[This is one of a series of posts on Caitlin Moran’s book How to Be a Woman. Click here for other posts in this series.]
I picked up How To Be A Woman by accident and read it on a dare. Wandering into Barnes & Noble this last September with my daughter one Saturday I picked up what I thought was a Halloween-themed book on the new non-fiction table featuring some witchy-looking lettering on the cover above the picture of a smirking woman sporting a less formal version of the Bride-of-Frankenstein hairdo. The author had the vaguely familiar sounding name of “Caitlin Moran.” Mistaking her for Caitlin Flanagan, a book reviewer I like for The Atlantic Monthly who is known for her fine literary insults, I flipped through it, thinking it a collection of her reviews. My daughter, seeing the cover, dared me to buy it and read it. So, I did. I confess a bit of apprehension dipping my toes into a book like this, but I was immediately engrossed in this smart, amusing and feminist theme-focused memoir. As a man, here’s what I learned.
Feminism can, and should, be explained in a way to men that is not only understandable, but also sympathetic, without making them feel like complicit conspirators in the patriarchal society they inherited, but did not intentionally design. And this requires humor. Moran understands and uses humor as her preferred weapon, showing her acquaintance with Twain’s dictum that “against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.” Just as Archie Bunker made us laugh away ridiculed prejudices over time, Caitlin Moran’s amusing, even if sometimes a bit too cheeky for some (frequent use of ALL CAPS), personal writing style enables us to not only see, but also laugh away as ridiculous, many of our society’s sexist assumptions.
However, not everything I learned from Moran came through amusing anecdotes. Some lessons are more sobering. Through Moran’s eyes I finally realized that, for a modern woman, her body has become a series of problems to be solved, at least if she pays any attention at all to the body-image messages constantly sent to her by pop culture. If I can just fix this, then that, then this, and finally that, I will be a happy woman, she says, and this really depressed me. Now, at a gut level, I understand what my wife has been putting up with her entire life–how could I not have seen this more clearly before? I thought I had understood this, but I didn’t. And now that my daughter is 14 years old, she will be faced with this as well, my having a teenage daughter perhaps allowing me to better understand the existential dilemma through the eyes of a father, rather than through the eyes of a mate. Moran teaches this to me not by philosophical discussion using academic jargon, arguments I’ve probably heard before but never truly listened to or even understood, but by Moran’s unpretentious autobiographical vignettes, employing the ancient art of a story well told, drawing me in, allowing me to wear her shoes (a lot of funny discussions about those as well!).
In many ways reading this memoir as a man is like being the Mel Gibson character in that movie with Helen Hunt, “What Women Want,” and getting an inside glimpse of more than just pop feminism for the masses, but other inside feminine details at once informative and entertaining. In one of her more interesting revelations, on pages 141-144, Moran explains something I never knew, that (some?) women fantasize about “trying men out” in relationship situations (not sex) in their mind’s eye, even if they don’t necessarily like them and would never, ever date them. Her evolutionary explanation for this kind of daydreaming makes a lot of sense. Is this true? Is this the female equivalent of what men (purportedly) do every seven minutes of the day? When I walk down the hall at work, is someone eyeing me and contemplating how well I might perform … domestic tasks? If so, cool!
;
She’s right. At least about underpants. And certainly correct about Mormon men and underpants.
Finally, as you might imagine, Moran discusses the controversial topic of abortion. Rather than wade into that debate in this post, I’ll just say that this chapter was personal, brave and more sympathetic than I believed possible. Her confidence and serenity on this subject allowed me to think more deeply than I have before about an issue that will not go away, one for which there is a vast amount of misunderstanding, as several former male members of our legislature have recently learned. Until we are willing to hear stories like Moran’s honest recounting of her experiences here, we will not be ready to understand how to discuss this or any other issue relating to women’s reproductive rights.
So, my male friends, accept my daughter’s dare. Read this book. Better understand a woman’s search for happiness, and it will assist you in your man’s search for happiness. It has mine. Don’t be afraid. This feminist water isn’t cold at all. Jump right in.
This is a fantastic review! I love the idea of daring men to read it. Congratulations to your daughter, and to you for taking that dare. I just read the book myself a couple weeks ago, and my husband started it immediately after I finished. (Anything that has me laughing so loud that he has to ask me to stop reading so he can sleep is usually something he wants to read as well.) It is a hilarious book, and it’s also so, so educational-even for women, who’ve been experiencing what she’s talking about all along, but probably without all of her brilliant insights on the subject.
The book looks intriguing! Thanks for the very engaging review of it.
Okay, I’m forwarding your review to my husband to see if it will convince him to read it. I REALLY want him to. I will return and report.
Tell us here what he says Dayna!
See Ed, this is why I like you so much.
You’re about the only guy in the world who could write something so thoughtful and feministy and wise and cool and still — STILL — get away with throwing in that one-liner about how Moran’s ‘do makes her look like the bride of Frankenstein, even though every other man in the world is totally thinking the same thing.
Well done, brah.
[fist bump].
Mark, I meant “Bride-of-Frankenstein do” in the best possible way! Her hair reminds me of the waiter in Hitchcock’s “To Catch a Thief”, the guy who was the dead “Cat” suspect until the police are reminded by Cary Grant that the waiter had a wooden leg. Anyway, that waiter had a Pepe LePew streak of white hair in his front part taht I always coveted for myself someday.
I heard her talk about her hair in an an interview at the Hays Literary Festival. The hair is a nod to Susan Sontag. :)
Aha!
Nice!
Great review, Ed. My husband read the book and laughed a lot, although he didn’t love everything about the book (unlike me, I even developed a great affection for her frequent use of ALL CAPS).Humor breaks down all kinds of barriers. If we can laugh, it’s not so scary.
And, for anyone wondering, Greggs is a UK bakery chain that sells sausage rolls and cream cakes. :)
I’m going to steal Heather’s copy and start reading. . .
Shes not from Utah, the hair is not a problem. The book sounds good.
“Moran explains something I never knew, that (some?) women fantasize about “trying men out” in relationship situations (not sex) in their mind’s eye, even if they don’t necessarily like them and would never, ever date them.”
I must say I cannot relate to this. Although men I *would* date is another story…
I’ve often thought that one of the best ways to get men to understand feminism is to have them think about what kind of world they would want their daughter to grow up in. Ideally, men would want that type of world for every person, but at least it’s a starting point for discussion.
Helen and I are reading this together – every time we sit down together, it seems! I’ve really enjoyed it so far – thanks for the validation on the ‘male reading’ here, Ed! I have to keep in mind that Moran is a comic, first – she often evokes (over?)colourful generalisations about men. But, hey, our gender has been *THE OPPRESSOR* for (at least) millennia, so it’s only fair.
As much as the ‘strident feminist’ content, I’ve enjoyed her tone of voice – and so, it makes sense that her image on the front of the book is so prominent. She sounds like someone it would be fun to hang out with: and, as she says herself, if we laugh together, we tend to more easily agree.
Thanks to D&S in general for highlighting the book, and sorry we’re late to the party! :)