Many Mormons (adults included) don’t watch R-rated movies. The oft-cited rationale is that once you see those images (“those images” = depictions of violence or sexuality), you’ll never get them out of your head. They’re seared into your brain forever.
I for one know this isn’t true–not for me, anyway–because I can watch a movie (or read a book) and pretty much forget everything about it except for whether I liked it or disliked it in a general sense. I have purchased a book before and read the entire thing-only to discover another copy of the book somewhere, handwritten notes and highlights included. Brent makes fun of me because I forget what happens in movies. I forget big things like who the bad guy is and which guy the girl picks in the end.
So I pretty much dismiss the whole “you’ll never forget” the illicit scene argument.
However, I’m trying really hard to think about what to write about for tomorrow, and I just can’t get this image out of my mind:
This was the introductory activity-the “icebreaker” or the “attention-grabber”-for the lesson my girls were treated to at church on Sunday (Easter Sunday, mind you). The title of the lesson is Sustaining Priesthood Bearers (if you’re not Mormon, recall that only males, beginning at age 12, can have the priesthood in the Mormon church). Every single person whose name is designed to fill one of those blanks is a man. Every single one.
So my girls sat in a room full of adult women leaders (God bless them, every one) and their peers (ages 12-18) and did a “fun” activity in which they identified-by name-every man in charge of their religious life, all the way from the president of the Mormon church in Salt Lake City, UT down to their father (if, and only if, their father is the right kind of guy. It doesn’t mention what to put in the blank if their dad is a non-Mormon or any other kind of average schmo).
It doesn’t mention that there are a few female leaders in the Mormon church-at the local level and at the church-wide level. They work “under the direction of” the all-male priesthood. They’re not included in the fun introductory activity–I guess because they don’t hold the priesthood, and that, after all, is the theme of the lesson.
So I guess I’m eating crow now because I don’t think I’ll ever get that image out of my head.
And I wonder if it’s too late for my girls, now that they’ve seen the image.
Unlike R-rated movies or racy books which I (too) forget after a day or so, this images and the constant barrage of others like it, wears on my soul daily. Much much more damaging to my psyche and my fears for my daughter’s future, are the constant reminders of our submissiveness.
So horrible. I will NOT be using that exercise when I teach this lesson. In fact I might not teach the lesson at all.
BTW I’m the same Heather – I forget what happens in a book or movie almost as soon as I finish it. Makes for some fun re-reads! :D
Wow.
So different than what I want for my daughters: a healthy awareness that they have control over their own lives. I can’t imagine being happy about the exercise even if women were listed there. I’d like all my kids (my son in included) in environments that foster the development of an internal locus of control.
Authoritarian and sexist.
Won’t ever be able to get the image out of my mind now, either.
hum, ditto what’s been said already–including remembering books and movies, but I thought that was just me getting old and I know you’re all much younger than me. Sad for my granddaughters. Maybe I’m just not an addictive personality either but I watched porn a few times to see what the fuss was about and I didn’t necessarily want to watch more, nor are the images seared in my brain. Violence gets seared in my brain much more than sex.
Good for you, Chelsea, and for the YW you teach.
Afterthought: you know what’s distressing to me? With all the hope many of us have regarding Uchtdorf’s outlook on “things as they are and as they should be,” this is something I think he firmly believes in as well. I don’t see him or any of the younger ones recognizing the damage this priesthood emphasis does to the female psyche. He may emphasize PH=service and I’m sure he believes it but he still sees this as the God-ordained domain of men.
First- hi, I’m Jenn, I saw you from the Houston FB group, figured I should introduce myself. I didn’t mind these lessons at the time that I was in YW- at least, not individually. But I swear there was a 2 month stint where EVERY lesson was about sustaining the priesthood and getting married. That’s about when I started skipping the 3rd hour of church, even though I was a great mormon teenager and all that. Now, as my family is deciding just how mormon we want to be, I’m torn between “could I possibly raise kids without the help of the church?” and “do I want my daughter (currently 16 months old) to grow up feeling like she’s incomplete without a man and is simply a wife waiting for her future husband and a mother waiting for future children?”
When I was in YW, “why can’t women hold the priesthood?” was our monthly question lobbed at whichever bishopric member happened to be teaching the lesson. After months and months of whatever explanation he had on offer, we mostly relented, and the question became a joke. But it wasn’t, not really. I didn’t feel satisfied with those answers, and even though I never really wanted the priesthood, I knew that it didn’t sit right with me. Even now, I don’t know how much I value the priesthood: on an individual and family level, it felt unimportant because my mother had stewardship over our family. On the institutional level, I really strongly dislike the idea that my rights in the church derive not from a normative acknowledge of my equality as a child of God, but instead arise from what priesthood leaders see fit to dole out. I honestly don’t know where I stand on this one, or what means for my long-term commitments in the church.
Wow.
This is one of the reasons why I’m glad I have sons. If I had a daughter, I don’t think I’d be able to remain even semi-active just do to lessons like these.
Although, I think its great how you and Brent are raising your girls in the church (that is how you are raising them to be able to think for themselves and still go to church (when they are inclined)). Unfortunately, I’m sure most of the other girls around the globe getting this lesson and others like these (the YW manual is chock full) don’t have that kind of freedom of thought. Instead they are taught that obedience to leadership (aka males) is number one and that to be a “good woman” this must be your top priority.
Maybe I’m being too harsh. Crap like this just gets my blood a’boilin’.
Um, this kind of stuff is just as detrimental to boys. Just in different ways.
Oh and I forget everything too. I think I saw a movie with the hubby last weekend…I can’t tell you for sure though…I forget…)
I have sons and this really disturbs me too. When my #2 boy came home from Priesthood Preview, I asked him what he learned. “That I can baptize people and you can’t,” was his reply. Great. So we had a pretty extensive discussion about how he will always be lesser in authority than me due to the fact that I am his mother. My daughter is nearing activity days age and I don’t know if I can ever bear having her go to that. I’ll have to make my position very clear that if they teach her to objectify herself or in other ways be subjugated to men, she will not be able to participate. There are so many important things we need to teach our daughters – and this is what they’re getting in church? Sad.
Who is your priesthood leader who serves you? Your priesthood leaders get to make all the decisions about the church organization because they are serving you. Duh.
I was always one of those young women who had to fill in some other man’s name. My dad was not nor is he now a member. I remember feeling bothered back then by the fact that I was one of the girls whose father was not a priesthood holder. For a little while I was bothered and upset at my dad. I hate now that I felt that way. I do not for one minute believe that it is intentional, but the fact remains lessons like this create negative feelings and sometimes can even drive wedges between fathers and their children. I knew a lot of great and wonderful men in the church who served with their whole hearts because they loved the gospel and believed in what they were doing. But none of them could ever replace my dad. And my dad was not less of a father because he never gained a testimony of Joseph Smith.
I’m glad that you mentioned that part about the fathers. We have so many ways of belittling people who don’t fit the mold perfectly, and that ought to stop.
This photo of leaders of the church is one that sticks with me. http://www.ldschurchnews.com/media/attachments/57.pdf
It’s a symbol to me of how much I have changed. Fresh from college, and growing up in Utah, it would have seemed normal to me, and now I am just stunned by how white, Utah-centered, male, and elderly this group is.
And, like you, I rarely remember the swearing or sex or whatever from books, although violence does frequently get to me. I remember overall my impression of whether the book was interesting, enlightening, fun, or whatever. So I’ve learned that I’ve got to be pretty cautious about recommending books to friends.
Pretty sure women are also serving in the church……
When our new Primary presidency was called, they held a pancake breakfast for all of the children. One of the “fun activities” was a questionnaire about each sister in the presidency: favorite food, color, scripture, etc. At first it bugged me, but after seeing this, I’m glad they were focusing attention on themselves, the women who actually run the primary.
Yes, Chawntelle! Have the kids get to know the women who guide their spiritual instruction at church. Love it.
Haha, I’ve done the same thing with books and movies. People ask me about books from time to time because they know I graduated a year ago with a degree in English lit, and half the time my response is “I know I’ve read that or heard about it, but I don’t remember anything at all.”
I kind of want to forget this post, though! ;) If my hypothetical future kids decide they want to go to the Mormon church, I foresee a lot of problems with lessons like this. My husband and I are feminists and he’s an atheist, so…we don’t exactly fit the ideal.
Yeah, since it was a sustaining priesthood leaders lessons obviously it can only be males. The teacher could have segwayed for a bit into sustaining leaders in the church and talked about the local young women and relief society president or maybe even the young women or relief societiy general presidencies…. but since it’s a priesthood lesson… yeah, they are going to be all guys… and if that’s a problem then President hinckley has some choice words about womanhood that you should read.
They left out Jesus.