You Can Recognize Them by Their Hand-Carved Daggers…

I love memoirs.   And I love Tina Fey.   So I was just salivating as my friends and co-bloggers raved about Bossypants when it came out.   Finally, on Mother’s Day,   I stuffed myself silly on waffles, settled back in my bed, and cranked up my audiobook.

Because I am a lactation consultant, I was almost worried when we got to the baby chapter.   I’d heard that there was a ‘funny section about breastfeeding’ and I always cross my fingers for a positive experience for anyone I care about, even if it is a celebrity I’ll never actually meet.   But I should have had more confidence – by the end of the chapter, I realized Tina Fey had me laughing through her biting   humor as she clearly revealed the weapon we make breastfeeding in our interactions with other women.

First, I have to give props to her description of infant formula as the ‘complete and reliable source of stress and shame for mothers.’   It’s amazing to me how much guilt women have about FEEDING THEIR BABIES.   When it comes up in conversation that I’m a lactation consultant,   I often see a tinge of panic in a woman’s eyes as she (perhaps subconsciously) plans how she will defend using formula (once or always) when their children were babies.   She also does a masterful job of shining a light on marketing practices that muddle the picture for new parents.   In baby magazines, articles about how “Breast is Best” are surrounded by heartwarming full color ads of happy chubby babies but in small type letting us know formula   “probably doesn’t cause blindness” and “is the best thing to feed your baby (except for the stuff that comes out of you for free).”

Without the reader really noticing, she also outlines many of the obstacles American women who want to breastfeed can encounter- poor medical advice, hospital nurses giving formula without asking (“I tried to be outraged, but I was pretty tired”), and reliance on a breast pump “because it’s an expensive appliance and we’re more comfortable with them than we are with babies.” (Ouch! It’s funny ’cause it’s true.)

Tina Fey is so funny while she’s telling the story, you don’t catch on right away how much of herself she is entrusting to us.   She bares her soul about the guilt she felt about not succeeding with breastfeeding, all the while wrapping it up with a big snarky bow.   When a dad at a cocktail party brags about how his breastfed baby is going to be a genius, she can’t fight off the urge to challenge him to a duel (in the form of an IQ test “five years from today! My baby will crush your baby!”).

This is the lead-in to her biting commentary on the Teat Nazis.   As a breastfeeding advocate, I have to say I’ve been lumped in with ‘militant breastfeeders’ before, and it stings a bit, because I’ve volunteered hundreds and hundreds of hours over the years helping crying moms on the phone and at meetings who were seeking out breastfeeding help. You heard me- they were asking me- I’m not tracking them down. But as she mimicked the things she’s heard the Teat Nazis say (exaggerated a bit, but probably not that much), I could imagine a younger version of myself saying, or at least thinking, something similar.   These words were the ‘hand-carved daggers’ which reveal the Teat Nazis for their true selves.

I’d like to think that maturity and experience have tempered my zeal.   Well, not my zeal, per se, as it does take a certain passion to make something like breastfeeding one’s vocation.   But I’ve seen the lengths that women go to in order to breastfeed their babies (even, like Tina Fey, hooking themselves up to a “Williams-Sonoma Tit-Juicer for thirty out of every ninety minutes” for weeks) and I know it’s not my place to judge.   Only she knows what her resources are and what is the right time to “say yes” to formula, even though when you open the can it “smells like someone soaked old vitamins in a bucket of old leaves and left them to dry in a hot car”).

Like Tina says, “millions of women around the world have nursed their children beautifully for years without giving anybody a hard time about it.”     The divisiveness and competition can be channeled elsewhere.   Those of us who have been,as Fey puts it, deprived of “outside modes of achievement,” should put away our daggers and stop making our sisters into targets as a way of making us feel better about ourselves and “prove how incredible and impressive” we are.

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Read the back story of our You’ve Gotta Have Feyth week here.