She’s the most powerful woman in the LDS hierarchy, and now General Relief Society President Julie Beck is offering to answer questions from the editors of Mormon Mommy Blogs this week. Posing the question to their readers, the floodgates opened on “What would you ask Julie Beck?”
At my last count, 503 comments appear, and reading them gives insight into what Mormon women are thinking and feeling (although you can’t categorize “Mormon women” into one thought or feeling any more than you can categorize all chocolate or all teenagers). I saw questions ranging from boob jobs to child-rearing, from Facebook flirting to the dueling commandments given to Eve. I was also surprised at the incredibly painful sentiment and angst shared by some of the women in the comments.
It seems, women (at least some) are unhappy, and they believe (at least some) that Julie Beck or the church can fix it.
Most shocking to me, were the questions dealing with their husbands. One reader asked:
OK – so I really would like to know how to push my husband to be a better man without pushing him. I know he is capable of so much more, but I don’t want to force him to do it. Help!
Ouch. I had not ever considered the idea that it was something I was supposed to do to “push without pushing” my husband into being a better man. But apparently, it’s not too far out there, because she gets this answer from another reader:
Lisa, Joseph Smith taught this one! It’s wonderful. He taught the women to be meek and innocent, and faithful, praying unceasingly for their husbands and that the faithful women’s example and perfectness is THE thing that will make the weight of the man’s guilt hang “heavier than a millstone about” their necks.
Another theme I saw was a contingent of women experiencing pangs of emptiness after doing what they’ve been told will bring them happiness, yet not experiencing it. Among those comments were:
I want to know what words of encouragement she would offer the sisters of the church who find themselves doing everything they have been asked to do– callings, temple, reading scriptures, praying, tithing etc and their “happily ever after” hasn’t been realized… or it isn’t the version that they dreamed about in their youth.
Or this one:
Now I feel like all I am doing is giving, giving, giving and getting nothing in return. I know it’s the adversary, but even when I read scriptures and pray it’s just not enough. I feel like a hamster running in its cage and not getting anywhere. I feel like many mothers are under attack in this manner, but too afraid to talk about it. I know my life is good, but how do I get myself to realize it? I should talk to my husband about it, but I don’t want him to think I am unhappy with him. I know it’s me. It is like my mind is constantly under attack and I never get a break. I hit the ground running when I get up in the morning and I feel more like a zombie than a good mother.
My heart ached for these women as I read their questions, partly because I went through something similar. We’re so used to turning to the church for answers to our questions, for the leaders and teachings offering us the secret to happiness that we often forget our own light of Christ in guiding us. How can President Beck hope to tackle these questions, which can only be truly answered by ourselves?
Amongst the angst and preaching were smart and sincere questions for Beck, questions about the larger role of Relief Society, women and revelation, etc. This gem is one of my favorites:
How about we ask Sister Beck how we can teach women to not be afraid of asking questions? Questions are not a threat. We can love the Gospel and Heavenly Father, and still have questions.
The number and eloquence of questions like this impressed me. Mormon women are rising to the occasion, wanting to make not only their own homes better, but also their church and their world.
After some thought, I came up with a couple of questions of my own for President Beck:
After reading the questions, what do you hope to accomplish as the leader of this “largest organization of women”?
or
What’s the toughest question you’ve ever asked the prophet?
I know President Beck is powerless to answer why women don’t have the priesthood, when they’ll get it, etc., but I believe she is smart and capable enough to hear this resounding call to step up and lead. She may not have authority to make changes, but she can ask some good questions and own up to some difficult answers. Like any middle manager, she must guard herself because she is at the mercy of those above her, but like any middle manager, she may be in the middle, but she’s all that those below her have.
What would you ask President Beck?
I was most frustrated by the comments of people preaching to the “whiney” women or submitting praise statements rather than questions.
To me this was not so much as an opportunity to have questions answered or to have problems fixed by the church, (I mostly learned to find my own answers a while ago) but it was a desire for her and the leaders to know what we are thinking about, what we are troubled with. I hope Sister Beck hears that message and not the interpretation of many readers who thought the sisters of the church were whiney wanting someone to handle their troubles.
I agree, it’s more about asking the questions than having them answered, and I hope that President Beck reads every word.
I think those who came across more “whiny” than others were voicing a frustration with the plan not working out exactly as they had been promised. There’s not as much self-reliance taught in designing your life, when it’s even role-modeled by Jesus in 3 Nephi asking the disciples what it was they desired. There wasn’t just one right answer then and I don’t believe there is one now.
Oh! I really LIKE your questions. I went to the Mommy blogs to peruse and question. And now it is closed. I am kind of surprised that this method was chosen. It seems a little risky and somewhat opposite to the “don’t send letters to SLC” –talk to your local leaders. And bless their dumb, annoying, little hearts, I was blown away at how many women and men decided that they could be the one to answer the questions that were posted. I guess it is the nature of a blog. But, wow, there sure are a lot of self-righteous people out there that think they can fix anything. At this moment I wish that I could be a fly on Julie’s wall. I wonder if she and/or a board will sanitize the list. I wonder if she will be shocked. I wonder if any real questions will be answered. I wonder.
I would have liked to add:
How do you respectfully tell your bishop that he is micromanaging you and your calling? Our priesthood leaders do not like advice unless they ask for it–and they won’t. Could you Sis. J. Beck work with your priesthood leaders there in SLC find a ‘safe,’ a ‘tap-out’ word that communicates, world-wide, from a sister to a presiding priesthood leader that he is stepping on her toes, that he is not listening and that this is our church, too?
And I am thankful for technology. I appreciated Armand Maus’ reminder in my most recent Dialogue Journal called, “Rethinking Retrenchment: Course Corrections in the ongoing Campaign for Respectability.” My translation of his point is that, thanks to technology, the Church cannot chase down those who are participating in honest or negative speech about the church. He also reminded his audience that back in the 70’s or even 80’s ideas and opinions, like those found here, would have been cases for unlawful disfellowship or excommunication. There are white-haired, living, truth pioneers among us. Umm maybe not even white-haired yet.
I too just saw they closed the comments, which is sad, since asking the questions seems to be therapeutic in and of itself, at least it was to me (and I have no hope that mine will be answered).
I need to check out Maus’s article. I think technology can be a double-edged sword, I’ve heard enough horror stories of people being called to repentance by their bishop for comments on Facebook, etc. While many are able to speak more freely, there are others who are not. In my experience, we are all still “one zealous bishop” away from discipline, despite technological advances.
Hmmm . . . because I was in Costa Rica for two weeks, I didn’t see this until now and therefore feel oddly disconnected from it. In the past, this would’ve seemed like a great opportunity for me–what would I ask Julie Beck??? I would’ve read all the comments and stewed about the questions and the comments.
Now, it just seems tiresome to me. I don’t want to ask her anything. I am not interested in her or in what she might have to say about my life. It feels like asking someone who lived in the 1950s for advice about how to lead my life in 2012.
It feels weird to say that.
Heather, I read through a great many of the questions and ended up feeling exactly like you (minus the “I just got back from Costa Rica” part, unfortunately ;). But I agree with whoever said it is therapeutic for us to ask the questions. How would I distill some of my Mormon angst into an actual question for an actual Mormon leader? I don’t think I would. I’d rather keep it, own it, work it out in my own way.