Today on Stacks another guest post from Jared. Heidi may or may not agree with a few of these, but the opinions below are entirely his own.
Did you know that God gave Rock and Roll to you? That’s awesome! Did you also know that Kiss recorded that song, which was originally written by Argent in 1973, for Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, the 1991 sequel to their excellent adventure? Argent (and Kiss) sagely advised:
” if you don’t have money or a fancy car
are you tired of wishing on a falling star ?
you need to put your faith in the sound of a loud guitar.”
In the spirit of Argent’s wisdom, I give you the following list of all things awesome:
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Do you drive your car and still bump “The Humpy Dance?”
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Did you shed a tear when your five-year-old son said, “Who is this? He sucks,” when Coldplay is on MTV?
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Do you go on You Tube and watch Muse’s “Knights of Cydonia” over and over and refuse to do anything useful for the rest of the day like mow the lawn, do the dishes or go home teaching? You’re so in touch with the awesome.
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Are you unable to eat dinner because your Marshall Stack and Gibson Flying V are taking up all the room in the kitchen? -
Do your kids want “Shoot the Runner” by Kasabian for their bedtime song every night?
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Have you refused to make your bed since you were born? Dumb, but awesome.
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Does head butting sound like a good idea?
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Does it need more cowbell?
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Is Rammstein merely OK?
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Do you own a copy of Velvet Goldmine on DVD?
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Is Too Short your favorite rapper? You’re awesome.
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Does the movie Heavy Metal have spiritual significance to you?
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Do you wonder what your wife would look like in chain-mail?
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Would you fight Bon Jovi? So, very awesome.
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Did you teach the missionary discussions to the bassist of Blue Oyster Cult?
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Do you instruct your students to “listen to more metal?”
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Do you love your wife because she loves the Dead Kennedys?
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Do you hate Eric Clapton, but love Cream?
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Have special feelings for Bjork?
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Wish you could be knighted? Awesome.
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Did you quietly chuckle when your homophobic roommate borrowed you Erasure t-shirt? Yes. Man, you’re awesome.
Do you miss Beavis and Butthead?
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Did you figure out how to get paid to go to the Vans Warp Tour?
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Did Jesus build your Hotrod?
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Are you convinced that 11 is louder?
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Did you wear your KMFDM shirt to the BYU testing center and tell the girl who tried to get you to change your shirt “not to blow her top?”
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Do you wish you could own a BMF’er wallet?
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Do you shout at the TV when Steve Perry is on?
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Did you scare your mom by listening to Skinny Puppy?
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Do you know that you are twice as big as you were 20 years ago, but refuse to throw out your medium-sized Pixies shirt?
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Are there never enough bands with umlauts?
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Isn’t it great when Meatloaf dies in Rocky Horror Picture Show?
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Do you start swearing again after listening to Tenacious D? Feel the awesome, love the awesome, embrace the awesome.
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Do you think that gratuitous 80’s sax was fine art?
Are you an apologist for the devil because he has all the best tunes?
You cannot try to be awesome, you must be awesome….that is the law of awesome.
Pure. Awesome.
Thank you Jared! This post made my day… I’ve been trying to teach a media literacy class at a high school. My biggest goal has been to try to expose them to some awesome film. Today’s lesson was about visual language (or mise-en-scene to sound a bit pretentious). I had some epic plans to show clips from Cool Hand Luke, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligary, E.T., Passion of Joan of Arc and Detroit Rock City! I was really excited about the class… but no one came! Anyways, its good to know that I can check a few things off the list, and still be a little awesome, even if I’m the only one who knows it! :)
Fodder for a line of awesome t-shirts. Or an series of awesome beer commercials.
My mother always told me that awesome is as awesome does. You’ve done it, Jared. Awesome!
Here’s one more: if you think the word “awesome” is awesome, no, if the word “awesome” is always the first that comes to mind when you experience The Awesome(TM) and you actually use it without thinking, even around your Lit Grad friends, then you are awesome.
I don’t understand this post at all. There aren’t any Celine Dion references, for crying out loud. And as Whitney says, “I believe the children are our future.” That’s a profound sentiment. Doesn’t it deserve to be on a list of awesome things?
Irony is awesome.
Nice post. No wonder Jared is one of my most awesome friends.!
Wow. I’m a complete loser. I never realized it until I read this list. I guess I’m kind of stunned, because I’ve always wanted to be awesome. Everyone want’s to be awesome, right? I mean, that’s why they call it “awesome.” I think. This post proves that I’m no expert on awesome. I guess I’d hoped I was awesome, but maybe I knew deep down that I wasn’t awesome at all, and I was in denial, so that’s why this is such a blow. And it’s a fair guess that everyone else already knew. I must have been the guy that people pointed at and laughed about saying, “He thinks he’s awesome, but he’s not.” I’m totally humiliated by this post.
Nerd humility is AWESOME!
Amazing Jared! Let’s redefine personal history and journal writing by requiring everyone to create their own similar list of what is “awesome”. I have the suspicion that an “awesome” list from everyone I know would tell me more about them than any auto-biography ever could.
Exactly! Being awesome is being yourself (cue “The More You Know” music and imagine I’m Rob Lowe or another actor that was on The West Wing). It doesn’t matter if you recognize anything on Jared’s list.
Shock and awesome Jared!
Feeling not-so-awesome that I don’t know what half of your list is referring to… Somewhat redeemed by my 20 month-old who, with her 20 word vocabulary, loudly proclaims everything new as “Awesome!”. Thanks for making me laugh out loud at the end of a long day!
So cute! (And, of course, awesome).
There was no gratuitous sax in 80’s rock — it is fine art.
Did you name Clear Pepsi as the official drink of your Big Dogs Club?
What if you wore your Toaster’s t-shirt to a Goo Goo Dolls concert, where you were granted free admission for presenting 12 aluminum cans at the gate? Quintessential awesomeness?