“What does God look like?” I asked my little girl as I tucked her into bed. “Well, he is old, and he has a beard, and wears a. . ..a white dress,” she said. “A-ha,” I answered. “How do you know that?” “That’s what they told me at church,” she said. “And what does Heavenly Mother look like?” I asked. “Well, she has long hair, and. . ..” Her eyes searched the corners of the room for the image, ” and. . … I don’t know. They didn’t teach me that at church.” She leaned in and whispered, “You know, not everybody thinks she’s real. She’s a secret.”
At five years old, my daughter had tapped into one of the great nuances of the Mormon religion — the Feminine Divine is at best, a whisper. Despite talking about Mother in Heaven and praying to her, my daughter has noticed that our family is not the norm. She has noticed that the Mother is to be whispered about in private and not spoken of. She has no image of this mother in her mind’s eye.
The more I reflected on it, the more I wondered, “Just how is this girl going to grow up and see her potential, her wholeness, her power and divinity — if she can’t even conjure up an image of Mother in Heaven in her very active five-year-old imagination?”
Exploring the many different Avatars and their symbolism gives me the opportunity to understand specific aspects of God. I love the Mormon Heavenly Father — a God who is warm and loving; a great listener, and sometimes a great communicator. I am fascinated with Brahma the creator, Vishnu the sustainer, and Shiva the destroyer and the the circle of life that they represent. I am wild for Jesus, the ultimate bhakti yogi, and his radical call for complete love and acceptance. Each deity illuminates something unique about the Divine, and gives me a way to name just a tiny part of the un-nameable. Avatar allows me to see the invisible, even if it’s just a tiny glimpse.
It seemed like time to be a bit more adventurous with avatar, so I decided to take my younger two kids to the MA Center – The San Francisco Bay Area Satsang, to offer puja to Saraswati, the Goddess of knowledge, music, and the arts in preparation for the first day of school. The kids have had Father’s blessings to prepare them for school before, why not cover all of our bases, and receive a blessing from the wise Saraswati herself?
The MA center, home of Ammachi — the Hindu “hugging saint” was beautiful, hidden just a few minutes outside of town and tucked between some rolling hills behind a horse ranch. We entered the main building and removed our shoes just like at the yoga studio. So far, so good. As we entered the hall my 10-year old son gave me a look as if to tell me that he knew we were the minority in the room, and he wasn’t comfortable. “Good,” I thought. “Everybody should feel this sensation and understand what it’s like to be the minority in a room.” My 5-year old daughter, on the other hand, was instantly taken with the Indian children moving about the room in their bright saris and sparkly jewels. Everyone was very smiley and welcoming, and I was awestruck by these beautiful families, all joining as a community to support their children’s upcoming school year. It was clear that this is a culture that values education, that families and peace. The family atmosphere and big smiles felt just like a Mormon Sacrament Meeting — except much, much more colorful. And we wore pants. And we sat cross-legged on the floor. And oh yeah, that’s right — we were there to worship the Mother Divine!
After singing bhajans with the group, we sat and listened to a talk about the center: “This MA center is the Mother’s Home. It’s not rigid. We’re open 24/7 so you can come and walk around, enjoy the gardens, and receive an embrace whenever you need one”. Before invoking the Goddess, we were guided to present puja to Ganesha to remove any obstacles between ourselves and Saraswati. Next, we offered puja to Atman, to “wake up God within, who lives most easily within your heart.”
A man with a microphone led us through the process of giving puja, step-by-step, while a woman dressed in a white robe demonstrated the puja, offering gifts to a large framed image of Saraswati, while we did the same with our own mini version. We went through a process of offering a laminated little paper image of the Goddess sips of water, a garland, food and sweets. We placed yellow and red powders on her forehead, and on our foreheads. We lovingly sprinkled flower petals over her.
I looked at my daughter too late, and hoped she wasn’t the only little Christian in the room who delighted in painting her whole face with the pretty red powder, rather than just her third eye! My son was not so enthusiastic, looking up at me with terrified eyes, as if afraid to do it ‘wrong.’ He caught on quickly, taking it all in with the reverence of a well-trained Mormon primary kid. He carefully placed the powder on his forehead and listened intently. The conscientious 10-year old in him seemed to be hoping that this Saraswati did indeed have the power to bless him to succeed this year at school.
After using all of our earthly senses of seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting, and smelling, the man leading the puja transitioned from the tangible world to a more subtle experience. He gave us the opportunity to ask the Goddess to be present. Offering the love in our hearts, the phrasing was, “Please come — you are my mother, I will not settle for anything less.” As we offered our hearts to the Divine Mother and accepted her blessing of wisdom for the upcoming school year, I couldn’t help but wonder what my teenage son and husband were experiencing across town in Sacrament meeting, and realized sadly that as wonderful as the meeting might be, they were settling for something less.
Six weeks later, as I tuck my daughter into bed, I ask her, “What does Mother in Heaven look like?” She says, as if bored with the question, “I don’t know Mom.” “Do you think she looks like Saraswati?” I offer. “NO, Mom!” she says incredulously, “Heavenly Mother does NOT have four arms!”
And so we end up back at the mystical unknown of our Mother in Heaven. When I reflect on the amazing women in my life and all that they are able to accomplish, the symbolism of a Goddess with four arms is not wasted on me. I’m hopeful however, that my daughter’s rejection of these two extra limbs means that somewhere deep in her mind’s eye, exists a Mother in Heaven who looks something like she does. Such an image might be the perfect mirror for this little girl, showing her Atman – the Goddess within.
Until then, I’ll just keep asking her the same question I’m asking you today: Do you have a go-to Goddess? An instant image in your mind of the Feminine Divine? Tell me – what does she look like?
Laurie, love this experience! I think Mother in Heaven can be so many forms to us. In the Carol Lynn Pearson interview for Mormon Stories, she said how wonderful it is that LDS women (and men) are allowed the freedom to envision a Heavenly Mother that works best for them. I agree – sometimes not having limits is the most appropriate, freeing concept.
It may not matter too much to me what Heavenly Mother looks like, but it is important for me to imagine myself like her, because that is the goal, isn’t it? So, myself perfected seems like a good place to start.
I like how you say that we are settling for less in the church. This is exactly how I feel. Somehow we’ve convinced ourselves that half of our doctrine about God is enough and it isn’t. It isn’t enough for me, it isn’t enough for my daughter. And it’s startling to me that some people are so myopic that they believe women don’t need an example of female divinity. I don’t know how to fix this in the church but you’ve given me wonderful ideas of how to address this with my own children. Thank you.
I agree. But I’d go even further: men (and boys) would also be well served by such an example. I recently read an intriguing review (from 2007) of C.J. Pascoe’s book, Dude, You’re a Fag: Masculinity and Sexuality in High School, in which the reviewer noted this:
I believe that if the Church would (or could) bring Heavenly Mother “out of the closet,” everyone would benefit. (I don’t mean to hijack the conversation; but Teh Gay has been much on everyone’s mind lately – so I hope it’s not entirely off-topic to mention HM in this context.)
p.s. Thanks, Laurie. I’m loving your posts!
I absolutely agree! My son needs his Heavenly Mother just as much as my daughter. And I believe Pascoe is right, homophobia is just another form of misogyny.
After listening to Carol Lynn Pearson at the studio, she gave the image of Julie Andrews and it works for me! She comes down from on high (whether it’s from the abbey or from up in the clouds) to fix problems and find solutions. She has a wonderful singing voice, a British accent, and the perfect smile. She’s who I picture in my mind. :)
Thanks for the article, sis!
In my Theology class, we learned that God is neither male or female, but incorporates every single characteristic of all parts of creation. I hear the “He” at church in the same way as I read the “He” in mainstream writings — as a way not to have to say “he or she” every time….I don’t take it literally, but understand it as a convenient way to speak and write without having to be politically correct every time you say something.
I like to think of God as 1) neither male or female or 2) BOTH male and female. In other words, I like to imagine God as something that we can’t even imagine because there is no prototype for “he or she” here on earth….maybe I should create an artist’s rendering of such being? :D
I’m not saying that we don’t need the feminine – I just think needing the feminine is partly a reaction to having misunderstood God as masculine this whole time…? Which God is not, and never was….
She looks like what she’s always looked liked — all this time after she was enslaved by men. She looks like life.
Laurie,
I love the fact that your Mormonism is broad enough to include the good and true from other faiths!
I remember, as a child, the feelings I felt from my projection of God. It’s not until I look back with my current perspective that I recognize how much my vision was lacking. I felt God was a loving disciplinarian like my Dad. It was hard to confess my sins to him in prayer because I was afraid of his harsh side. I wonder how my experience would have been different if my conception of the divine included a personality similar to my mother. Most boys can let down their guard around their mom in a way that they are unable to do around all other people. A boy always knows that his mother feels and cares first. They are the soft place to fall. I can see a real benefit in cultivating this idea of a devine feminine.
Thanks for the post Laurie!
I love this post, Laurie. Sadly, I have been so conditioned to think of God as envisioned in the Gospel Art Picture Kit (a picture resource frequently used in the Mormon church, for any non-Mormon readers out there!)–male, white robes, white beard, older, Caucasian–I can’t even imagine how else he/she/it might look. I’m going to have to keep thinking about this one and see if my brain can make room . . .
Heather… the strange thing about that image is that Jesus supposedly looks exactly the same. My 5 year old is pretty confused about the two, not to mention throwing in Heavenly Mother.
Everyone thinks that Heavenly Father looks like Father Time, because that’s how Joseph Smith portrayed Him and that’s what the temple film shows. But Father Time isn’t real — he’s just a bastardized caricature of the Greek God Kronos, softened and sanitized for young ears.
The truth is that He looks a lot like a young Vincente Minnelli, and He’s widely respected for his creative range. Heavenly Mother looks like a young Donna Reed, except that sometimes She sports Farrah-Fawcett-type hair.
Jesus bears a passing resemblance to Charles Bronson, which validates Isaiah’s insulting characterization that He had “nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.”
Incidentally, all heavenly beings are thin, because being thin lowers their risk of developing diabetes through all generations of time and throughout all eternity.
Satan looks like Sally Fields. He sounds like her, too, because he says things like, “You like me. You really, really like me.” Plus, Satan had a thing for Burt Reynolds.
The easy part is figuring out what they look like. The hard part is figuring out exactly what they do. I mean, if there were a movie called “Kolob,” it would be easy enough to cast, but the plot would kind of suck and the dialogue would be just horrible.
It’d be very difficult to argue with this. I mean, if the great I am can’t even write dialog that’ll keep you awake what hope could there be for a reality show?
Regarding the dialogue, the funny thing it that it’s not too hard to write dialogue between a god and a person or group of people, but it’s very difficult to actually write an entire, feature length production around it.
I think that Aeschylus’ The Eumenides may be the only really good play that is centered around dialogue and action between mortals and Gods and between Gods and Gods. But that’s altogether part of a pagan tradition.
The sad truth is that we conceive of Gods the way that children conceive of teachers — They’re metaphorically freeze-dried and stored in a closet when we’re not there to interact with Them. In the end, God’s are boring. We simply prefer the company and the engagement of mortals.
Laurie what I love about this blog is that A) You come from a Mormon background and B) You are a parent that is trying to find ways to communicate these beautiful concepts to young minds. These two facts really pique my interest. We have just started doing family home evening (our version of course which is going to be much broader and inclusive of other religious traditions). Tonight I am going to take a stab at teaching some super basic Eastern ideas. I want them to know that there are other spiritual teachers out there to draw wisdom from besides Jesus alone. I was considering the topics of reflection or meditation. I really hope you will continue to expound on how you go about breaking down these concepts in a way that children can grasp. Does anybody else have any FHE-type lesson ideas for children (talking 3-5 yr. olds)?
Lisa and Matt – yes, this is how I see god. Little g, not male or female, rather a projection of our own divinity and all that we can’t control! Since our “default God” is male in most western religions, I am exploring how much that image actually affects our culture, our view of ourselves, etc. Years ago, I had a vision/experience involving mother in heaven and I’ve never been able to see the divine or myself the same since. It caused me to pause and realize that the importance of Mother/Divine can’t be underestimated. I wonder if it is more than political correctness to change some of those deity pronouns in our spiritual texts!
SLK in SF – Yes, yes, yes! I can’t imagine how powerful it would be for boys and men to have an active concept of God as female moving through their mind’s eye! My son (10-year old) just told me last week how he will always tell me about certain things, and not his dad. (who is an awesome dad, BTW)
Wendy – LOVE Julie Andrews as the Mother descending from on high. A great image!
DKL – hilarious. Now we’re getting somewhere, this is what I’m talking about. The power of an image – why not cast?
Chris – I love your FHE idea. I’m still working on ways to teach these really challenging esoteric teachings to little ones. So far, we’ve loved stories, story books, stories behind the yoga chants, etc. They work well with the imagination and lay a groundwork for deeper understanding as the kids grow.
UPDATE: Last night during prayers, my son prayed to Father in Heaven. I said, “you can pray to MIH too if you want to”. He said, “I will, sometime.” I asked my daughter, “What does HM look like”? She answered, “just like HF, but with long pretty hair. She wears a white dress.” I asked her, “What does HFather wear?” and she said, “A white dress too!” and we laughed and laughed. I guess HF is a bit comfortable with his sexuality. – )
Isn’t it funny that there’s so much emphasis on the mother-family family in the LDS church but outside of a single hymn written by Sis. Eliza Snow, you’d assume we have a single heavenly dad running the show.
My go-to one is Kuan Yin, the goddess of compassion.
I love the example you’re setting for branching out into other traditions to fill in the gaps to our own. I’ve been trying to do this with Jewish culture, but now I’m thinking more eastern images and celebrations would be a welcome addition as well. Too bad there is such a lack of options in Idaho.
I’m still struggling with my view of Heavenly Mother. I do appreciate that we can give God the faces that help us connect, but I can’t seem to find any that make it easier for me to have a real dialogue. I’ll keep searching though, and letting other cultures give me material to work with.
Wow, I love this. I’m a little shocked to realize I’ve never really thought about what She might look like? We talk and think about Her so rarely, but I’ve always appreciated the knowledge that She is there. I appreciate your sharing your experiences – my husband has some very unique religious views, and I hadn’t wrapped my mind around how to balance all the different dynamics of our household. This gives me some great ideas…
My go-to god right now is the moon. The beautiful, shining, white moon. I love her.
I love the moon as Goddess! It’s well steeped in Yoga as the feminine, so you’re in good company.
Here’s a favorite Moon poem of mine by Hafiz:
WITH THAT MOON LANGUAGE
“Everyone you see, you say to them,
“Love me.”
Of course you do not do this out loud;
Otherwise,
Someone would call the cops.
Still though, think about this,
This great pull in us
To connect.
Why not become the one
Who lives with a full moon in each eye
That is always saying,
With that sweet moon
Language,
What every other eye in this world
Is dying to
Hear.
It has occurred to me in general that women tend to disappear behind husbands and children. We have all had that experience when we marry and “give up our name”. For decades you are a certain person by name . . . and then you sign a piece of paper and become someone else. Even spiritually you are someone else in the temple. I guess it’s good to be re-born but it was extremely unsettling to me.
I’m an avid genealogist and it’s very difficult to look for women in the records. They lose their name usually in their 20s. They become at least half of what the husband already is when they take his last name. If something happens that doesn’t record the husband and his last name. . . the married woman is lost. Sometimes she is married twice or three times – and gives up her name each time. The one thing that is valuable about this is that it follows a pattern and so it is helpful when you look for a woman to know – you can’t find her without knowing at least the last name of her husband.
Our English culture and Mormon culture values patriarchs and men. There are 3 women named in the Book of Mormon. We don’t talk about the mothers in heaven (plural). The priesthood is jealously guarded by men even though women perform rituals with the priesthood in the temple. Supposedly this is for reverence. I’m not so sure. It is like a barka? We are covered because we are precious. Because it feels oppressive and like it is more about dominance and control. Societies that cover the women only make half the progress or less -than those that don’t. It feels unequitable – because it is.
It will be interesting to see what God is really like and what the relationships are that connect us to Him. I’m placing my bets that God does think women are devine and His interactions with women are not going to be anything like what is shown to me at church or in my current life.
I think mother in heaven will look like my grandma because she is what I picture when I think of someone who truly loved me.