My first child was born on January 5. The months between her birth and Mother’s Day were, um, let’s just say they were difficult. She cried all day long and into the night. We spent hours pacing the halls with her while she screamed, listening to a Linda Ronstadt lullabies CD over and over and over again.
08 – We Will Rock You (LP Version)
As Mother’s Day approached, I felt like I had earned my stripes. I felt like I deserved a thoughtful Mother’s Day gift from Brent-something that would compensate for the months of pregnant misery I had endured, the episiotomy, the stretch marks, the weight gain, the cracked nipples, the . . .you get the picture. We were watching TV one night and a commercial for a Mother’s Day-related product came up. I commented-something about how I was going to get something fun or nice or cool for Mother’s Day. Brent looked at me quizzically and said, “What?” I repeated my question. He said, “Why would I get you anything for Mother’s Day? You’re not my mom.”
I felt like all the oxygen had left the room. It had seriously never occurred to him to get me something from Mother’s Day because I wasn’t HIS mother. I cried. I probably yelled. I was fragile. He was confused.
The next tired day at work, I told my friend the heinous crime that had been wrought against me. She was not a mother yet, but she cringed in solidarity with me. The Saturday before the big day, she drove by our house and left a Mother’s Day card in our mailbox. She called Brent on Saturday night and told him it was there-just in case he was seriously planning on going through with Mother’s Day negligence.
Sunday afternoon, he and my brother-in-law (who had similarly “forgotten” about it) covered our babies’ bottoms with paint and put the prints on t-shirts for me and my sister. They turned the little baby buns into butterflies and called them “BUTT-erfly” shirts. And thus they saved themselves from ignominious death.
A couple years later, he forgot again. Saturday night, Kennedy whispered to him at bedtime: “Daddy, I forgot to get something for Mom for Mother’s Day.” I was mad (again). I cried (again). He was probably confused (again). So they got up early Sunday morning, tiptoed out of the house, and headed to Kroger to get me a Diet Coke (Kennedy’s idea!). A very nice Mother’s Day indeed. I guess the place was full of men . . . all sheepishly buying the least droopy flowers and looking through the picked-over card selection.
Over the years, we’ve decided that it’s okay for Brent not to give me anything for Mother’s Day. We’re not big gift-givers. We even skip exchanging gifts on Christmas and anniversaries if we feel like it. Our only rule is that if you see something you think the other person would like, you get it-regardless of when it is. No running around at the last minute desperately trying to find an obligatory gift. But he DOES have to facilitate gift purchases/creations for the kids. After all, his excuse (“you’re not my mom”) simply won’t work for them. I am their mom. I grew them. And I’ve got the scars (both real and imagined) to prove it.
I’m curious about what the Doves & Serpents moms out there want and expect for Mother’s Day. Do you want to spend the whole day with your kids? Do you want to spend the whole day without them? Does your spouse give you thoughtful gifts? If he doesn’t, do you wish he would? Like me that first mother’s day, do you feel like your blood, sweat, and tears (ha! that could mean crying tears or childbirth tears, a homophone!) entitle you to something special on Mother’s Day? And lastly, if you’re Mormon, does the token flower you get after the Sunday services make you feel appreciated?
I usually go scrapbook for Mother’s Day, since it’s a big scrapbook “holiday” that generally is around MD. Then I buy whatever I want at that store (within reason) and feel no guilt.
I don’t ask for or want presents, but the boys make silly little crafts or cards and that is fine.
This year I want a particular shirt and will get it :) Oh, and we will go out to eat (on a Sunday! gasp!) so I can take a nap after church and not wake up to have to cook.
I know, I live the good life.
Awesome! I love that you go out for lunch on Sunday and buy things for yourself without guilt. ;)
My hubby’s birthday happens to be ON Mother’s Day this year, and I kind of feel like birthdays trump Mother’s Day. I feel a little miffed about it, wishing his birthday was some other day or that Mother’s Day was on a different day. Not much I can do about it.
He told me that he adamantly nominated chocolate for the church handout in my honor. That gave me warm fuzzies. We’ve lived in an apartment for all our married life, so a flower doesn’t do much for me.
In one ward, they handed out fake silk flowers. They were lovely, long-stemmed roses that looked real from a distance. When the YM came in to pass them out, I was awed . . . until, oh, yep, these are plastic. Big bummer. Mine went right into the garbage.
My mother would positively love to spend all day, every day with me. It really is awful being an only child (especially one given 8 months to live, max). I will acquiesce to her wishes on Mother’s Day, and spend at least breakfast and lunch time with her. By 2pm, I come up with an excuse to get out of there.
Mick, this comment reveals a side of you which I haven’t seen. ;) So you will go home to Houston on Sunday to spend (part of) the day with your mom? You’re a softie after all.
I never liked Mother’s day. In fact, I still don’t care very much for it, but I absolutely love it when my little girl gives me something she made in school for my present. And my favorite was the year she gave me a card that had a big monkey on it, and she said “oh, it’s time to give mommy the monkey!”
growing up, I hated Mother’s Day. My mom would always crab and we’d fight. I now understand that was because of her perceived inadaquecies in mothering. During the 10 years of infertility I refused to go to church on Mother’s Day. Usually me and DH would go out of town. But this year my 5-year-old has been practicing songs in Primary, and was very concerned that she hadn’t gotten me anything for Mother’s Day. So I told her she had plenty of time to do something, and to talk to daddy about it if she was worried.
I have absolutely no memory of leaving that card in your mailbox, but I do remember the butterfly shirt well! I like it when my kids make me something by hand, and we try to eat lunch out so that I don’t have to cook. Eddy helps the kids make their cards, but doesn’t give me anything himself because he and Brent evidently attended the same “How to Handle Mother’s Day” seminar. Great post, Heather!
Robin, you seriously don’t remember that?? I shouldn’t be surprised since I forget things I did, umm, yesterday, but I guess the card-in-the-mailbox-gesture meant more to me than it did to you. Makes sense, then, I guess.
Here’s to another good(ish) Mother’s Day on Sunday. ;)
I want Bossy Pants for Mother’s Day. And the funnest thing about the kid’s crafts and cards is how excited they are about giving them to me. One reason it’s still fun to have a 5 year old.
I just finished reading this, and it was so good. You won’t be sorry!
Love this line BTW
“They turned the little baby buns into butterflies and called them “BUTT-erfly” shirts. And thus they saved themselves from ignominious death.”
Your babies are adorable! I love the diet coke present :)
We had Mother’s Day in the UK about a month ago – my 6 year old daughter wrote me a very sweet poem and my 2 year old had made me a glittery macaroni card at nursery. We had a lovely day together, but I particularly enjoyed the evening when my husband did bedtime and I went to visit my best friend for gossip and take out pizza.
My husband would not appreciate me sharing his soppy sentimental side, but he does get me a card every year and compliments my mothering, along with flowers. Even though he does at least 50% of the parenting, I do love to have my ego massaged :)
I felt entitled to something for Mother’s Day, but equally my husband did for Father’s Day – I’m glad we have an extra two special days to celebrate with each other, but I don’t think we need to give big presents, and I agree with the whole buy something someone would like when you see it thing.. it makes so much more sense. It also makes more sense, I think, to celebrate motherhood on your child’s birthday – but then that’s their day.