In answer to her question,
the religion teacher said
put that question in a jar
on a shelf inside your head,
and all the niggling questions
that rattle through your mind,
seal them tight each in a jar-
shelve them where they’re hard to find.
Once in awhile, get them down,
and shake out each clouded piece,
to see if years and wisdom
will transform them into geese
V-ing through autumn twilight,
pointing to a halcyon sky.
This morning, I found the shelf broken,
and my questions, unbounded, fly.
——————-
by Dayna Patterson. Dayna’s exciting new chapbook, Loose Threads can be purchased online here.
Nicely done.
Thanks, BD!
The analogy made so much sense to me at the time (I was 21 and leaving to go on a mission). I was even immensely grateful to the MTC teacher that recommended this strategy. I think I was caught up in the excitement and prestige of serving a mission; categorizing and shelving my issues seemed the perfect solution at the time to help me move forward and serve a faithful mission. Many years later, after one five-minute conversation with a dear gay friend, the shelf came crashing down. I’m still sorting the pieces, trying to figure out what I believe.
I think Brent and I have both done that for years. I think our current strategy is to do the same–take out ALL the pieces and REALLY examine them. What doesn’t hold up to scrutiny (based on whatever criteria makes sense to us) is getting ditched. None of this just-bottle-it-up-and-forget-about-it business.
Because yeah–so you’ve done that for 10-20-30-40 years, but what happens when all your jars come crashing down? Then you’ve got a REAL mess on your hands.
The more interesting questions, to me, and I mean this with all the sincerity in the world, are:
a) why do some people seem not to even need a shelf?
b) how do some people keep their shelves from crashing down? (And FWIW, I HATE it when the pat answer to that question is: “Have faith, study the scriptures, pray . . .” Because implied in that advice is the idea that I *haven’t* already done that.)
c) why do some people just need one jar or two up there, whereas others need a pantry? Are those who need more shelf-space ;) just fault-finders?
Yes! to Heather’s (b). I think your FWIW helped me understand why it has always been so insulting to me, but I finally got it clear. The implication is the thing I couldn’t clearly identify.
I don’t know that I have a pantry-full, but certainly way more than anyone in my family, or most all of my LDS friends/associates.
Dayna, I loved this. Thanks! Seems just like the kind of thing that can happen in the morning and geese are beautiful like questions.
I’ve never been good at the jar thing or the shelf thing. It’s led to a bumpy ride as I’ve bounced my questions around on people who don’t appreciate it at all. As the people around me kept trying to force my questions in a jar for me, I have been using all my energy trying to show them . . . that is not very Christian or scriptural. It actually led to a lot of abuse – physical and verbal. Bottom line – I’m just too smart to be told to just shut up.
My aunt who has been not been a practicing member since she was around 16 once asked, why do you keep trying to around people who hate you so badly? What does that clique have that you need?
Now that I don’t engage with the jar makers . . . my questions do fly like geese. And I feel free.