I’ve been thinking a lot about vanity lately. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become very camera shy. It was a big deal to post that photo of me in last week’s post. Somehow, the camera never seems to catch me looking like I think I look. Or is it hope? Because the truth is, I’m not a slim, cute 20 year old anymore. Why do I hold myself to that standard? Like Bella Swan, why are we so desperate to cling to youth and beauty?
Maybe photos are my particular Achilles’ Heel. Vanity takes many forms, and almost all of them are found on Facebook. You have the 14 year old girls who post dozens of webcam shots of themselves making funny faces and the 14 year old boys who post videos of themselves lip-synching to funny rap songs. You have the moms who post about how their kids say their prayers and read scriptures without being reminded. There are the daily to-do checklist posts. There are the check-ins from exclusive clubs or the beach. Facebook is a jumbo jet flying us all to Vanity Island, and I’m in first class, diligently untagging unflattering photos of myself.
In 1497, supporters of the Italian priest Girolamo Savonarola collected and publicly burned thousands of objects like cosmetics, art, and books at the Mardi Gras festival in Florence-the Bonfire of the Vanities. Any object that might tempt one to sin was thrown on the fire, even musical instruments. Now, I can NEVER get behind the idea of burning musical instruments, but the idea of a bonfire to rid ourselves of vanity sometimes has its appeal, especially on mornings when I’ve braided my 12 year old’s hair three different ways and she’s still not happy with it, or when I feel annoyed at my 6 year old for wearing mismatched clothes, or when I’m embarrassed that I drive a minivan that has a lot of crumbs on the floor. I can see the appeal of dressing Plain like the Amish on days like that.
What role does vanity play in your life?
Ah, fascinating, Claire! At first, I read this with curiosity–I didn’t even know you could un-tag photos of yourself! And I am not one to look at pictures of myself and gasp and say, “Oh, no! Look at my butt!” or “Look how fat I look!” (although my Relief Society arms aren’t my favorite . . .).
However, perhaps there is a vanity about NOT being vain. It’s almost a point of pride for me to NOT care that much about the way I look and to NOT worry about my outward appearance.
Isn’t that a type of vanity?
Yes…. I wonder about that with the photos of the middle schoolers making horrible faces- on one hand, seems not vain. On the other hand, what is not vain about posting 100s of pictures of yourself on FB?
I’m reminded of the Dickens character, always talking about how ‘umble he was…..
My earliest memories of my grandmother included her with completely gray hair. (My family lived with my grandmother from the time I was 8, so she would have been in her early 60’s.) When I would see earlier pictures of her with dark hair I always thought it was someone else. It just didn’t look like her.
Also, my memory of her is that she was terribly camera shy. She joked that she was part Indian (Native American) and thought that the camera would steal her soul. OK… I can only think of 2 or 3 pictures of her from the years we lived with her.
After she died (I was 30) I helped my mother and her brother go through some things in her bedroom. There were dozens of pictures of her from her younger years — including when she was a flapper (dancer) in the 1920’s. Apparently, her camera-shyness developed after she turned gray. I’d never known that she was a flapper. I didn’t know until I read her obituary that she had been married and divorced before meeting my grandfather.
Was that her vanity? Weird. It’s one of those things that I never really pieced together until much later.
I think my vanity has fear at its heart. I want to control outcomes, make myself as flawless as possible so people will like me.
This is so beautifully articulated! I would love to quote you on the infamous facebook, with your permission and last name if you desire…
The part about appearing perfect so people will like me… love it so honest.
Quote me all you like, no last names necessary. :)
I tried a different brand and shade of hair dye recently, it went much darker than I expected. It embarasses me how much this threw me through a loop. I had to consciously not kick myself for being upset about it. I know a handful of people (including a child) going through chemo for cancer and who have lost their hair. I had to remember that my feelings were still okay, I have a lot to be thankful for and stuff happens. Feeling guilty for being vain is not useful for me…I need to own how I feel and then let it go (process it somehow).
For women in particular, so much is focused in our society on how we look. Everything for whether or not we get a job to the happiness in a relationship may be related to our appearance.
We can fight against those social judgments, and many people try not to judge, but some of that may be there. Acknowledging our society and being aware of that can be helpful.