I was driving carpool home from preschool and saw a gentleman walking along the roadway. Well-groomed and healthy looking, at first I wasn’t sure if he was homeless or just on his way somewhere. As I drew to a stop at the light he pulled a sign- containing the word “cancer”- out of his jacket, so I rolled down my passenger window. He noticed and came up- I offered him the lunch and he accepted with a “Thank you very much!”
I was pleased to have given away my fourth lunch, but in retelling the story, I began having doubts. Was this person scamming people? How many of my Twelve Lunches would go to dishonest hucksters- how many already HAD?
Does it matter?
I often hear from people who choose not to help homeless people because a) they will use any cash they are given for alcohol or drugs or b) they are likely to be scammers. We’ve all heard the one about the ‘homeless’ person who drives a Lexus and lives in the suburbs on their tax-free six figure income from busking at the subway station. In reality, I’ve been approached many times here in the city by people asking for cash – not a buck but more like a twenty- because they are stranded far away from home and need gas or a bus ticket. These people are often well-groomed and good communicators, as opposed to the type of homeless person I often encountered asking for change on a street corner, who are more likely to be in need of a bath and dressed in dirty clothing or without a coat. I suppose my soccer-mom persona probably makes me an easy mark for the scammers- I’m often approached in grocery store parking lots when I’m getting out of my mini-van decorated with school bumper stickers, shopping list in hand. I’ve known others (usually men) who are approached at ATMs.
I’ve decided not to let my fear of being tricked interfere with the happy dispersal of Twelve Lunches. They are freely given to the first twelve people I encounter who will accept. Ridding myself of the attachment to the money I spent on the materials to make them up allows me to be willfully reckless with who they go to. I’m not bogged down with the responsibility of judging anyone’s worthiness to partake of my family’s resources.
And it feels good to be free.
Here’s an interesting news story on homeless people being the ones duped. Very unfortunate.
http://www.gwinnettdailypost.com/home/headlines/101441829.html
A few years ago when I was in London, a very drunk man came up to me, and said that he needed to get to home to the far east side of London. He wanted five pounds for a transit ticket he said. It was about 10 PM, and we were on our way into the hotel, so I whipped out my all day travel pass and handed it to him, thinking I had really solved a problem. It still was good for two more hours and would have gotten him across London in plenty of time. He rolled his eyes, took it, and wobbled off looking pretty disgusted. So I suppose I was being scammed then. But my somewhat naive Mormon mind didn’t figure it out until I saw how annoyed he was by the travel pass.
Paula, that was quick thinking. I think you did the right thing. You helped him get what he said he needed.
I’m sure the scams happen sometimes, but I think you ask a good question: “Does it matter?” I think not. At the same time, I aim to be clear if I help someone. I like Paula’s comment about giving the day pass. Good thinking.
It’s worth helping. A ragged looking guy on the street is always someone I give $5 to. Once I gave a guy a $20 because … well, that’s all I had in my wallet and after opening it up I wasn’t about to NOT give him something. He was in heaven and, for all I know, got really plastered that night, which, for him, might be the best thing that happened to him that week.
I don’t like the guy that comes up to you in the grocery store parking lot who looks decent and his “car won’t start” or he needs “an exact amount for a tow-truck or locksmith”. I don’t trust it, but I’ve given somebody $15 once or twice on this one, but it still bothers me. And, if they throw in that they are “a Christian” it turns my stomach. Like that’s a secret handshake or something.
Claire, as always — you’re sending a beautiful message. Here’s the thing, if you offered me a lunch it would make an impression on me that some parts of the world are safe and comforting. You keep sending that message because when it comes to love and peace we are all beggars.
One of the best verses in Mormon scripture is King Benjamin’s sermon where he asks “Are we not all beggars?” So profound.
In a way, giving the lunches and not caring about whether we’re getting duped is what it’s all about.
Derrida says some things about true hospitality: that it would require you to be willing to invite anyone into your home, unconditionally – even if they wanted to do you harm. In the same way, true giving requires us to not expect anything in return – even that their request is genuine!
Being charitable can have both positive and negative outcomes. In the mid 80’s an LDS bishop in Texas, with seven children, took itupon himself to pick up hitchhikers. He would take the opportunity to share the gospel and place a book of Mormon. During a sweltering Texas summer, he picked up the wrong individual. A search was initiated after he had been reported missing. Sadly, he was found in the trunk of his car hours later, too late for rescuers to make a difference.
“Being charitable can have both positive and negative outcomes.”
George, it’s true.
So, should knowing this stop us from being charitable? How does that story affect your life and your charitable actions? If being charitable never brought any risk, would it still be charity?
Being charitable does have both positive and negative outcomes. Few, if any, acts have only positive outcomes. Each choice we make comes with a benefit, and with the loss of other potential choices we might make. Still, we must make choices. Life is full of them. I like the choice of charity. If we all choose self-serving options instead of charity, it would be a bleak world.
George – what a terrible story.
I think that being charitable may have risks, but we can also weigh the risks. No way am I picking up hitch-hikers to share the gospel with them. The risk to benefit ratio isn’t there in my mind. I’d prefer to take risks with my pride, with my social conduct. I’ll risk offending someone, or being politically incorrect, or reaching out to the wrong person before I’d put myself in physical danger, and in most cases that I can think of, that kind of risk can give a larger benefit.
I tend to think that if our time and money and good intentions are given in the right spirit, then there really can’t be any negative outcomes. If my intention is to do what I can to help and I’m willing to monitor and adjust as I go, then there’s no negative. Even if I get duped, I figure the person who is being dishonest needs a little love as much as anyone else. Giving is giving. It’s not giving if there are strings attached.
Laurie- very well said. It’s easy, sometimes, so start on the slippery slope of logical fallacies. Helping people can be risky/harmful, therefore, I shouldn’t help people. We need to examine our thought processes and decide what risks we are willing to take, rather than turn a blind eye.
I have often picked up hitch hikers. I did it just last Thursday. I have never felt I was in physical danger even though from a logical standpoint I am ALWAYS in physical danger when I am driving a car!! And I have read all the stories, even George’s story and I guess I have chosen over and over and over again to risk my physical well being.
I used to be the RS Pres. in a small Spanish/English Branch in the Ghetto of Camden, NJ. I drove my van either by myself, with all five kids with me, or with my husband and all five kids into the Branch area to serve those people. I had rocks thrown at my van, I had people yell at me etc. and I went and never really felt in danger.
I serve a lady in my ward who has parkinson’s. The Bishop has told them that he does NOT want RS sisters in the home. He and the RS Pres. feel that it is too much to ask of the sisters to assist someone who really needs full time care. There are about 13 of us who assist her, we are all members of RS. We are just helping her as good neighbors. What the BP and RS Pres. worry about is liability. what if she falls and we don’t know what to do because we are not trained etc. The could sue us. YEP. They cannot afford in home care and for personal reasons do not apply for disability etc.
Serving your fellow human beings can often include risks. I feel more alive when I am assisting in a way that I can. As long as I accept the risks, acknowledge them, and choose to do it anyway, I have not been fearful.
I know that there are things I do not do because I do not feel good about them or I experience fear. I do not do those. If I felt fear at picking up hitch hikers, I would NOT do it. If I felt fear of serving a person who would do better with a trained nurse then I would NOT do it. But just because I do not fear does NOT mean there is no risk.
I love that people serve with no thought of themselves. I love that giving is not attached to the outcome. It really does allow for inner aliveness.