Parenthood Juggle: I Wouldn’t Change Any of It

I met my husband at law school. We got engaged the summer before my final year but at my husband’s insistence did not get married until after my final exams (he had already graduated and did not want anything to interfere with me doing so). This wasn’t my preference at the time but in hindsight was wise.  

My parents always encouraged me to pursue tertiary education and to think about the job opportunities at the end of my studies.   I was aware of the fierce competition for legal clerkships and so, like my similarly practical husband, I graduated with a commerce (accounting) degree and a law degree. I applied for positions with law firms, accounting firms and management consultants.  

I was offered my first choice and so began my legal career at one of the largest law firms in the country.   My husband worked at a competitor firm in the same street. We wanted children but we didn’t want them straight away. For years we both worked very long hours including on weekends but we often had lunch together and there were no hard feelings when one of us had to pull out of events at the last minute because we both understood the environment. After a few years we each arranged a two year leave of absence with our employers and worked in law firms overseas.   We had a brilliant time advancing our careers and earning decent money while abroad.   Some of my friends had backpacked around Europe prior to their studies but travelling as a professional suited me. We returned with the plan that children would be our next adventure.  

It was at this point that the road to partnership loomed ahead of us.   I didn’t see how my husband and I could both take that path and add children to the mix.   A few weeks later I was approached by the newly appointed Dean of my alma mater and offered a job.   I would need to complete my PHD of course, but he was on a mission to recruit staff with practical experience for the law school that he could train to be professors.   Although the salary was low, with his promises of ‘working from home’, ‘flexible hours’ and ‘generous maternity leave,’ I was convinced.   I took the job immediately and on weekends worked towards further qualifications in teaching and in law.

Conception was not so immediate. The doctors said I should relax and that I was too young to be thinking about fertility treatments.   My husband had the opportunity to work in Japan for two years.   Should we say no because we were trying to have a baby?   We both felt right about the decision to go.   I convinced my university that since many of our students studied online, surely I could teach and research online too.   I was given permission on a trial basis but working remotely made me realise how much I missed seeing other people every day.   When we returned home, I was 6 months pregnant.   I was physically and mentally exhausted, relieved to finally be a mother and sick of my job.   I couldn’t wait to take maternity leave and be a SAHM. I naively looked forward to scrap booking, getting my house sparkling, cooking everything from scratch and raising a gorgeous boy. . .  

I am grateful to the new mothers who trusted their work colleague enough (my husband) to tell him when they were suffering from depression so that when I returned home from the hospital he recognised the signs in me.   They recommended a great psychiatrist and my speedy diagnosis assisted my recovery.   I always loved my son, but I felt I was a failure as a mother, a wife and a person and I was miserable.   I resented my husband for being able to leave the house. I was jealous that he missed our son and that he was thrilled to see him every night.   And I felt guilty about having these feelings.  

About a year later I enrolled my son in on-campus childcare and returned to work part time.   His nursery was less than a minute from my office and I visited him several times a day to breastfeed.   I quickly fell in love with his caregivers and so did he.   While I was lecturing, my little boy was being cared for, taught (they got him to eat solids!), cuddled and loved.   I missed him. I was thrilled to see him when I picked him up.   I was happy to be back at work.   I enjoyed the days I stayed at home.   I felt well.

Later we had a baby girl and I took another year of maternity leave.   I enjoyed it this time.   We knew we would not have any more children.   We also knew I needed new career goals.   Maternity leave allowed me the space to realise that academia was not the right fit for me long term. My husband was thriving working in house as a corporate lawyer.   I liked having him home on more weekends.

Since 2009 I have been working part time in the legal team for a large telecommunications company.   I love it.   The work fascinates and challenges me.   I have an inspiring female manager and amazing colleagues.   In my team we each support and respect each other’s need to balance work with house renovations, kids, partners, elderly parents, further study, fitness commitments, pets or all of the above.   We work from home when the illness of our pets/kids/parents requires it and might mean we draft the contract at 10pm one night because we left work early that day to attend the school concert.

In our family we try not to over schedule classes, hobbies or social commitments.   My son is now at school and my daughter attends kindergarten.   Sometimes we forget to pack his library bag and my son is upset. Sometimes we are late to work because we go back home and get the library bag.   Every day is a juggle, but I wouldn’t change any of it.   I think we have the balance right for us.  

-Submitted by Nadine

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