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During my ex-boyfriend’s honeymoon, I sent him a dozen red roses, along with three singing telegrams, which I had delivered three days in a row. The girl paid to sing to my ex was yelled at by his new wife, who was angry at the constant intrusion of their privacy. Evidently, she was offended that her new mother-in-law kept me informed of their whereabouts.
One year later, I rang the doorbell of a handsome new father, his tired wife, and their screaming infant. When the door opened, my ex groaned, saying, “Yep, my mom doesn’t know when to cut off a friendship. Will you ever leave us alone?”
My eyes misted and my hands started shaking. I thought of his mother getting down on her knees, pleading with God for her son to wake up and choose the right woman for his family. In that moment of looking into my ex’s eyes, our souls connected and we merged like popcorn and melted butter. I thought of my own great-great grandmother, huddling with a screaming child in the hull of a ship as it tossed to and fro in a storm, determined to follow her man to America even though he’d left her. The women in my family are strong and persistent: we don’t take no for an answer.
My ex’s Mom is the same way. After my own mom died, she picked up the pieces and treated me as her own daughter. Both of us love Tom. We know what’s best for him. Neither of us can envision Tom spending his entire lifetime as another woman’s husband, so of course we ask others to befriend him in order to gather information. We keep track of where he is, what he does with his time, and we spend hours in prayer, asking for some higher power to humble him, open his eyes and bring him back to a place where he can see the love he’s lost.
Joan Bauer said it well when she wrote this, “I had taken the photograph from afar (distance being the basic glitch in our relationship), using my Nikon and zoom lens while hiding behind a fake marble pillar. I was hiding because if he knew I’d been secretly photographing him for all these months he would think I was immature, neurotic and obsessive. I’m not. I’m an artist. Artists are always misunderstood.”
I too have been misunderstood, but not because I’m an artist; rather because I’m a loving person who wants those in my life to be happy. I see their self-destructive patterns and I want to break them. I know what will make Tom happy, who is best for his family, and what he needs.
I am not alone in this. There are men all over the country who’d like to disregard their mother’s opinion when it comes to who they should marry. Fortunately, they have ex-girlfriends who know better than to leave them alone. We, as people who truly love them, will not quietly slink away. If life doesn’t treat you well, we’ll help you find a job near us and bring you home cooked meals. If you have a heart attack, we’ll call 911. If your babysitter flakes out, we’ll show up on the doorstep to watch your kids. Because you mean more to us than anything, we’ll be there for you no matter what. That’s our reality, and it’s a reality many people envy. Unless you disown your entire family, you will have phone calls, letters, and home visits from those of us who know best.
A few weeks ago, I met with Tom’s mother. We strategized for half an hour on how to get Tom’s preschool aged daughter to come when I called her. Most parents would be grateful to have others pay attention to their children. Most parents would be grateful to have someone like me to love their son and rescue him from himself. It’s the same kind of thing Jesus did in trying to save each and every soul.
Twice a month I meet with Tom’s parents and go over a “List of Love,” trying to bring him back into my life and into the good favor of his family. We pray, read the Bible, seek the will of God, and come up with new ideas. Plans are made. Everyone contributes. Seeking out and rescuing family members means being committed to an unyielding chase of those in peril, even if they don’t see that they’re in peril.
Never forget that you are loved. Never forget that if you’re an ex-boyfriend of mine, you’ll be taken care of, even if you say, “Leave me alone!” Never forget that there’s no such thing as a “Restraining Order” with me.
Try to remember that we all have loved ones (like Tom) who want their parents to stop interfering in their personal life, who’d rather not deal with singing telegrams, flowers, or visits from old girlfriends. Try to remember that for as long as you’re cared for, you will receive those visits. And gifts. And good advice. We’re not trying to tell you how to live your life, only how to be truly happy. And if you say no, we’ll still come back. Because we know your worth. We know that God wants you to be loved in a way that only we can love you. So, yes, we are unyielding: it’s how we operate.
Exactly.
That original article scared the hell out of me.
And the LDS church wonders why other people call them a cult? I love the phrase “tentacles of Divine Providence” in the original article. Not my vision of God at all. Whenever missionaries come to my house I just tell them they really don’t want to waste their time and let the barking dog encourage them to move on.
Wow, are you sure these are not both satire. I couldn’t shake that feeling when I read the Meridian article. Could we call this religious stalking?
:)
Ha ha ha ha!
Thanks for the laugh and the fresh perspective on the issue.
I want to email this to my mother in law!
I love you, person who wrote this. Brilliant. Brilliant all over the place.
This parody is so full of win. Church leaders love to say, “People can leave the church, but can’t leave it alone.”
I think they need to read this (and the original article) and then think on that just a little while. And then think on it a little while longer.
This was absolutely brilliant and moving. The level of devotion and care she and Tom’s mother show are really impressive. I hope they can continue their quest and have Tom eventually see that they know better what is in his best interest.
This was spot on!
So very perfect. I’m weeping with humble gratitude for this timely response to “Relentless”. No means No everywhere but Mormonism.
Thank you, that healed the nausea that has been constantly with me since Joni’s article was posted!!
Bwahahahaha! That was awesome. The Meridan article was downright creepy and this is a hilarious spoof on it! Nice Angela.
Really no one wants to bother those who don’t want to be bother. Formally request your records be removed and people will stop reaching out. Your record is there because you leave it there. You’ve joined and only you can request removal.
Mariam, removing records is not an option for many people whose families would be devastated and insulted by the action. Staying on the records is a way to keep the peace in the family and not offend or be ostracized.
Also, Mariam, I didn’t voluntarily join, I was drafted at age 8. That’s a bit young to be held to a contract.
And thanks, Angela, for this ‘rebuttal’! Made me laugh! I hated the original article. It was incredibly creepy.
Love It! I was reading the comments over on the article you referenced under the picture and the comment here by Miriam. Seems Miriam along with the writer of the other article are advocating that people who don’t want to be harassed to resign. I haven’t because I am lazy, don’t want to kill my mother, and I haven’t been bothered since I left. But she got me thinking; I really should resign. So that article wasn’t all to harmful for me at all. Gave me a little courage to go through with my resignation even though it will be like twisting the knife I stuck into my families lives when I told them I left the church. I guess this December at tithing settlement my poor mother who feels I am evil (a housewife with three kids who goes to the park, library, and cleans house often) will see I am even more than that when I am no longer on her tithing settlement as a member of her family.
Genius, genius, genius. I hope the original author reads this. At the very least, I hope the comments broaden her worldview a little.
I made a comment on the other site, suggesting that Meridian readers might want to visit Doves and Serpents for their take on this item. It wasn’t posted.
Where did you get the almost-the-same-as-the-original photograph??
I found it on shutterstock.
“There’s no such thing as a do-not-contact list in this Church”?!? Yeah, that’s why I resigned my membership.
Just this Sunday one of our Sacrament Meeting talks was about “reactivation”–and the speaker told one of those stories about the Young Men leader who camped out in front of the house of the young man who wasn’t showing up to meetings, tracked him down when he stayed at friends’ houses on Saturday night to avoid him, etc., etc. You’ve all heard similar stories, I’m sure. And of course it ends with the young man in question reflecting back on the incident and expressing gratitude for the leader’s persistence. The whole time I kept thinking, “This is why there’s such a thing as restraining orders.” Not just weird and creepy, but potentially illegal, right?