I may have been known to make fun of “dance moms” and “cheer moms.” If I had a son who was into sports, I’d probably be making fun of the super competitive dads that are yelling at their kids when they strike out and armchair quarterbacking the 4th grade volunteer soccer coach’s decisions. It’s easy for me to roll my eyes and think (or sometimes say, although not directly to them, of course): “Sheesh. Get over yourself. You had your adolescence already. Move on. Grow up. Get a life.”
I have done all these things before. I’m not proud of it. I spent my high school “career” being a royal snot about all the girls who were into drill team, cheerleading, the homecoming court, etc. (I wrote about it here: https://dovesandserpents.org/2011/08/on-starting-high-school/)
But here I am. Our oldest daughter Kennedy is 16 ½. She just took the ACT Residual (an ACT that’s only applicable to the university in our town; this is so she can take dual credit courses in the fall) this morning. I took her picture in front of the testing center and someone made fun of me on Facebook for it. I get it. It’s funny. However, in my own semi-self-defense, I took the picture because the testing venue is called Kennedy Auditorium-not because she was taking the ACT. Therefore, I couldn’t resist. Plus, she was nervous and seemed to be in a negative head space, so I was teasing her that she owned the place.
Test score results were supposed to be available beginning at 2:00. I had a meeting with two students at 2:00, so I took care of that first. Then I called the admissions office to see if they had her scores. They did. I was so excited. And nervous!! (She might as well have been, gulp, trying out for cheerleading or the dance team.) He asked whether I had a pen so I could write down the numbers. I did. I listened-with bated breath.
He told me the numbers. They sounded good, but I told the guy on the phone, “Okay, great. Those don’t really mean anything to me, but I’ll look them up on the ACT website.” He said, “You really don’t know what they mean?” I said, “I really don’t. I’m nearly 40, and when I took it, the whole thing worked differently.” So he explained, briefly, that the scores were quite good (yay!).
I was happy. I felt . . . oddly validated (cringing as I type this). I called Brent. We virtually high-fived each other. Then I texted Kennedy and told her that she killed it (yay again!). And then I called my Dad, who has nurtured something of a lifelong hobby for college-related trivia, so I knew he’d be interested.
And then, it dawned on me: we are the nerd version of “dance moms.” [Cue the Jaws soundtrack.]
And then, another realization: I’m not trying to relive my college selection process-which is what I have assumed the dance moms are doing as they shepherd their girls around from hell to breakfast and prep their make-up and their hair, etc.-at least I don’t feel like I am. I didn’t even look at colleges. I took the ACT once. I applied to one school-BYU. I got in. I left home. That was that. There was no college selection process. I decided to do what my sisters did, which means: graduate from high school a semester early, start as a new freshman in January at BYU, live in Helaman Halls, go on study abroad to Spain, major in Spanish. I didn’t do everything they did (gasp-I got married at 19; they definitely didn’t advise me to do that!), but I followed them exactly in the beginning.
I don’t have any regrets (even though I turn 40 in two weeks, so I’m due some life regrets, right?).
Still, I want to manage this process for her. Oops. I meant to say that I want to help her manage the process for herself. There’s a lot to consider:
- Type of school (public/private?)
- Size of school
- Admissions requirements
- Cost
- Fit
- Location
- Academics
- Non-academic stuff
- unknowns?
And then there’s actually getting in. Which schools should she apply for? Should we sign her up for an SAT prep course? Should we send her off on an international “experience” — will that help her application “stand out” from the crowd? Does it help her more to have AP credit or dual credit? How much help do we give her when it comes time to write personal essays? We’re going on a road trip this summer-which schools should we visit and which can we skip?
The list is endless. I’m excited to go through this with Kennedy. Let’s face it–this is something I get. I may not have chosen a college, but I’ve spent most of my life taking classes and working in universities. It’s familiar turf for me. I certainly don’t feel that way about dance or sports. Any sporting anything.
But I totally get that some people (many people?) will be turning up their noses at me-maybe in the same way I do at the dance moms (sad, I’m a loser, I know)-and wonder why I can’t just get over myself. You had your adolescence already. Move on. Grow up. Get a life.
She has two years of high school left. Here’s to hoping we remember that it’s (mostly) her decision. ;)
;
[ETA: Brent is worse than I am on all these college-nerd fronts. Just sayin’.]
“The nerd version of dance moms” – love it! I can relate. :)
Oh yes. Me too…. :-).
This was hilarious! I, too, think I will feel very similar to you when my dd’s approach college. It can be a fine line–not being the helicopter parent, but at the same time giving her all the knowledge/direction/experience you have to offer.
I’d be interested as to your thoughts if one of your children decides not to go to college, or isn’t interested in it. My parents were both educators, so it was like, of course we’d all go to college and beyond–no question (and we all wanted to). Now as a parent, I’m trying to find that line between how I value higher education but at the same time what if my child decides not to go to college and letting those generational priorities go. (I know, first world, upper class problems…) I hope that I will be supportive and celebratory for any path my child takes after high school. (Except if she chooses to go to BYU, then I don’t know if I can be uber happy…)
I applied only to one school, too, (BYU), and regret not looking into other options. I followed my 2 older sisters’ paths. My younger sister went rogue though, and went to a small, liberal, all-women’s college–now THAT I wish I would’ve done! So proud of her for doing something different and finding a way to work out the finances, etc.
I think it is fun. I have a planner for my oldest so she is all into planning it out. She recently got info from a college in London and is trying to figure out how to go there. It is really trying my patience to not tell her she is being ridiculous. She is getting 4.0s and plans to get an IB diploma (against my advice) because she thinks the IB diploma will open more doors for her (in England). Oh well, at least all her crazy plans are positives in my nerd parent world. I wish I could facebook her grades because I am super proud of her. I don’t think it is fair that it is ok to facebook a kid’s homerun, but not a 4.0. Our society is messed up.
Corrina, my 4.0 daughter recently thought maybe she could get a job in London as a firefighter. (Not sure why). I was completely supportive of this idea. In my opinion it is a job that pays money. If any of my kids have a plan for a job that pays money I will be behind them. Firefighter training is short (once you get in via the test). It seems just as likely to succeed as her previous idea of a physicist with 6 years of schooling or more, with no guarantee of a decent job at the end.
The only plan I will not be behind is my child wanting to stay with a minimum wage job full time and not pursuing education or skills for something more. I also will not consider my child’s dream to “be an actor” or “be an artist” or something like that something that I will financially support. If they want to support themselves at a job and pursue impossible careers, they will have to do it without living at home or me paying their bills.