Our oldest daughter is approaching the magical age of 16. When I was her age, I took a semester-long course at school during which we learned all the rules and even practiced driving. If that were still an option, I would’ve signed up for it post haste. Alas, driver’s ed at school is no more-at least not in Texas. And her band commitments make it so that she can’t take any of the available courses offered by private providers (all one of them available in our small town). So that means we are teaching her to drive.
I don’t love it, but it hasn’t been as bad as I might have anticipated it would be. She’s got a good head on her shoulders and she seems to realize the gravity of what she is doing when she gets behind the wheel. She turns off her cell phone and puts it in the glove box. We turn the music off so she can concentrate and is sure not to miss any of my only-sometimes-muffled gasps.
But at some point, that sense of caution and hyper-vigilance brought on by the novelty of driving will wear off, right? And then what? What will keep her from starting to do one of the many things that might distract her from the road? There’s the new distractions-namely, texting and iTunes selections-but plenty of old distractions as well, like eating, putting on make-up, fooling with the radio, bickering with siblings, shouting at crazy drivers, singing along to favorite tunes, etc.
The first time (of many) that I took her to the DPS office to get the permit, I couldn’t help but notice all the graphic posters meant to scare kids into driving safely. There are posters depicting the physical scars that can be inflicted on someone as a result of drunk driving.
There are posters depicting missing family members at the dinner table-or at a graveside ceremony-as a result of drunk driving.
Posters depicting prom fun ruined by drunk driving.
Sometimes a high school will display a wrecked vehicle outside the school with ominous signs warning students that this could be them if they drink and drive.
Does this stuff work? Does it convince teenagers to drive more sensibly? and just to behave more sensibly in general? I feel like it doesn’t. I feel like most teenagers must respond to these object lessons with a shoulder shrug and a “That’ll never be me.” And I’m not a fan of using fear to intimidate or manipulate people into acting a certain way.
Still, we can’t just shrug our shoulders back and say, “Oh well. Because we know you won’t pay attention anyway, we won’t bother . . .”
So how do we do it? Did your parents pull it off? Did they manage to convince you-via fear or manipulation or guilt-to drive sensibly? Or did they find another way to do it? Have you done it successfully with your teenage drivers?
I have 4-5 months left to get this message across. (Too late?)
I was raised by a single mum. She told us frequently that she’d grown up in this town and knew more people than we knew she knew (follow my drift?) and that each time she saw her friends they’d tell her how we were getting on when they’d seen my sister and me around town. Were we happy / making good choices / being goofy / being good kids / being irresponsible / being downright brats. It was a “takes a village to raise a child” mentality. My mum appreciated it. My sister and I were very respectful of it (frightened!) and kept ourselves on good behaviour so that we wouldn’t shame her with her peers. She wouldn’t tell us all the times that folks had reported back but used it as a way to calibrate our honesty and attitude and adjust her parenting style accordingly. She’s a good mum. It worked.
And every once in a while she’d drop into conversation some little nugget that let us know she was telling the truth : D
It depends on who’s doing the warning. Fifth Gear in the UK has done a bunch of really impressive crash tests. They’re car enthusiasts: they love fast cars, they love to drive hard, and they appreciate great performance. And they let the results of the tests speak for themselves. I can tell you that our 12-year-old son has never forgotten watching this earlier this year.
We had been looking at crash test videos of minivans, to explain to our kids why we were choosing a newer model over an older one. (See iihs.org.) They’re impressive to watch. The videos are posted on YouTube, saving the IIHS servers the bandwidth, and at some point we saw a Fifth Gear high-speed crash test video in the right-hand “suggested” column. They tested a Ford Focus at 3x the usual test speed, and it was completely obliterated — it simply caved in on itself. Again, given the source of the video, our son was suitably sobered.
I don’t think this would have had the same impact if it had come from a bunch of official scolds.
Here’s the Focus test, along with a little intro that references some of the other crash tests they’ve done: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4PjSVOnrVg
Our oldest daughter’s first boyfriend’s father made his son research and report to him the cause of 100 traffic accidents. This young man may have been careful by nature, but he remembered the lessons of his research well and drove very cautiously. I was impressed how cautiously he drove. On one occasion I heard him say that he couldn’t drive somewhere because he was so tired and worried that he would not drive safely. Not typical adolescent behavior. Nature or result of parent-required research?
My memory is that I heard in some psychology class (like my precise reference?) that fear-based motivation doesn’t work all that well.
I have no idea how to get kids to take driving seriously. I almost wonder if the amount we can do as parents is limited. You said your daughter has a good head on her shoulders. That’s probably just how she is temperamentally, right? I mean, I think different kids are more or less prone to thrill seeking and risk avoidance than others, and that’s just how they’re wired.
Sorry this is no help. :)
4 out of evry 5 road deaths are male so your daughter has a pretty good chance of surviving. If you have sons I think it is a question of teaching them to behave responsibly since they were old enough to start understanding, so thy behave responsibly when they can drive.
I taught my daughters to drive. The first was the most difficult, we found out she had a disconnect between her brain and her extremities just before she started driving. At school she could give verbal answers but had trouble writing them even though she could write. When learning to drive she often drove into things and would explain that she knew she had to brake but her foot didn’t obey. Once she got so she drove automatically, without having to conciously think about it, she was OK and has now driven in other countries, and on other sides of the road without problems. The rest of the girls were no problems. We would go out and let them drive while sitting in my lap from the time they were about 10, and then as they could reach the pedals drive themselves.
2 of my grand sons now have licenses and more are about ot start driving. The boys are the worry but if they are resposible there should not be a problem. I hope.
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