I took a call from London at four this morning — that’s 11 AM London time. It was my fifteen year-old daughter in tears at having discovered that she and her roommate had slept through their alarm, gone unnoticed by chaperones and ultimately missed the coach that would have delivered them along with the entire Mercer Island High School Marching Band to perform in this year’s London New Year’s Parade. At first my wife, Laurie, and I were in shock that such a thing was happening to our daughter. Then, as we struggled to find some way to help her from across five thousand miles, it became very quickly apparent that we could do nothing in time to make things right. Our little girl was simply going to miss out on the defining event of her big trip across the world. This was a genuine, guitar-smashing moment if you know what I mean.
A series of events such as this must cast a shadow. And yes, compared to much darker moments in human experience this is a relatively light one.
An early morning call from London might bring so much bad news that I’m thankful this is merely a bit of bitter disappointment for an otherwise golden child. And still, only a parent and child know the weight of such moments.
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Update:
To some degree this post has been about putting things into perspective and keeping them there. Many of you have highlighted this point in the comments and it seems very admirable advice for a new year. So along this same line: I’ve been growing increasingly fond of Penelope Trunk, and even more so with her latest post:
How to bounce back. “I smashed a lamp over my head. There was blood everywhere. And glass. And I took a picture…”
Her first point is “get perspective” and subsequent points are really in support of the first … tips and tricks. And not just the quick answer but an anguishing and tragically comic read from her personal life on just how difficult this advice is to follow.
I’m so sorry Matt: how heartbreaking for all of you.
I hope there will be many wonderful moments upcoming in the trip, to compensate for this disappointment.
I’ve just watched the YouTube clip: the band are just brilliant. What does Abby play? Has she been to other performances like this? What a great thing to be a part of!
Thank you. It is a lot fun for the kids and just so much focused energy. Abby plays trumpet. The band has at least one major trip each year. Next year they’re invited to the Rose Parade in Pasadena, Calif. Also on New Years day and the biggest parade in the US at that time of year.
I wish I was in London! She’s in London! I hope she finds a way to recover and enjoy the trip, even though she missed the main event.
I use my cell phone as my backup alarm when I travel – because it automatically sets itself correctly to the right time in whatever location. It’s a sad life lesson for her to learn. We have all had those stressful moments when we woke up late and missed something big. I missed a job interview once. Sadly it’s made me a little OCD about setting my alarm and checking it twice. Makes me want to go check my alarm clock right now. :0)
I worked for a float company once. Putting flowers on the rose parade floats. It’s volunteer, but it was extremely fun. I met Al Roker, who is really short in person . . . nice tangent there too. I love the rose parade! So fun!
Thank you, Angie! Yeah, I think London must be awesome. Hope she doesn’t decide to stay though. :)
She slept through three alarms and the chaperone says two phone calls as well. My guess is that OCD may lead her to use electrodes in the future.
So cool about your Rose Parade experience. If you haven’t posted somewhere about it I wish you would. Maybe here? :D I’ve seen the parade in person a few times but I’m sure I have no idea of the blood, sweat and tears that go into those beautiful floats. We’ll be going down with the band next year and I’ll have two daughters in the parade: Abby on trumpet and Lindy on flute.
Oh! I’m so sorry. I can’t believe that no one called roll at the coach. I too hope she manages to have some fun while she’s there.
Thank you, Paula. Yeah, we had the same question. Apparently it was a comedy of errors. I think she’ll be fine. She has many good friends there and her band directors are amazingly good people. Even after this, my trust that she’s in very dear hands hasn’t wavered.
Crap! I hate the helpless feeling in situations with your kids. And I suspect they just get more frequent as they grow. Thanks, Matt, for a little wake-up reminder to be thankful when things go as planned.
Since Britain is still a monarchy, can the chaps be put in the stocks for a spell….)
Thank you, Dan. I think you’re right about the curve on this one. Do things ever go as planned? This one was just a little more off than usual, I think. Something about stocks makes me grin a toothy grin though.
Oh no!!!!
On the bright side, she’s 15, not 17 and 1/2, so there will be other, and warmer, trips, even while in high school. But, in the moment, that doesn’t help much at all. If it had been me at 15, my biggest worry would have been that I’d be in trouble. :D
My 10 year old daughter is the first chair trumpet in her school, and we hope she sticks with it so she has opportunities such as this.
That’s a very good point. Thank you, Rachel. They really thought they were in trouble at first but the band director put them at ease as soon as he got back.
First chair, eh? That’s fantastic. I hope she finds lots of inspiration.
Late night calls about one’s children rarely bring good news. I’m glad that this was a transitory sadness, and I’m sure that it will be buffered by the sights and other experiences she’s having in London.
Oh, shoot. What a bummer!! But you’re right to take the long view. One of my sister’s little ones once pulled down a glass bottle of syrup and it broke into a million pieces. My sister was aggravated with all the mess and then was struck by this thought: before too long, they will be capable of making messes that require a lot more clean-up than just water, soap, and paper towels. So she decided to grin & bear it that time.
Hope she’s in good spirits now that a bit of time has passed . . .
Oh Matt, that’s awful :( I’m glad she sounds like she we recover though.
Matt, I did leave a kid at a gas station in Tennessee for about ten minutes once when I was a chaperone for a team of 6 high school age boys at a competition there, so I guess I can’t criticize them too much. (In my defense, he had told the other guys he was going in to buy a bottle of water, but they had all forgotten by the time my friend and I got back in the van.) But with a big group like that, I would have called roll.
When my kid who was twenty at the time was in Scotland to work for the summer. It was in 2005 when the G8 summit was there, and my friend who lives in Edinburgh emailed to tell me that the protests for the G8 were getting violent. I thought that he had moved to another town to look for work, but I called him to check on him. When he answered all I could hear were sirens, like the kind you hear in the Pink Panther movies. Then I heard him holler, “I’m caught on the edge of a riot. I’ll call you back.” He managed to duck into a pub and the owner closed up the security covers over the doors and windows, and they were all ok. But waiting for him to call back was the longest hour of my life.
Oh Matt! So sorry! Like Andy, I hope she has a great time during the rest of her trip and, when the feelings of disappointment have subsided, that this incident can become fodder for a story she can laugh at or take inspiration from.
Oh wow, that’s so frustrating. I’m not at the point with my own yet that I can understand the feeling of helplessness at not being able to be with them, but I remember being on the other end of a similar situation in high school and waking my own parents across the ocean. The drama is still palpable in my memory. I hope she enjoys being there at the very least and that you all look back on it with knowing smiles and a laugh one day.
Added an update to this post. See original post above. You won’t want to miss it.
And thank you, Mike, Heather, K, Paula, Heidi, Corktree and those who I’ve already addressed, for your comments. The above update comes in response to a wish we all seem to have … that time and its influence on memory will help put things into perspective. I’m sure it will and I think we all know the odds are very good based upon personal experience.