Last year, in “One Word,” I wrote about my family’s relatively new tradition of selecting a word for the year, an idea we borrowed from author Debbie McComber. My mom has nicely elevated the tradition by ordering each of my sisters and I vinyl letters spelling out our words so that we can display them and thus remember the words throughout the year.
Last year, my word (fine, wordS) was “follow through.” Did the phrase help? Did those 13 letters become some kind of ever-present resolution talisman that shaped the course of 2013? Did the tradition in any way contribute to the outcome(s) of…or at least my mindset toward the year?
Absolutely.
I thought about those words all year. I even thought about them when I wasn’t following through, truth be told, but the idea of better following through motivated me to do improve my teaching this summer and fall, for example. I made a super-sized calendar of all of my lessons so that I could maximize class time and stay on top of assignments. This lesson correlation took several days – and then required upkeep throughout the semester, but I did it. And the initial and continued effort helped me to better stay on top of my work life. I’ve been meaning to do this for a number of semesters, but this past year, I followed through.
I also used the phrase as a kind of kick in the pants when I balked at completing an unwanted task. And sometimes, the reminder was enough to get me going.
There are some tasks that need my continued attention in the new year, of course, and I plan to follow through on those as well. Who am I kidding? Pretty much every part of my life needs my continued attention! But that’s the beauty of those vinyl letters. They stay up!
In fact, I experienced a colossal failure of follow through in one particular area, a failure so sharp and loathsome that I have had to do a pretty thorough inventory of my soul to figure out why in the heck I’m not following through!
The short version? I didn’t finish a book in 2013. Not even close. Heck, I haven’t published much here, at least not since I vowed to be a better teacher. And it would be inaccurate to say the writing failure was due to lack of follow through, since it was more like lack of start through, if there’s such a thing. (Oh, there’s such a thing!)
However, it’s time for a new word, a succinct encapsulation of everything I hope to accomplish in this new year. My writing goal hasn’t peeled away, that’s for sure. And this year, though we’re only five days in, I’m more keenly aware of where I’m falling short in that and nearly every area. I’m not on top of my retirement accounts, my rattle-y windows need to be sealed, and my posture is poor. And that’s just for starters! I probably could list something I’m not yet following through on for every day of 2014.
And yet despite the falling short moments, my 2013 word has been a blessing and a guide. Frankly, I felt excited about the tradition in advance of this new year, and after some meditation and hot cocoa back in November, my 2014 word came to me, bright and bidden, but still surprising: wherewithal.
Yep.
I tried a few other words on for size, but wherewithal is the one that fit. It’s what burbled up into my consciousness, and the more I think about it, the more I like it.
Sometimes wherewithal is a reference to monetary resources. In fact, the standard definition includes “The money or other means needed or a particular purpose.” But my interest is hovering over that second part, the “other means needed.” I like wherewithal‘s synonyms too: “resources, means, ability, capability.”
Another yep.
You probably wouldn’t be surprised to know that I’ve had this quasi-rescue fantasy dancing through my daydreams the past few years. Meaning, something external to me comes along and makes everything better. The “something external” details change depending on the daydream, but the “makes everything better” part stays the same. Single parenting doesn’t quite suit me, or at least not between the hours of 9 p.m. and 7 a.m., and I tire easily, often before the day has even started. Thus, I dream about a floor that sweeps itself or a job relocation that increases my pay and decreases my workload. I used to dream that Britt Daniel would invite me to tour with his band. Seriously. The daydream is not beholden to reality. And my reality is that by 4 p.m., many days, and by 8 p.m. nearly every day, I’m action-impared. I’m nearly dead after dark, good only for turning on audio books and listening to my children recount their hopes and dreams with my eyes closed. I communicate through hand squeezes mostly.
But I owe my children and my employer better than that.
During the great ‘follow through’ experiment of 2013, especially during moments when I really had to grit through the follow through, I kept returning to a mantra of “dig deep.” (Mantras are different than phrases, okay?! I’m doing whatever it takes, so don’t laugh!) Every time I wanted to lie down on the couch…or floor, honestly, I reminded myself to “dig deep.” And then I usually put my feet up for a spell before tackling the microwave that needed to be cleaned or assisting with the sculpey clay construction of the Caddoan hut for my son’s 7th grade Texas History project.
Yes, self-care is important, even more important than follow through, for sure.
But digging deep is something I needed and NEED to do more of, so my 2013 word was a useful reminder of what I really want. I want healthy, well-adjusted kids who know how to work and how to laugh. I want students who know how to write more effectively when they are done with my class than when they first enroll. I want a fit body nourished by nutritious food and strengthened by regular exercise. I want vibrant relationships with friends and family that don’t have to hibernate during the school year. (I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m laying it on too thick. I really do want those things.) Unfortunately, that pledge to do better with my lesson planning and curriculum management, the one I did follow through on, well, it took much of what I had to give. From October on, I felt like I was walking headlong in the wind many hours of each day. Head down, feet forward, head down, feet forward.
But I don’t want every semester to feel so…blustery!
So I’ve gotta dig deep and do better.
In order to do all of the above, plus have enough energy to paint my toenails, to finally read the four gospels with my kids, and to catch up on “Parks & Rec” episodes, I need more hours of alertness and fewer hours of near slumber.
Gotta dig deep.
…but into what, right? If I’m digging into a dead patch, ain’t never going to hit oil.
Or hit water! I would prefer to hit water.
In any case, I need to find within – and without, sure, but mostly within – me the necessary resources, the wherewithal to be who I want to be.
This new word for a new year means, first of all, taking more B12 and a host of vitamins that will help me sleep better and feel stronger. It means more green drinks. It means a wee bit more house maintenance structure, a particular bugaboo for me. My house and all its air conditioning filters and venetian blinds and drawers filled with straws and balloons and cloth napkins and old teeth (wha?) taunt me. I can’t seem to stay on top of all of the durn dusting, yet my creative brain refuses to fully show up when the house is clutter-y. Whaddya going to do?
Well, I hope I’m going to marshall the necessarily wherewithal, is what: Utilize resources. Sleep less. But sleep better. Exercise so that I can be filled with buoyant, irrepressible energy that allows me to clean my house in half the time! That’s what happens, right? Right?!
I’m also going to patiently teach my children how to dust blinds! They’re a big part of my wherewithal plan, people, though they do not yet know it.
So this new word for a new year already has me revved up. I mean, I just wrote these words you’ve just read. And I polished the wooden desk I’m sitting at too. I’d say that’s a good start on a promising year.
;
And what words are burbling up for you? And how did you feel about last year’s word, if ya had one?