I’ve come to believe I must be half Mormon-girl, half rebel. I’m a sucker for a theme, a central idea to focus my efforts, yet the traditional “charity never faileth” or “kindness begins with me” just don’t seem to inspire.
So when choosing a theme for my family this school year, I was drawn to a song from “Spamalot” based on Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The scene shows the gathering of the dead from an impoverished town during the middle ages. When an overzealous man tries to get rid of somebody by putting him on the cart, the nearly lifeless body starts pleading his case that he’s “not dead yet.” Facing a fate he’s not ready for, he even breaks into song and dance proving how alive he really is.
This part of the musical spoke to me. Sometimes I get stuck in a rut and routine, deadening my senses with busyness, internet surfing or going through the motions. I procrastinate life assuming there will always be more time, avoiding risk and discomfort rather than taking a leap of faith. Sometimes I dismiss things I really want to do by succumbing to an idea that fun and pleasure are not worthwhile pursuits. Occasionally it takes a wake up call for me to prove I’m not dead yet and get about really living. I decided this year could be the wake up call for my family.
Preparing for the big day when I revealed the theme, I bought everyone jewelry and breakfast bowls with skeletons and skulls on them to serve as daily reminders that we’re not dead yet (hence the theme motivated Mormon girl in me). I bought myself a glittered skeleton to hang in my office to inspire the sparkle in my life.
Now to remind us of our theme, we talk at dinner about the things we did that day that made us feel alive – it could be trying a new food, making a new friend, speaking up when we’d normally stay quiet or finding a caterpillar on the way to school. It’s about waking up and living in the present.
And we’re writing the words of Mary Oliver from “When Death Comes” on our hearts:
When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
When it is over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.
I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.
Part of me feels a little rebellious for this theme. I’ve been raised in a faith that teaches the next life will solve all the woes of this one, that there are sacrifices which must be made on earth for the promise of eternity. But I can’t believe we’re here just to “endure to the end”, I choose to believe there’s honor in standing up and declaring “I’m not dead yet!”
What makes you feel alive?
I’m with you and Mary Oliver. This life is the only one we’re sure of. If we wait until the next world to expand and enjoy our relationships with others, if may be too late.
Men are that they might have joy
I’m with you on living. Sometimes we have to do things that we need to do to have a life. Adventure, music, art, love, spending time on something you really like brings joy. Not just joy for the next life – but joy right now.
It’s just plain depressing to be overwhelmed with things that don’t interest you that you should do for your own good. Sometimes I’m like you, I want to be inspired and happy and carry a skull around with me.
Course correction & Angie -I’m wondering if you think it plays into the “eat, drink and be merry” approach that we’re warned about in the scriptures. Are there any decisions we should make solely based on our future eternal life?
One other idea that has hit me is the idea that being awake and alive necessarily means having joy. I’m not sure it does. Sometimes I imagine the really bad moments of pain in my life as being great stories in the next – like I’ll get to tell me friends “hey, guess what I got to go through . . . ” To me being alive doesn’t mean having a pollyanna existence, but one that embraces life rather than avoids it (hence my need to remind myself to take some risks).
Makes me think about childbirth – I chose natural birth because I WANTED to experience the pain and it all. The best decision of my life! I came out of that grueling & painful experience a stronger woman, proud of myself, and I wouldn’t trade knowing what it feels like to give life for any comfort I can think of. I wish I could find a way to re-educate women of our generation (and the next) that it’s something to embrace and not to fear and shrink from?
Otherwise I know I’m not a big risk taker, it has to be obvious for me to see the value. I will start thinking about this in a different way… I like it, thanks Mel!
Love that poem! Do you ever feel slowed down by regret at missed opportunities so much so that taking advantage of opportunities to come slip by? Sometimes I feel stuck in that rut. But I love the idea of living life more fully. Thanks for the reminder.