1. Don’t believe everything you think.
Putting aside all past conditioning — if that’s even possible – ask yourself, “Who am I?” At the core of your human experience, who or what are you? As you engage the question, attempt to answer it without defining yourself based on your relationship with anyone else. What are you? What are you not? When you sit still and watch thoughts move in and out of the mind, who is the thinker and who is the observer? Beyond physical form, or even thought form, is there something deeper?
When we really grasp that spirit and mind are not the same thing we find the secret that was hidden right in front of us. Who we are (spirit, consciousness, awareness, etc) is something completely different than our mind-structure. From this awareness, we are able to work with our thoughts, instead of being a slave to them. Living as the observer of our thoughts helps us put just enough space between our selves and our thoughts to find real liberation. We begin to really understand the what the word “authentic” really means.
2. Embrace the present moment.
There’s a reason that all of the great masters in history have taught this principle of living in the moment. Learning how to live right now in the present brings a deep connection to the world around us. We are less likely to push away experiences or crave what we don’t have. We become more comfortable living in a world of reality, versus the fantasy of living in the future — which is uncertain, or the past — which is gone.
You can’t experience happiness tomorrow, because tomorrow never comes. You can’t experience the happiness you felt yesterday, because it is already gone. Each new moment brings a new reality, and a new opportunity to experience happiness — right now.
3. Surrender does not mean giving up
The yogis have a term, “Ishvara-pranidana”, which means surrender to God. I think of this as efficient energy management. One moment of surrender to a less-than-desirable situation is often all it takes to bring us the peace and calmness we need to deal with it. Surrendering to what is allows us to get out of our own way and opens us up to new possibilities. We stop wasting time and energy resisting the situations that appear in our lives, and we are able to feel a sense of grace take over. It’s this grace — moving with the flow of life rather than against it, which allows us the ability to see the very action we need to take in our lives.
4. You are already perfect
The Buddhists call it Buddha Nature, Christians call it grace. In truth, who you are is not in your accomplishments or your shortcomings. Inside of us is a sense of wholeness that often lies dormant, – a sense of divinity waiting to be discovered. To me, “I am a child of God” means that we have a type of spiritual DNA that can’t be altered. When Mormons say “Be ye therefore perfect”, notice that be is in the present tense. It doesn’t say become ye therefore perfect. Wherever you are in this life of yours is exactly where you should be. In this moment, you are perfect, even if this version of perfection is a big, fat, stinky mess. You are not missing anything. When we start viewing ourselves as whole we start to see with God’s eyes. We begin to feel an awareness underneath all of our apparent shortcomings, and neurosis.
We are not a bunch of sinners, roaming this earth in hopes of God taking pity on us. The more we can see ourselves in our true nature, as whole complete beings, we begin to see that our shortcomings are simply delusion, they are not who we are at all. In fact, when we realize our true nature we are able to really understand what Jesus meant when he said, “Love thy neighbor as thyself”. Yes, we are all imperfect, bumbling humans — that is the relative truth. We are also simultaneously, walking perfection. “The Divine in me recognizes the Divine in you”, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If we look deeper, we find that we are perfect and suddenly we are able to see the same in others.
5. Skepticism is healthy.
Skepticism is the ideal way to approach all spiritual teachings. It is not a show of weakness to observe your world closely and question everything you are taught, everything you notice. Seeing things with an open mind allows us to really learn, to really know. Any belief worth keeping will survive honest inquiry! Being willing to put aside attachments to belief and fear, and exercise skepticism is what real humility is all about.
6. Suffering is optional.
In the west, we think of suffering as something extreme; children starving in third world countries, the Holocaust, or terrible abuse situations. Yet we fail to notice that we spend much of our time in relative comfort and safety, suffering. We suffer when we resist life, when we believe the voice in our heads, when we get involved in the drama of every day life.
We can experience discomfort, pain, desire, and frustration exactly as they appear to us without adding the layer of mental chatter that brings us into this state of suffering. We can be involved in a difficult situation without getting wrapped into a story in our minds which feeds the drama and spins the reality of the situation into a much bigger deal than it really is. We can create the space we need in these situations to begin to look at our lives from many perspectives, rather than just one.
Often in religion, suffering through trials and tribulations is viewed as noble, or required as part of the journey. Sometimes it’s seen as the journey. Somehow the word endure became synonymous with suffer. Who wants to suffer to the end? It seems pointless to endure to the end by clawing our way through life suffering and “hanging on” when we have the very real option to learn how to release the suffering. To understand that the point is not to go suffer through trials, but to find a way to liberate ourselves, to free ourselves from the repetitive cycle of self-inflicted suffering. To recognize that our trials and hard times are not to be endured but embraced as the spiritual PHD’s that they are. Heaven is not “out there” somewhere in the future. Heaven is right here, right now.
7. Prayer does not always require words.
Prayer can be a traditional, knee-bent experience. This act of love and devotion can come in many other forms as well. Prayer can be one person listening to another, serving one another, being fully present for another. Prayer can be the act of pulling weeds in devotion, or spending time in nature. How we live can be a prayer to God. Prayer is simply a way to commune with the divine, and there is no right or wrong way to do that. In fact, putting aside a traditional prayer template can radically transform our spiritual growth.
8. Mature faith is fearless.
When we go immediately to faith as a way of dealing with fear, we are really practicing a technique to repress fear and self-soothe. I’m willing to bet that we have all done this at one time or another in our human development. As we mature, we realize that exercising this developed version of faith means being unafraid that what we believe may actually be untrue! If we learn that our current belief is not true, we will be more than happy to release our faith in it so that we can continue learning, allowing our understanding of the universal to mature and grow. Real faith does not mean hanging on to our beliefs and defending them despite good reason not to. When we insist on keeping a belief that we have not put through inquiry or investigated, we are no longer exercising faith — we are rooting ourselves in dogma. The difference between faith and dogma is night and day.
9. The world (Do you hear that scary music?) is not something to be feared.
Whenever religion warns us to beware of “The World” I have to suppress a chuckle. It’s impossible to not be a part of the world — we are just as much a part of it as anyone else on the planet. There’s nothing scary about yourself.
This teaching of The World versus Us, has been misunderstood and contorted. (More on that another day.) In short, religions are using this concept to divide and segregate. It’s a way to push away those we don’t understand, to insist that they are different.
This type of world-view creates a division that leaves us feeling separate and disconnected from those who have a different viewpoint, lifestyle, or belief system than we do. When we wedge ourselves between righteousness and everybody else, we live in delusion. If we live in a mind-set of judgment, we lose the ability to see ourselves clearly.
The world is a friendly place. Pitting ourselves against the world is pitting us against ourselves. Any belief that separates us from unifying with others is a mind-trick. Looking for ways to see the connection we share with others instead of separating and dividing will bring us closer to the universal, closer to truth.
10. Your natural state of existence is Joy.
Jesus called it, “the peace that surpasseth understanding”. It’s not that wild, ecstatic pleasure, or overwhelming joyful rapture. It’s that very quiet, peaceful, humble sort of joy. It’s a joy independent of emotion, yet not always separate from emotion. This state of joy, this nonsensical peace Jesus spoke of, exists within us as our natural state of existence. It cannot be understood with the mind, it must be discovered and experienced — it must surpass understanding.
What would you add or change to the list? Do you have your own Top 10 Principles of Happiness That You Weren’t Taught in Church? What are they?
Laurie, I wouldn’t dare add anything to your list. I just love it and want to come back to it after I get home from church. And then again tomorrow or the next day. Each one of these deserves a post of its own!!
I just read Desmond Tutu’s book *Made for Goodness*. He makes many of these same points. He talks about seeing ourselves as whole, the way god sees us. He also talks about how evil is the exception and good is the norm. If it were otherwise, he argues, then we would see news stories like: “Gasp! Man helps family change their flat tire!” or “Woman pinches pennies so she can donate to charity!” and all the airwaves would erupt out of shock. But no, those are not the news stories because they happen every day, everywhere; we maybe just don’t hear about them.
I also hate the negativity towards “the world.” And yes, cue the scary music. We are the world. I feel similarly when people complain about how “the government” does this or “the government” does that. We are the government. Sure, it moves slowly, so you can’t get your way overnight, but . . .
Anyway, love this.
I am too sick to go to church. Feels nice to stay home and rest … and this thoughtful post is the perfect spiritual instruction for just such a morning. I love these ideas. I wish I had understood them twenty years ago, but am grateful to be getting a glimpse now. Blessings to you for sharing!
Laurie, great things to remember. The many theological layers that have covered and discolored the sayings of Jesus are like furniture polish on a beautiful table that needs to be wiped away, like you’ve done here. When Jesus says “the kingdom of God is within you” or “the kingdom of God is spread across the world but no one sees it” that sums it up. It’s already here … now … all you have to do is embrace it.
I think many LDS misinterpret the concept of living in the present moment with the “Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we may die” concept that we’ve been conditioned against. This need not be so. In fact, I’ve found that sometimes, the only way to release from the suffering of the present is to examine my attachment to my desires for the future. Good stuff. Thanks.
Thank you for this beautiful post. I’ve had an insanely busy week and rough morning — this is exactly what I needed.
Wow, this is outstanding. What a great reference to bring us back to what *should* be reality.
Thank you so much for this. I’m really struggling to get out of my head right now and these principles ring so true to my soul.
Wonderful post! All of these principles are readily found when we look outside our own narrow niche to seek truths from other religious traditions. I think a God who wants us to grow and progress expects us to seek answers beyond the boundaries of one narrow religion.
Thank you!!
Thanks for this post, Laurie. I’m really interested in the approach that’s behind some of these statements: it seems to me that it involves visualising and internalising the change that a more ‘progress-orientated’ (for want of a better term) philosophy would want to work and ‘struggle’ towards. I believe that the mind is very powerful, so if you can believe that your natural state is joy, you will experience joy more easily and often. ‘You are perfect’ is beautiful – but I so often feel imperfect, and see imperfection around me. Is accepting universal imperfection materially different from claiming universal perfection of humankind? My position doesn’t feel like any kind of condemnation – I love the imperfection of humanity!
Also, there’s a part of me that has to believe in the acceptance of sorrow, mourning, loss, tragedy… these feelings that I believe are equally human and natural. What do you think – are these just different sets of language for the same acceptance that we need to experience? I agree that judgement and condemnation of self and others is the ‘enemy’ of peace and maturity… I wonder what difference the terms make here!
Laurie, I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to read a spiritual message and not feel guilty!! (you know you’re Mormon when…)
I am printing this out to put in my scriptures.
Andy – great questions.
I think that a belief such as “my naturals state of existence is joy” is indeed a tactic toward experiencing more joy. That is one level. But beyond that tactic – which is a mind game of it’s own – is something deeper. When we move into that space of abiding or experiencing in the absolute – the place of quiet awareness and the more we realize the difference between the mind-game and the reality existing underneath it all. That is when we progress from a place of belief to realization. I think this is part of what is meant by the process of “self-realization”. The more time I’ve spent meditating the more awareness I am able to have of what I am, and what I am not. What is always there, and what is a temporary experience.
There is a simultaneous need to accept our imperfection as humans in order to recognize our perfection within the grand scheme of the universe. It’s being able to grasp the non-dual, the relative and the universal at the same time that helps us live without struggle and constant cognitive dissonance. I am a big, imperfect mess – isn’t that perfect? Does that make sense?
That moves into this place where we accept the sorrow, mourning, loss and tragedy without resistance and also without suffering. We recognize that these experiences are human and natural, while also realizing this quiet joy simultaneously. Because of the temporary nature of human experience – of emotion – these experiences arise and ask to live their life through us. Yet, we don’t have to be attached to them. It’s the difference of understanding that “I am experiencing immense sadness”, rather than saying, “I am sad”. Underneath the temporary experience of loss and tragedy and sorrow is an ocean of stillness that is always there, just sometimes eclipsed by our human experience.
Thank you for these calming and healing ideas. I have always believed that the most important jobs we have in life are teacher and student. I have enjoyed learning today.You are a good teacher.
Thanks, Laurie. I really appreciate this post. I should bookmark it and have my kids read it when they get a bit older.
Wonderful post! Couldn’t agree more!
Maybe one more:
If the best solution you can think of to a problem doesn’t have kindness and compassion at its center, keep thinking.
Great post. It reminds me of two things. First, Stephen Wright’s joke, “I once got a post card that had a photo of the Earth taken from space on the front, and when I turned it over, it said, ‘Wish you were here.” The second is Tolstoy’s short story, “Three Questions.”
I haven’t actually read Tolstoy’s story, but I did see a beautiful children’s book that was centered around that story. We need to check it out again.
That post card is awesome!
I’m saving this, and using it in the future some time for a lesson. Then that class can say they were taught this at church!
Great post.
I also can’t add to that list Laurie, but I have slowly come to gain an appreciation of the principles you mentioned.
I wrote a blog not too long ago that seems to align with what you outlined about being perfect as we are (http://memoirsofastarvingartist.blogspot.com/2010/09/am-i-that-unlikeable-god.html). It’s exciting to see someone else more intelligent and articulate flesh out the concept that I was feeling inside when I wrote it. I was thinking about my relationship with my beautiful boys (5 yrs,3yrs, and 3 months) and about the relationship that I was taught growing up that I had with God. I felt that the story isn’t quite right as it is presented to us. Even with the compassionate character of Christ coming in to “spot” us with his grace until we become perfect felt a little inaccurate because of how it forced me to view God.
Christ represents someone to me who is accepting of the present. I imagine him fearlessly engaging with any individual despite their level of perfection. In my mind he would always be refraining from immediate judgment and offering pearls of wisdom to any person searching for deeper understanding and joy. However, I was instructed that my relationship with God (the father) was different. For some reason this guy cannot stand any imperfection which means that either he has to stay at a distance because of some law of the universe that is beyond his control, or he simply does not like me. This image feels very cruel and rigid to me like a disciplinarian father who refuses to recognize any way other than his own. Why should I view God this way? I have had no experience to validate such a conclusion about the character of God. When I am broken, I feel it is God that lifts me up and gives me perspective. I feel acceptance from God that what I am at this very moment -as you beautifully stated “an imperfect mess”-is exactly as it should be. When I look at my boys I feel they are perfect RIGHT NOW as they are.
I felt some hesitation in writing that I thought my boys were perfect because I can just imagine my friends thinking, “Uh….they weren’t being perfect when they were fighting and screaming the other day…” When I read this post I feel very validated. I totally get what you are describing. Thanks Laurie.
I’m a 14 year-old young woman from Utah County. I love your list! But I do slightly disagree with one thing: “us” and “the world.” And don’t think I’m just naive and clueless about the world. I’ve lived on various continents and love “the world.” Overcoming “the world” inside of us is very important to self-growth. The humbling realization of our potential to become gods and goddesses raises “us” above “the world.” The world would have us think that we are not special, that our virtue can be bought or can be easily disposed of. But when we shake off “the world” we embrace our divine nature and take our place. We are priceless because we were bought with an infinite Atonement. We are worth the life of a God. And the world does not believe that. Our earthly experience is about living how we would if God was with us (like the pre-mortal life), without the constant reminder that really, He is. Our goal should be to make earth a heaven, and rise above the world.
Laurie,
Wonderful post. Thankyou. You have, more skilfully than I could explained my view of the Gospel. Could you flesh out more #1 as I have not thought much abot this.
Ashley, Impressed by your thinking. My understanding of this point is that often we are told to fear the world and motives are attributed to the world such as you have done.
There are unpleasant people and ideas in the world, as there are in the Church. It is our responsibility to descern these. But to cut our selves off and claim/infer that we are good and safe and “the world” is evil and attempting to attack/subvert us is not true and will not help us to find peace.
It is not an idea Christ taught but I believe a contribution of the conservative culture of Utah and our leaders.
Geoff-A: I do agree with what you’re saying. But let me show you some proof for my understanding of it. D&C 31:10 says, “Behold, I say unto you that you shall be a physician unto the church, but not unto the world, for they will not receive you.” This chapter is about the revelation through Joseph Smith to Thomas B. Marsh, telling him to be a missionary. Now, one might at first be confused by this and think, “How is he going to help people come to the gospel if he doesn’t preach to any non-members?” Go to D&C 10:67. It says, “Behold, this is my doctrine– whosoever repenteth and cometh unto me, the same is my church.” That’s saying that “the church” or “us” includes those who repent and come unto Him, or those who would if they were taught and given the chance. Now go to Joseph Smith Matthew verse 4. At the end of the verse it says, “…the end of the world, or the destruction of the wicked…” So “the world”=the wicked. So, there are people in the world who Christ considers part of His church, even if they are not members yet. “The world” is simply referring to the wicked, not everyone in the world.
It’s interesting – what I have found in my first-hand experience is that the idea of the righteous and the wicked doesn’t really exist. We are all sinners. Claiming that I am more righteous than another just isn’t true. In fact, claiming ourselves to be the righteous and pointing out the wicked is, in itself – a sin. It is a “missing of the mark” (the literal interpretation of sin) because it causes the illusion of separation. I have found that separation and/or fearing evil in the world is an unnecessary form of suffering, and is a lead cause of the justification for fear and violence – the very opposite of what Christ taught. The scriptures would definitely argue with me, which is why I titled my post, “…things I never learned in church”.
I’ve found so much good truth in the world. So many good people in the world. The places and teachings the church would tell me are not safe to go, have been really vital in my spiritual growth. They’ve taught me to be kinder, more honest, more grounded, more reasonable, more free. It reminds me of the scripture that says in the last days we’ll be calling “evil good and good evil”. There are a lot of people sitting in churches all over the world, thinking that scripture isn’t referring to them. I have to wonder …..
Laurie, that is such a great point. Thank you, that does make me look at it a bit differently. I still believe what I said, but your further explanation has enlightened my mind. Thank you, I am so glad I randomly came across this article!
Ashley,
Dont quite agree that “the end of the world, or the destruction of the wicked” means the world = the wicked. Yes the wicked will be destroyed when the world ends, but that doesn’t mean when someone says in church to be afraid of the world subverting our standards or beliefs that they are referring only to that portion of the world that is so wicked it will be destroyed.
A powerful argument for me is that the Saviour said “love your neighbour” and even “love your enemy”. No where does he say love your fellow member but fear your neighbour. I live in a country where members are less than 1% of the population so my neighbours are not members. We may define “the world” differently.
I also think there a questions of agency and respect, that are very important to the Lord.
I really can’t see how we can live lives of peace and harmony if we (being less than 1% of the population of the earth believe the other 99+% are wicked and wishing to destroy us. Of all the people I know the only one I believe is wicked is a member, all the non members I know are wonderful people, trying to make life better and the world a better place. This includes my wifes gay hairdressed who puts purple, red, orange and this last time green sploges in her grey hair. We believe the church is too black and white and like our lives needs colour, literally and spiritually.
Laurie, any ideas for more thoughts on your point 1.
Many of the more liberal blogs seem very negative, yours is very positive. Perhaps we could be presenting a positive alternative as well as questioning the conservative version of the Gospel.
Geoff-A – regarding #1. This was so big for me, because up until about 10 years ago, I thought the mind and spirit were one. Mormon theology refers to the fact that we take intelligence with us to the next life, and I had absorbed that to mean that the mind was an integral part of the spirit.
What I’ve learned is that what we call spirit/soul is very different. I didn’t know how the mind worked and because of my lack of knowledge I was chronically depressed for much of my life. What I discovered, is that the mind is not personal. Meaning – it has a job to do which is to churn thought. It doesn’t discriminate between truth, fiction, or delusion, positive thoughts/negative thoughts because that’s not it’s job. It just produces thought. The problem comes when we believe “we” are producing these thoughts – and when there is no presence, no awareness behind them, no space between soul and mind. When we believe our thoughts, we are a slave to the mind – we go insane.
Almost everybody does this – walks around listening to and getting absorbed by the voice in their head – this is how the suffering and insanity in the world exists. If we are awakened to the awareness behind it, we can start to free ourselves from the wilds of our minds. It’s described as becoming the master of the mind rather than a servant to it.
Experiencing this is easy. Just sitting, breathing and pulling back to watch your thoughts is very illuminating. Can you put space between your presence and your thoughts? What thoughts come through your consciousness as you just sit and watch? Are they repetitive? The more I do this, the more hilarious it becomes!
Quite possible the most thought provoking and inspiring post I have ever read! Thank you.