This guest post invitation may seem simplistic. All we’re asking for is for women (of any age) to send us a few sentences, a paragraph, or ten paragraphs (whatever seems appropriate for the experience) about a time–a specific situation, event, interaction, epiphany, etc.–when they felt “less-than” at church.
There’s been an uptick in the Bloggernacle in the chatter about women and their place in the church (for example, see http://mormonfeminist.org/, or http://ordainwomen.org/). The following comments illustrate why we want these stories:
First, from a male commenter on one of our posts:
“My first thoughts were that I am missing some experience in the church that everyone seems to be talking about. I grew up in a mormon family and was ordained a deacon at 12. Now in my 30′s I am a high priest. Never ever have I witnessed any degradation or suppression of a woman’s opinion in church settings simply because they don’t hold the priesthood. I have never witnessed or heard a woman express that they feel inequality due to feeling closed off from the priesthood. Maybe this is a problem for certain parts of the church but not all. I have always been taught to value and listen to a Sister’s opinion on all matters when it is given. Acting in any other way is contrary to what a priesthood holder is required to do. It really does not sit well with me to think that some priesthood holders are setting themselves up as better or higher or ‘in charge’.
In contrast, read this quote from a woman from a different discussion on another forum:
“It really does hurt, knowing that you are kept out of certain aspects of your own religion simply because of your sex. I had an experience at BYU that exemplified this for me. It was small, but painful for me. One Sunday, I was up by the stand to talk to the Bishop about something. As I stood there I noticed the young man (my age) arranging the sacrament table was having difficulty straightening the cloth, so I reached over and smoothed the corner on my side. He stopped and looked at me and told me that I couldn’t help. As if my very touching of the Sacrament table cloth might contaminate it. I suddenly felt so unworthy and shameful, simply because I am a woman. This boy wasn’t mean. But he was very clear that I, as a woman, had no place in any part of that Sacrament ritual or preparation. That it would be wrong for me to be. He seemed frightened that the very fact of my touching that cloth might have destroyed the sanctity of the Sacrament. It was sickening. And even thinking back, after several years have passed, it makes me both furious and terribly sad. I know there are many people in the Church who do not feel as I do. They are not hurt by the divisions and the differences. But for me, it is extremely painful to be told I am an equally valued member of the human family, a daughter of a Divine Being, but then, in practice, to be segregated and separated and excluded. For no reason but because I am a woman instead of a man. It is incomprehensible to me. And very hurtful.”
We aren’t looking for diatribes, just a simple description of the experience and how you felt. Nothing fancy.
We’ll be publishing these guest posts over the next 6-8 weeks. Submissions should be sent to guestposts@dovesandserpents.org (please see our guest post guide). Here is a list of past themes and archived posts:
–Unexpected Spiritual Exerpiences (Invitation, Archive)
–Teaching Sex (Invitation, Archive)
The Doves and Serpents Bloggers
My relief society president once told me that she feared for my future children because I planned to continue getting my education after getting married.
A month later, a girl in one of my classes chose to paint a picture of me holding a baby and a briefcase for one of her classes. She told me she had spent many nights angry at me for choosing to have a career outside of the home, and she painted the picture of me to express her feelings about my life.
… Last time I checked, God will still love me and allow me into heaven for choosing to care for my family the best way possible. No where in scripture does it say “thou shalt be cast down to hell for thine degree.” Why were these women freely able to judge and condemn me when I haven’t committed a sin?
Regarding the sacrament tablecloth incident, I’m not justifying what he said as culturally or doctrinally correct, but when I was a deacon and I tried helping the priest who was struggling to get the lace tablecloth lifted when it got caught on the tray, I was corrected and was told I had to be a priest in order to touch the cloth. I can see why the anonymous person above had a different reaction. My thought was, “that’s stupid,” but my reaction was one of an AP holder who one day would be able to touch that cloth.
Years ago, I was called to be the YW president and was asked to pray sincerely when considering counselors. A few days later, I took my candidate list in to the bishop. The bishopric counselor over YW was also there. They looked over the list and the counselor asked me if I’d been inspired in my choices. I replied I had been. Then he said, “Well, I’ve been inspired too, and none of these names came to my mind.” Needless to say, I was a bit taken aback. I asked what names he had, and he told me I would find out when they were announced at sacrament meeting. At this point, the bishop chimed in to say that because the counselor was the priesthood holder responsible for the program, his selections would be my new presidency. And for the next two years, it was all downhill from there…
Here’s an example of women being treated as less-than. We don’t even bother sharing their names!
http://bycommonconsent.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/mothers.jpg
A few months ago I was sitting in Relief Society making small talk with the girl next to me. After telling me all about her newlywed life, she asked me if I was married. I told her, “No”, to which she replied, with pity in her voice, “That’s okay.”
That’s okay? What? I was shocked! Of course it’s okay! I’m extremely happy. I’m in my 30’s and have a career that I love and have traveled all over the world. I’m more than okay!
On my mission in Bolivia, women were not allowed to touch the sacrament tray, even to pass it down the row. The deacons would trip and push past every woman in the row, in order to get the tray to a male’s hands, even if that male was not of priesthood-holding age. I would always take the tray from them, and it would cause quite a stir. Multiple times, I was called in to the bishop/BP for rebuke. Word got back to the mission president as to my insubordination. I asked my mission president to address this issue with the bishops and branch presidents, as it is not a correct practice. He informed me that this issue was “small potatoes” (his words) and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. For me, this was very significant. For me, it was my eye-opening experience, to the oppression of the patriarchy. It broke my heart.