“Nobody means what they say on Thanksgiving, Mom. That’s what the holiday is all about. Torture.” – Claudia
I know I’m not supposed to talk about movies on Knit Together. That’s Andy’s job over at Rogue Cinema. (Hopefully they don’t fire me . . .) But I just can’t help it. When I think of Thanksgiving, I think of the 1995 movie Home for the Holidays with Holly Hunter, Robert Downey Jr., Dylan McDermott, and a young Claire Danes. I love this movie so much and have watched it I-don’t-know-how-many-times. If you haven’t watched it, rent it this week. Be careful who you watch it with, though. We once heartily recommended it to some friends who decided to watch it with their parents (which didn’t work out so well). I hesitate to describe this movie family as dysfunctional, because in so many ways, they’re just a regular family-whatever that means. The family members are dealing with big life problems: unemployment, a teenager who thinks she’s ready to lose her virginity, a gay brother whose sexual orientation has been accepted by some family members, ignored by others, and cruelly rejected by others, an aunt who reveals a forbidden love for another family members, and some deep-seated marital problems for more than one couple. The movie is funny, witty, poignant and bittersweet.
I love the movie even though I can’t relate to it at all. I’m always sad when I hear people complain about having to go home for the holidays. They roll their eyes, they heave heavy sighs, they complain about their siblings’ obnoxious children and their overbearing parents, you get the picture. For whatever reason, I am not one of those people. I’ll go home on Wednesday night and I’ll be happy to be there. I would honestly choose my siblings as friends even if we weren’t related. They are all smart, funny, ambitious, accomplished, thoughtful people. Shoot-I’d count myself lucky if they’d go along with being my friend! I’ll be happy to sit on my sister’s couch and watch the kids do what they call “cousining”-which is the word they’ve coined for time spent with cousins. They can go a few months without seeing each other and within 90 seconds of our arrival, they will have picked up right where they left off the last time. The only black mark on the weekend will be that one of my sisters won’t be there with us because she lives too far away.
I know my parents like that we are friends and enjoy watching their adult children interact with each other. I often wonder how they did it. Why do my siblings get along and genuinely enjoy each other’s company while others are content to keep their siblings at arm’s length? Is there some kind of secret formula to follow? Or a recipe card with step-by-step instructions on how to raise your children when they’re young so that they love/like each other when they grow up?
If anyone has that formula, could you please send it along? I want my kids to be friends as adults. I want them to be happy to come home for the holidays.
Blessings come in weird packages . . . I’m glad I got disowned this year so I can spend time with my friends and have a good time.
Thanksgiving has always been all about huge family gatherings and cousining for me too. BUT there is always the family fight that begins and gets everyone upset for at least a year. For as long as I can remember, that has been the Thanksgiving tradition. The cousins always laugh and joke about it but it’s not that fun — truth be told. Gives a new perspective to Family is Forever when my perception on family is intolerance, impatience, and anger. At least I’ll have something to laugh about with my cousins afterwards, we’ll have to do our cousining via the phone when they call to inform me of the latest. Dysfunction is useful for interesting gossip and comedy relief. Always have to look at the glass half full . . .
I should rent the movie and have a good laugh with my friends :0)
I don’t know if there’s a formula to guarantee that your kids will like each other as adults. Probably luck has something to do with it. Our kids did the normal amount of fighting and sibling rivalry growing up and I’m still surprised they enjoy each other as adult friends.
Just count yourself lucky to have such a close knit family– I think that that is probably more of a rareity than it is the so called ‘norm’. I don’t have siblings but always wanted them so there’s not much to say there. As far as my parents go, they always love their pets more than they love me– because “dogs love people unconditionally”, don’t you know? (insert eye roll here). I’m not even joking about that last part– that is a direct quote from my mom.
I am trying hard to break the cycle of distant parenting with our family unit but unfortunatley, I inherited my maternal side’s stubborness and impatience so it is doubly hard to be the family I always wished I’d had– though I am trying. But, thinking on what my Mom did differently (by not smoking or drinking like my grandmother did) I have a hope that by taking time to play with my kids, sitting down and eating meals together and having holiday traditions that maybe when they get older, they’ll strive to be a little bit better and pass down a little goodness too so that our family line gets stronger and closer generation after generation. Here’s to hoping that the kids will be friends–heaven knows we have so much family drama on both sides that it would be nice if we could all just get along. :)
I never thought about my siblings as a whole in this context, but I think I’ve had a realization. There are 4 of us, and 3 of us get along great. I truly enjoy being in their company. However, our youngest brother has mild Asperger Syndrome, and now as an adult is struggling with depression, alcoholism and gender identity issues. He has always been very difficult to spend time with, for these same reasons, especially for me because we are the closest in age. How sad for him to feel like an outsider, as I know he does. He often sabotages family get-togethers or excludes himself to justify the perception he has of himself as weird and unwanted. I think I need to send him a little extra love today… thanks Heather!
lol, I need to check out this film, Heather! And BTW, you’re welcome to review films on ‘Knit Together’! Especially when I’ve got you booked in for reviews on ‘Rogue Cinema’ as well. :)
I’ve been close to my siblings since we became adults – much more with my sister and youngest brother, who were too distant in age from me as a child to feel much connection. The key for me has just been to laugh about the old things we used to enjoy doing together. I think maintaining this as my siblings get married and have families (this hasn’t happened yet) will be another challenge – but on the other hand, I think kids getting to spend time together is a big help for these family relationships.
I’ve been thinking about this film this holiday too! I should probably watch it again to refresh my memory, but I do remember wishing that my family felt more like that, even in all its imperfection. Weird.
Heather!! I too LOOOOOVE this movie! I watched it one depressing night 2 years ago in the middle of summer after yet another long conversation with my mother about “God’s Laws” and why our family can’t be perfect like so and so’s….oh man was the timing of this movie cathartic!! My favorite line: “Mom, we’re all just growing up”, meaning that growing up means having grow up problems…and that’s OKAY! I was also reminded of my own Mothers heartache as I watched the films’ Mother cry in the pantry, mourning the perfectness that she’d hoped to create for her children and then walk out and love them for who they were…imperfect. I recommended this film emphatically on FacesEast and after a few of them watched it got a unanimous and resounding “your weird for liking that movie” response. Until just now, I believed them! I’m so glad to have some weird friends;)
Ashley, it’s not weird. It’s a great movie! So bitter sweet. We love it.