The LDS Church recently implemented a pilot program in the East Apple 2nd Stake in Nevada.
Each ward was instructed to form a “modesty” committee comprised entirely of women. It was to be chaired by the Relief Society president. The committee’s task was to define modesty standards for their respective wards.
The women on these committees got right to work. After several weeks of prayerful deliberation, they determined that the men (and boys) in the stake were dressing immodestly.
Here is a transcript of part of a joint priesthood and relief society meeting (held during 3rd hour) in one of the wards:
. . . .
MEN: Why did the committee choose to focus on just two items?
WOMEN: We fasted and prayed, and then determined that these were the two issues that cause us, as women, the most discomfort. For a number of us, these issues incite lustful thoughts and make it hard for us to feel the spirit.
MEN: Just to clarify, what qualifies as man-boobs, and what does the committee mean by proper support?
WOMEN: We think that’s something each man should prayerfully consider. In general, if jiggling or jostling is visible underneath a typical dress shirt, then additional support should be worn.
MEN: But why is this a problem? It’s never been a problem before?
WOMEN: All we can say is that the women on our committee identified this as a particularly difficult issue. Men need to be more aware of the kinds of thoughts that their clothing can inspire. They need to be considerate of the women in the ward and do everything they can so that women can come here on Sunday and feel the spirit. All the men in this room, ask yourself, do you want to be responsible for a mother, or a wife, or a daughter being unable to feel the spirit because they are distracted by your unsupported and undulating flesh?
MEN: But no one makes bras for men? Where are we supposed to get them?
WOMEN: We’ve been assured that they are available in the marketplace (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Male_bra).
MEN: We don’t understand the second item.
WOMEN: We wanted to address this one second. It’s a bigger problem than moobs. Apparently, this behavior is sometimes referred to as a “junkjustment” or an “adjusticle.” We understand that it’s also referred to as “pocket pool.” One of our committee members reported that her husband refers to this as a “ballroom dance.” [e.g. Bob’s underwear was all bunched up, so he did a little “ballroom dance” to get his genitals into a more comfortable position in his pants.]
MEN: We don’t understand.
WOMEN: Effective immediately, all men (and boys) should wear clothing sufficiently thick or bulky to prevent this behavior. Two layers of thermal underwear or an adult nappy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adult_diaper) should do the trick.
MEN: Wait a second. All men are now supposed to wear two layers of thermal underwear (or an adult diaper)? It’s summer. Yesterday it was 103.
WOMEN: Yes, that’s correct. We want all the men to know how much we love and appreciate them, and we realize that this may result in some inconvenience, but it’s important that men avoid becoming walking porn.
MEN: But can’t women just control their thoughts?
WOMEN: I think I speak for all the women that have served on these committees when I say that I find that to be a pretty insensitive comment. We aren’t the ones running around with our chest flesh flapping in the wind, or adjusting our junk in front of the opposite sex.
MEN: Why aren’t you talking to women (and girls) about these issues?
WOMEN: We’ve looked into it, and all the women (and girls) are already behaving modestly. We haven’t seen a single problem in the last six months with man-boobs or adjusticles from women (or girls) in the stake. Modesty appears to be a problem that just the men are struggling with.
MEN: What about sports? We have the men’s basketball tournament this weekend?
WOMEN: Yes, you’re right. We should have mentioned that. These rules apply, of course, to all those participating in the tournament.
MEN: But this is ridiculous. Men don’t wear manssiers or Depends anywhere else?
WOMEN: I think it’s important that we recognize that there is a difference between The Lord’s standards and The World’s standards. I want the men in this room to ask themselves if they really want to be responsible for causing women in this stake to sin?
[Note: After three weeks of attending church in manssiers and adult diapers, a number of men developed interesting rashes. At least two men suffered significant discomfort when their scrotums became stuck to their inner thighs and they were unable to adjust “things” in a timely fashion. The ward modesty committee determined, however, that these inconveniences were worth it if they helped the women of the ward maintain virtuous thoughts. The women on the modesty committee reminded the men in the stake that the Lord would bless those that exercised exact obedience with respect to the new male modesty guidelines.]
Brent, I think the RS committee forgot to tell the men how precious they are and how sacred their bodies are and how covering up their man boobs is the way they show love and dedication to Christ. Performing priesthood service like giving blessings and cleaning a widow’s yard is not nearly as effective in showing that dedication as covering up.
These men clearly don’t have enough respect for themselves. Don’t they know their bodies are temples?
Please tell me this is just a parody of our culture in general and not a specific incident that really was tasked with a modesty committee. Dear God please don’t let it be true that this happened in the reverse exactly as you mentioned.
Very, very good stuff!
Teehee! Thank you, Brent.
I posted this on Facebook and tweeted it, “properly” mentioning that it is from Doves and Sir-pants.
Shawn, that’s great.
Truly, I don’t know what’s crazier, telling men they have to wear Depends in order to avoid subjecting the womenfolk to constant “junkjustments” or telling young women that they have to wear knee-length shorts when they are off BY THEMSELVES IN THE WOODS CAMPING in the MIDDLE OF SUMMER in TEXAS. The difference, of course, is that everyone thinks the former is, of course, a ridiculous joke, and the latter WE ACTUALLY DO (and the women in charge actually enforce it, and the girls actually do it). I just told our middle daughter that she has permission to give the middle finger to any male (or female) authority figure that gives her any of this bullshit. . .
Our stake tried to make the girls sleep in full length pajama pants in 100 degree, very humid weather. You know, because modesty when you’re sleeping is very important.
This guy is officially converted. Brent, well done!
I’ve got a simple solution for the second problem: pantyhose! Although I should note that in 2012, the rule requiring women to wear pantyhose as church employees was removed.
Oh my gosh, the pantyhose rule . . .revoked in 2012. Wow.
Really fantastic, Brent!
Brilliant, Brent!
This is awesome! :)
You mean every time I had to do a little adjusticle in church I was teasing the women with unclean thoughts?!
I feel so much guilt.
I think I need to talk to my bishop.
Legal and government people often use the term “time, place, and manner” when writing community policies; and I am trying to fit this idea within reasonable application of our Mormon standards. I ask: what is the purpose of strict rule application during LDS events? I see two possible answers: (1) to enforce immediate cause-effect within the event, or (2) a teaching moment to apply to later life, not to fit the event itself. Examples are nearly endless. Parents put a bra-top on their 3-yr old daughter during a day at the lake. Our teen girls wear knee-length pants at girls-only church camps. Many more examples. I ask: when do circumstances alter cases? I like the comments of others about hot Texas weather and other practical details that effect each situation.
Sorry this is brief. I am putting ideas up for discussion. All comments welcome.