I’ve recently been coerced into being the “facilitator” of a group at my university called “The Parenthood Juggle” to talk about the difficulty of balancing parenting and work. It’s a funny group. Faculty members who are also parents think it’s an important group; they want to come, but they can’t — because they’re too busy juggling all the demands of parenthood.
I’ve been feeling the pinch of this whole parenthood juggling thing more acutely lately — I’m so busy. I teach full-time (four different courses per semester) at a regional university, I am supposed to publish original research, and do professional service at the national, state, community, university, college, department, and program levels (Whah! Poor me! I love my job, though, so feel free to disregard my whining). I have three kids who are way too busy (which is within my control, yet somehow seems out of control). And my husband works in a city that’s 70 miles away, which means he either gets home late every night or spends the night there to reduce his commute time.
So basically, it’s just work, me, the kids and the babysitter. But when you have three kids who all have to be in three different places at the same time, the babysitter plus me still doesn’t cut it. I often attempt to do way more things in a short period of time than is humanly possible. I’m so busy (I already said that, didn’t I?) . . . Here are some of my best (worst?) multi-tasking moments as of late:
- Got home from work at 5:10, changed clothes speedy quick and took Stuart to 5:30 soccer practice with girls in tow. They waited in the car while I ran one mile around the soccer fields. Jumped in the car and drove Kennedy across town for a French horn lesson at 6:00. Drove back to the soccer fields. Ran a second mile while Marin waited in the car. Grabbed Stuart from soccer, drove back across town and picked up Kennedy from French horn lesson. Got home at 6:50 and remembered that those little people have to eat (gets me every time).
- Got home at 6:20, yelled at the kids to get in the car, and drove them to church for an activity at 6:30. They were late. Stuart and I ran to the grocery store and then raced back to the church to pick up the girls at 8:00. We got home at 8:15-at which point I realized that I hadn’t yet exercised and really needed to. Changed clothes speedy quick. Booted up computer and started streaming a Pilates video on Netflix. Did Pilates workout while yelling (note to self: yelling at the kids is not good) at the kids to put on their PJs, brush their teeth, and lay their stuff out for the next morning. Then Stuart brought me the book we had been reading and I read to him aloud while finishing the Pilates video. He pitched in when I got out of breath.
- Here’s my best one — Tuesday came around again and I realized I hadn’t even taken my guitar out of its case since, ahem, the previous Tuesday during my lesson. But the kids still had choir practice, soccer practice, and dance. So I hatched the perfect plan: I would practice guitar in the van during Stuart’s soccer practice! So I got him settled at practice and grabbed the guitar and climbed into the back seat. Let’s just say that the back of a mini-van clearly was not designed for an adult to sit in to practice the guitar.
So what about you? Do you run around like this? Did people always do this? It’s insane. I don’t love it.
Some days I do run around like this. Off of the top of my head, here’s our craziness – My days start super early with seminary and an attempt to exercise. After school care here is ridiculously expensive, so I have to get as much work as possible finished by 2:00. My school pick ups alone usually take two hours: 2:15, 3:00, and 3:00 (30 minutes across town – teenage carpool has to wait) – we don’t get home until 4:15. Usually, I have a husband at home in the evenings, but I also work two evenings. I only let the kids do one sport, once a year. Soccer is almost over, yet I relate to your sneaky little miles of jogging – I often try to get my six year old riding her bike (trying to build that confidence) while jogging and exercising the dog! I schedule the other – swim lessons – for Friday nights so there is no school the next day. I try to make dinner earlier in the day, and exercise in the morning. I say no as much as possible and always wait for somebody else to be the volunteer before I jump in. I think we may quit scouts. Quick easy food is my best friend and lately we just try to double everything we make when we do cook, freezing half for another evening. We HAVE to get the house cleaned, laundry done, yard-work finished and shopping completed on the weekend or we’re sunk for the week. I am currently saving my quarters in a jar and dreaming of buying an old beater-car for my son this summer when he turns sixteen. Can you imagine one less person to drive around!? Sounds like heaven.
Holy cow, Laurie. I used to spend that kind of time in the car doing school drop-off and pick-up when we lived in Baton Rouge. I used to spend 3-4 hours every day just dropping off & picking up–that’s not including any lessons or after school stuff. Life is SO much easier now that we live in a small town.
The food thing is killing me. I KNOW I need to do as you say–cook double and freeze it–but I just can’t get organized enough to do even that. New Year’s resolution??
I do love this post. Working (outside the home) women understand you in a way SAHMs don’t.
I have worked my schedule so that I work about 30 hours a week, and have Fridays off. That is my day to go to the temple, go to the grocery store, get my hair cut, go to the dr, run errands, be in classrooms, etc before the end of the school day. We let our kids to music and one other thing. But, this year was too stressful for my youngest, so we put piano on hold, and she is just doing dance now. It’s made a huge difference in the peacefulness in our home–way less yelling/frustration/exhaustion.
Love your Friday-off idea. I’ll have to think on that one. I’m a professor, so it is a possibility, but I always feel like I have SO MUCH WORK to do, I can’t just take a day off . . . but maybe I would be more productive on the other days?
When I worked full time, we had a schedule of four ten-hour days. I loooooved having Fridays free for all those things- appointments, shopping, etc. Having four longer productive periods helped me get more done at work, too.
Tuesday, I had patients 8:30-2:30 (including a phone consult with a severely postpartum mother, ran to pick up pre-schooler, then picked up high schooler, dropped them off at home and picked up middle schooler who was home sick, took her to the doctor, brought her home and concocted something for dinner and made sure high schooler was having her music lesson, ran to pharmacy to pick up antibiotic scrip, ran home and grabbed high schooler and took her to orchestra concert at 6:20. Concert started at 7 so I had half an hour to check email…. thank goodness for smart phones and husbands- he was home dealing with the sicko and the preschooler. What a day. At least I didn’t have a guitar to practice :-)
Claire, that sounds about like us. The older the kids get, the crazier it gets.
And I have considered quitting my guitar lessons so many times . . . often, when I go to my lesson, I haven’t even taken the guitar out of its case since the last lesson. Our lives are just that hectic. But it seems so lame to just throw in the towel.
And if something has to get cut, why my guitar lessons? Why not one of the kid’s XYZ activities?
So I’m sticking to my guns–for now . . .
It’s a tough one for me, because although I have loads of things that I really love to do, I really believe in the value of ‘hav[ing] time to stand and stare.’ I think life needs time for reflection – I need that regularly – even though busy contemporary parenthood-work combos makes this very difficult. I’ve sometimes tried to do with less sleep, but that doesn’t work so well, at least not for very long.
My tactic so far has been to cut things out – which is so difficult to do – but the only way I can find to fit in the things I want to do most.
BTW, great job on guitar practise! I love playing, but don’t get time very often! :) I have to fit my running in, at the moment!
Andy, I definitely do not have time to sit and stare and reflect. I get all antsy if I’m not going, going, going. I think it’s kinda mental, actually . . .