel like the dream state blows across me like clouds. Sometimes I’m clear and sometimes I’m a bit foggy regarding my own awakening. Sometimes I feel that lonely separation and wonder if it’s inevitable. If it is a stage, or a part of the journey. Other times that kind of busyness is easily absorbed and I’m able to sit and soak in that connectedness through my senses.
Adyashanti describes it as “nostalgia” – when he described watching the world go round and the people surrounding him, and knowing that he would never see the world as they do again. I thought that was interesting! It’s certainly different than my experience of loneliness.
“I often feel the loneliness that a bhakti-yogi-type living in the suburbs does. A loneliness of living in a world that looks different than the one other people live in. A world where my internal reality is miles apart from what is going on around me. A world where I know I may be stirring up trouble, or worse yet — yawns, when I bring up the subjects of my heart and soul.”
I have experienced this type of loneliness. I never know what to do with that feeling. It hurts and I always find myself becoming resentful that there is no accommodation for my perspective. Last night I found myself sitting at my computer writing vitriol in a post which I never intended to publish. It was about absolutism and the over-looked suffering that is experienced by many at the cost of it. This was my reaction to that ache and loneliness. I guess I was seeking some sort of healing in getting the words out but indulging those emotions did not bring me peace or reconciliation with the world. Instead I was left with a feeling that I was choosing the losing side of a battle and reveling in my martyrdom.
Really I guess I don’t care that so many people see things different than me but I still tend to look to them for validation. I’m supposed to be connected to them somehow. Perhaps understanding the roots of this desire will help me learn how to transcend it. I never thought of this loneliness as being a necessary and positive step in my journey. That brings a hope and positivity into things I had not expected.
“This Sanctuary is a way to retreat, to explore the topics of mind, body and soul with reckless abandon. It’s a place where we honor all of the fingers pointing at the moon, while still acknowledging that we must look beyond. It is somewhere to play with the divine in its many forms, the concepts that work for us, and the ones that don’t. It’s a place to learn, to unlearn, to ask the big fat, fearless questions. A place to figure out what is real, what is illusion, and whether that matters at all. It’s a place to sort through our dogma and decide what, if any of it is worth keeping. This sanctuary is a place to see our true selves more transparently. Oddly, this sanctuary is a place for fearlessness”
It’s surprising to recognize the strength that comes from allowing such an open atmosphere of exploration. I can’t help but meddle with questions and concepts that are far beyond me. It gets me into trouble but this is where I find real substantive happiness, from reconciling my life with the knowledge I am able to obtain. Somehow its worth it. I really look forward to reading everyone’s thoughts and observations on this blog. I am happy to see a forum that is cultivating such an open approach to spirituality.
Maybe you can’t see if someone’s finger is really pointing at the moon unless you are standing exactly where they are standing…..
Great article, Laurie! Your many talents astound me daily.
What a wonderful post.
Yes. That resonates with me, too (and I loved reading all the very thoughtful responses above). So glad I stumbled across this sanctuary. After poking around the site it didn’t take long for me to bookmark Doves & Serpents. Thanks.
-Scott
I wish I would have seen this a few days ago, when I was so desperately seeking sanctuary. Thank you!
If you are a dreamer,come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer. If you’re a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!
–Shel Silverstein