“10% of yoga is the outfit, 10% are the poses” the teacher joked at the beginning of class, then followed up more seriously with “80% is just showing up.”
She may be on to something. So many aspects of life I wait to “show up” for because I’m not fit enough, thin enough, rich enough, educated enough, etc. to feel like I ought to show up. But the times I have overcome those doubts I find it was worth it to show up.
I wonder if this might be the real message behind the parable of the 10 virgins. Whenever I’ve heard this story before, I’ve been bothered by the idea that the bridegroom wouldn’t let people in who’d been waiting all night to see him and had made the effort to go buy more oil. It wreaked of arrogance and lacked the compassion I’d always expected of Jesus. It is completely fear-based and just didn’t jive with “knock and the door shall open.”
What if the message is really about showing up regardless of the doubts we have about ourselves. All of us have moments where we feel unprepared or lacking somehow, especially compared with others who are around us. What if we just had the confidence that what we have to offer a situation is good enough, imperfect as it might be?
I’m also bothered with the idea that the other virgins wouldn’t share their oil. I’ve been told before that this is a testimony, but it doesn’t make much sense given the setting of the story. If the 5 without enough oil didn’t have enough of a testimony, why did they wait until midnight? Why did they go out and get more oil? It seems to me the oil represents trust or confidence in your own worth. It’s truly that which can’t be shared. What if the real tragedy was that these virgins each lost faith in herself after comparing to the others when what the bridegroom wanted was for them to show up.
It’s scary to show up when our oil might go out. We might not look or act perfectly in the situation. We might make some mistakes and be embarrassed. But I’ve found if I look back with my 20/20 hindsight, I’ve never regretted showing up, just the times I hadn’t.
What situations do you find showing up is hard, and are there exceptions, times it’s really better to stay away if we’re not all the way prepared?
Note — this post was inspired by an idea shared with me by my sister
I really appreciated this post. Thanks for sharing.
I think this is a great take on the symbolic meaning of the oil. . .
Mel, once again, you’re in my head! Great post.
This was a great post, I always thought the Bridegroom was a little bit of a jerk too. I also liked the question about why the “unprepared” virgins were punished, despite the fact that they were trying to do better.
I do need to try more to “show up” to the events in my life, even if they are scary. However, I think there are times when it is important to set limits on what we can handle, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I think without the limits I tend to burn out, feel like I’ve failed, and then don’t have the energy to “show up” when it really counts.
No doubt! I was always taught that the point of the atonement was to make up for the difference between what we do/offer and perfection (which none of us will achieve). So what gives with this story? It seems very mean-spirited.
It also seems contrary to Christian charity. The whole idea is: Oops, virgins-without-enough-oil, sucks to be you. Too bad, so sad. Shouldn’t they still have shared?
It’s a wild story.
@Stephanie – I was just thinking about showing up and setting limits last night. I think for me it’s about showing up for the things I want to show up for, not every ward activity or kid’s soccer game (I am among the few parents who believe we can skip a few of these games and they will still know we love them). My post was about showing up to the things I think are important (even the ones I might not feel like at the time), not the “shoulds” of my life. It’s a very important distinction, thx for bringing it up.
@Heather – laughing about the “sucks to be you” virgins and definitely agree! I like the story much better with my new interpretation J