One of the most profound ideas from my big Christmas trip was how it affected my relationship with my wallet. Taking a family of 6 that far for that long went beyond the normal vacation budgets and into spending money that could/should have been saved for a house (we’re currently renting), college or rainy day. Instead of stability or security, what we got in return for the investment was a T-shirt, some photos and our memories. Were they priceless as the commercial would imply or was I irresponsible for sacrificing my kids’ college funds, and where is that line exactly?
I’m going to tackle money issues in the next few columns discussing our ideas on frugality, abundance, tithing, etc. and how they’re shaped by our religious outlook. Today’s column is focused on the idea of savers vs. spenders. I realize there is a level of poverty which prevents this column from being relevant to some, but most of us who have the ability and time to be on the internet have some discretion in our spending habits, even if it’s merely the kind of chicken we buy from the grocery store (see below).
As an admitted spender (I actually like to think of myself as a splurger really), I’ve long felt out of place in LDS culture. When I first started attending Relief Society and hearing the stories of all the ways money could be saved, I began to feel guilt because I felt no guilt over the fact that I bought both boneless and skinless chicken breasts. To hear the women I was surrounded by speak, this was a luxury reserved only for the most wealthy among us, and though most of us bought our chicken processed this way, it was considered a guilty pleasure.
I would spend years trying to be like them, counting every penny I spent, clipping coupons, and making the things I wanted for my home and family rather than buying them, but in the end I always just felt deprived and overwhelmingly not good enough. I somehow got the impression that being a good steward was wrapped up in these activities.
They’re generally admirable habits, but they didn’t work for me. Instead I’ve muddled along learning how to save and budget in other ways yet always wishing I was a saver at heart.
Taking this trip required I move past the idea that spending is somehow bad or wrong. The more I did that, the more fun I had, even though the money spent would have been the same with either attitude. And I watched this phenomenon play out on a smaller scale with my children as those who are naturally spenders had every bit as much fun as the savers even though they were out of souvenir money much faster. They had confidence in their spending decisions and either were happy with their initial purchases or learned to be happy with them. For me, spending and saving became just a choice, not a moral issue.
I’ve always known that being a spender has risks and costs, but this wonderful trip taught me that there are also costs to being a saver. What is the cost to your memory of not experiencing or enjoying new places, food, etc.? What is the cost to your quality of life in terms of time and convenience you could save by spending a bit more money? What is the cost to your soul of using/stealing someone’s ideas or work without paying them?
Are you a spender or a saver and do you attach a certain morality to it?
This post makes me smile…… I have a lot of issues about money I think! I’m a spender, but have begun to attach value to the ‘deal’ rather than the item. I buy things I don’t really need because they are a good deal, which turns the morality of saving on it’s head. I feel moral for not spending much on the item, but on second glance, it seems immoral to buy more than we need or want, and to spend lots of time/resources on managing all the stuff in the house.
As for your last question, I’m not sure what you mean. But one thing I’ve struggled with is the moral or ethical question of benefiting from someone’s sweat shop type labor when I buy what is referred to in my home as ‘cheap crap from China.’ Pretty much all items other than specific electronics (and probably an argument can be made there as well) that I buy could be purchased in one of four basic ways. For example, I could buy a hand thrown casserole dish from my local artist, I could buy a high quality imported Japanese or English porcelain casserole dish new from a department or specialty store, or I could buy a ‘cheap crap made in China’ version at Target. All of these choices have moral implications. The one that feels good to me most often is buying the high quality handmade or imported item used. But then I fall into the trap of buying more than we need because it’s so cheap.
I guess I have a lot of issues on this topic!
My dad, who was a teenager in 1929 and had to pull his savings out of his un-closed bank to save his parents’ business after their bank closed, was a saver. I’ve laughed for years about his thrift–he bought everything except groceries at Deseret Industries and saved thousands while living on Social Security. Dad disapproved of my “high of the hog” living–we actually kept two cars and did not stock up on Tap Ramen when the local grocery advertised it for10 cents a package.
Of course, my children think I’m every bit as tight as I thought my dad was, and I shake my head over their needs for the latest technology and indifference to cancellation fees for changing provider contracts.
Thrift has a generational component.
@Claire – definitely all the management of stuff in the house is a cost of being a spender, I’ve started calculating the cost in energy of storing things we aren’t using but one day may in determining whether I want to chase it around and let it occupy space in my ever-increasingly small memory.
@Course Correction – I’m intrigued by how you said your kids perceive your spending.
My kids aren’t quite old enough to have opinions on my spending yet. I try not to use “we can’t afford it” as a reason we don’t do or buy something, because I really believe that most of the time we can afford almost anything, but not everything. In reality, what we’re saying is it’s not as big of a priority for us as other things are. So while we could technically afford the new Legos set, we’re not buying it because we are choosing to use our money for x, y or z. They’ll probably grow up resenting this line of thought as much as any other, but it makes me feel less deprived :)
I’m a spender trying to pay off mega dollars worth of stuff on the charge card. It’s really hard and I’ve found I need to re-examine my whole thought process so that I don’t run up the card again. So now, before spending my money, I ask myself: Will it buy me happiness or will it buy me pleasure? If it’s happiness, then I don’t need to worry so much about it, but if it’s pleasure, I definitely need to hold off and determine whether I truly need it or not. A trip to New Zealand is a once in a life-time event for your family and the memories of the trip will bring you happiness forever. I think that is an investment worth every penny.
This gives me a lot to think about, Mel. I can’t easily classify myself as a spender or a saver–it depends on what I’m thinking of buying! For instance, I would never buy a brand new car. And yes, I do attach some moral value to that. It seems incredibly wasteful. I have my parents to thank for that, I think. That just seems like taking thousand dollar bills and flushing them down the toilet to me.
But I happily and readily spend a couple bucks a day on a Diet Dr. Pepper from my favorite convenience store. One of my sisters would never “waste” that much money on something frivolous like that (she’s a DEFINITE saver, that one), but I figure if I spend $3 a day on that, I’m out approx. $1000. Totally worth it to me. ;)
Still, it would take many years of Diet Dr. Peppers to make up for a new car as opposed to one that’s a few years old and has maybe 50,000 miles on it.
I think I do ruin some things for my kids by grousing about how much things cost. And that’s not good.
I also stopped saying “We don’t have money for that” a pretty good long while ago because it’s disingenuous. A more honest response would be “I’m not going to buy that for you right now” or “We don’t need that.”
I’m not sure whether you want sympathy or advice (i’m a man and capable of either, but inclined to finding solutions).
The church does offer advice but again it is not necessarily up to date. I know of a family for example who chose not to buy a house (to continue renting) because they believed that was an extension of “staying out of debt” which you hear from the pulput.
I think when budgeting you need a small amount of discretionary spending for each adult. So that discretionary spending is limited. You need to be aware of which items are consumables,(food, cosmetics), which will depriciate (car), and which will appreciate (house- though in America only in areas where there is a shortage of housing).
You need to be aware that there is bad debt (when you pay it back you have nothing to show for it-consumables), not good debt (where you pay it off and have something worth less than you paid for it car-furniture), acceptable debt (when you pay it back it is worth more than you paid for it and continues to appreciate -house), and good debt (where someone else pays it back and you have something that increases in value.
If you are to be financially successful you need a plan to achieve that – you need to have plan to buy your first house- preferably at a discount. Or you could start microsoft, but not a network marketing version.
I try not to attach moral value to how people choose to spend their money, but I do wish someone had explained it to me when I was younger.