Happiness comes from within. It may be one of the most overused spiritual statements, and most of us would agree with it — despite evidence to the contrary. Seriously, what evidence do we have that happiness comes from within? When I think about the things in life that I’ve really wanted to own, to achieve, or to experience that I have in fact received, I actually was happy. Very happy!
Let’s see, let me think about the things in life that I really wanted. I wanted to marry my adorable husband and finally settle down. (Because at age 21, I was so “over” the young adult single phase.) I loved being married, I loved having sex, and I loved being with my husband who felt so much like home to me. Then, I really wanted to have a baby. That little guy brought me so much happiness and fulfilled a life-long dream to be a mother. Big joy. Huge. There was the second car I really wanted to buy so I wouldn’t be stuck in the apartment all day with that little baby. That car brought me so much freedom! Freedom felt amazing. Then, I really wanted to be physically fit for once in my life. I became a personal trainer, took up jogging, and my jeans from high school were loose on me! I loved my body for the first time ever — I was SO happy. Then there was the house that I really, really wanted for a really, really long time. We worked for that house, saved for that house, and bought that house. In an act of gratitude, I painted every single wall in that house a vivid color to remind me constantly that it was MINE, and that I could in fact paint those walls any color I wanted to without having to ask anybody’s permission. I am tickled when I look at my house, it looks like me. And, I really wanted to open a yoga studio, a real community where yoga could flourish and it would feel like an extended family. Done! One of the most amazing things I’ve ever accomplished. OK, so far my stuff, my kids, and my accomplishments have all made me extremely happy.
Yet, it’s not that simple. On one hand it’s very true, getting what we desire results in happiness. The trick is, that another person, a car, one’s body, a home, or a job are not the source of our happiness. What makes us happy is a reprieve from wanting. In that moment when we get what we want, we are free from desire. For that brief blip in time, we are suspended from wanting anything and are able to tap into our true nature – Perusha – the divine nature that transcends time and space. We sense that feeling of peaceful emptiness, of wholeness, of contentment. Happiness coming from within. Pretty soon, something comes across our awareness that changes our experience and draws us away from that sensation of contentment. Marriage loses it’s newness, babies grow up and talk back, that Toyota Tercel needs a new engine, bodies age, homes need repairs, and businesses begin to own you instead of the other way around. We want again. We feel desire. And often, we think that if we just move on to the next thing, then we’ll be happy again. Until we’re not.
Maybe there’s better way, a way to shortcut the desire and acquisition and go straight to the happiness. Maybe there’s a way to live in a state of contentment and transcend the impermanence of the moment. The pragmatic would say, “Oh, now that we’ve seen this cycle of desire for what it is, it’s easy. Just stop wanting.” Ha! I say, “Go ahead. Try it and tell me how that works for you!”
Stay tuned for more on attachment, Purusha and prakriti. I think it’s a subject worth big exploration. In the meantime, let me ask you, “What was the thing that you wanted most in your life? Did you get it? And did it make you happy? Does it still make you happy, and only happy?
I love the connection between this post and Matt’s yesterday… certainly there’s something wrong with the way our culture often uses and abuses the term ‘happiness’. Life has to be about more than the monochrome of a single emotion… and yet I think we’d all agree that there’s a state of peace, warmth and well-being that we’d like to feel more often than its opposite. Is there a place for the LDS concept of ‘joy’ in this discussion – ? I think I’ve always thought of that term as describing something more transcendent than our emotions… something that helps us appreciate and overcome our circumstances, when that’s favourable.
I’ll think more on this… :)
Nothing in my life makes me happy and only happy. All those things and people that are most important to me — my marriage, my children, spiritual seeking, art — invoke a broad spectrum of emotion and experience. My marriage makes me happy, bored, frustrated, lonely, joyful, fulfilled and restless all at the same time. What I have experienced is that when I allow myself to go for the ride, to have more fluidity as I move through these states, something deeper emerges — something that looks more like contentment. In that contentment, I can more fully experience the joy and not get lost in the bad. The trick is allowing myself to let go.
I think your definition of happiness might be close to Mark Twain’s in “Capt. Stormfield’s Visit to Heaven”–
“. . . happiness ain’t a thing in itself–it’s only a contrast with something that ain’t pleasant.”
I really appreciate the idea of happiness being in “the reprieve from wanting.” It’s a moment between, like the pause at a plateau before continuing on … it could not be if not for all the disquiet that surrounds it. For me this is the reason that happiness as a long-term state objective seems more like hell. We are beings of struggle, not rest.
Andy – I’ve always wondered about the LDS concept of joy because it’s not really described in a way that I’ve resonated with. That is how I’ve always thought of it, as something a bit more transcendent than emotion.
Heidi – yes! It’s wonderful to recognize that non-dual place that our relationships and experiences are everything all at once and to not resist that ride.
CC – I’m not sure. There’s this state of openness, emptiness, not-wanting and real contentment that I feel often that seems to have it’s very own flavor. It tastes real, it has great clarity.
I can’t help but feel that my experience of struggle is somewhat illusory. That somewhere – beyond time and space – I am not bound by the impermanence of my fluctuating emotions and mental state. As I get to know that part of myself better – as I wake up to what is beyond my mind and body – I experience greater levels of happiness and less wanting. I think that if we go for a long-term objective, or goal of happiness, we will miss it, because we can’t experience it while in a state of desire – catch 22. Rather, we recognize our shifts, the source of our happiness and allow ourselves to wake up to that part of us which is not in constant struggle. And, in great circular fashion – we want less, we are happy more, we experience less struggle and less desire. Until we start wanting it or expecting it. I’m finding it’s better to just watch it, rather than reach for it.