“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
I welcomed the new year in Queenstown, New Zealand, the birth place of bungee jumping. I am terrified of heights and of falling. I don’t enjoy the tickle in my tummy when I’m on the downhill of a rollercoaster, nor the quivering week sensation in my knees when I look off a high bridge.
But when I found out booking the trip that we were going to the first place anyone bungee jumped, I knew I wanted to take the plunge. I have been conquering unsubstantiated fear and anxiety for the better part of 8 years and this was going to be an important step.
I spent the evening before watching video of people jumping, timing how long they had to feel themselves fall, and realizing the entire experience was under a minute, I told myself “you can do anything for a minute.” I researched accidents and found the outfit we were using to be top notch in safety. There wasn’t anything to fear I could tell myself rationally, but it had no impact on the knot in my stomach.
The next morning as our van rounded the corner and I could see the bridge, it seemed so much higher than the pictures indicated. The lush rainforest scenery and deep aqua colored river below couldn’t mask the 141 feet in which I would be falling.
I felt my knees shake, my stomach threaten to upheave and I couldn’t even muster a smile for the before picture. Waiting in line seemed like hours and fear rose violently through me like a volcano spewing forth fire from deep within the earth.
But somehow I mustered up the courage to jump. And I was shocked to find that the fall itself was neither frightening nor uncomfortable.
I left with the confidence and pictures to prove I faced fear and did the thing I thought I could not do, but at the same time wondering how many other things I dread in vain. Not because they won’t happen (though many of them don’t), but because they don’t feel as awful as I suspect, or I find strength I didn’t even know I had to deal with them.
I am generally so risk and suffering averse that I often put myself through more suffering in avoidance than I would in experience. How many things do I stop myself from doing because I’m certain I know how I’ll feel when they come to pass, yet how many times do I feel the way I suspect?
What was the last thing you did that made you feel brave? What’s the thing you think you cannot do?
Dang, Mel! I do not do scary things. Period. Especially not scary things like bungee jumping! I was scared last Christmas when I got into a canoe to VERY lazily float down the Guadalupe River in Texas.
I hate the feeling you described leading up to the scary thing. I don’t enjoy that at all. It’s not worth whatever fun/excitement I might get from doing the scary thing.
I’m crawling back into my worry-wart hole now . . .
I hate that feeling too Heather. And I wouldn’t say bungee jumping was necessarily fun. But what made the experience worth it was the practice of sitting with my discomfort and not letting it rule me. And I was genuinely surprised that the jump felt NOTHING at all like I thought it would. It humbled me in thinking I know how I’m going to feel about everything and made me realize that all the buildup was unnecessary and I’m wondering how many other things I let my prejudgments affect.
Very impressive! Public speaking is my fear and I’ve forced myself to do it a handful of times. I know the worst thing that could happen and has happened – shaky voice, sometimes tears, and I can deal with it.
I absolutely identify with what you say about being risk-averse, and the suffering we add to ourselves through this. I think I’ve always been taught first of all, the importance of self-preservation, and as this comes naturally to me anyway, it can easily overshadow my desire to ‘jump’ to exciting and important places. I think that the more often we do these things, the more we believe in our ability to be brave, and to take appropriate risks.