“Dreams feel real while we’re in them. It’s only when we wake up that we realize something was actually strange.”
-Cobb, from Inception
When I was a boy, my family had a small, white poodle who we called Lamb Chop. I would get up each morning and open the kennel door to have her leap out excitedly for play and breakfast. One day she was hurt by another dog. And the next morning she didn’t leap from the kennel, she didn’t eat, she didn’t play. Instead, stiff and cold, she was gone.
I no longer remember my response to this first encounter with death. Perhaps I was perplexed or frightened or just lonely. I may have cried. However, if a boy becomes a man and can still feel the tug of an emotion from across 40 years, one may guess that the experience was profound – and so it was.
But there’s more to it than a distant memory and a sting in the eyes. For many years after that tragic day, my dog came to me in dreams; recurring dreams of identical set and theme, but slight variation in play. Always my family preparing for sleep and a hallway between our bedrooms with a window in the ceiling that opened into a starry night sky through which we’d watch for movement among the stars. And always a star would start to fall, this being our alarm to rush to bed and sleep if we could, before it was too late. We knew what was coming and sometimes one or two of us would linger at the window to see that falling star draw closer and closer … sometimes close enough to see that it had teeth … that this star was in fact a small, white poodle.
We’d rush to bed. One or more of us might not be quick enough and then just curl-up on the floor, eyes closed tight, pretending to sleep and shaking with fear as the dog traveled through the window and walked among us. If we passed the test, even if one’s deception went undiscovered, a stressful but quiet time would pass and finally our visitor would be gone. If we failed, the price was a vengeful bite.
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We humans look for meaning in our dreams, and recurring dreams are particularly compelling. I’ve had much time to consider what this dream might mean and how it may reflect so many anxieties of my youth, including some that seem to have religious provocations. But I’ll not dwell on this here. I simply want to share this dream with you as a work of curious art. Make of it what you will. If it provokes a response in you or if you’ve had your own dreams that you would like to share, please leave a comment.
NOTES:
- The Image – attribution unknown. An approximation of the view through that window in my dream. Oddly, and this is not unusual for dreams, there was no window in the ceiling of the hallway outside my dream.
- DreamLogs at Doves & Serpents – This post is part of an ongoing project to create a rich collection of dreamscapes here at Doves & Serpents. We’d like your help! Leave your dreamlog as a comment, or send it to dreamlog@dovesandserpents.org. Do it anonymously, pseudonymously, or openly … whatever works for you. All dreams that we have permission to share will be tracked by the dreamlog tag. And here the primary purpose is not to analyze and assign specific interpretation to a dream, rather first we just want to put it out there to be experienced, as with any other art. Each person can do what they want with it: connect, appreciate, contemplate, express a response, etc. We’re putting ourselves out there with these and should expect a respectful, profound and fascinating conversation will arise from each. So step back, walk around, look up close and from every angle . . . for dreams are the art we do while sleeping.
- About – Cipher on a Wall is a weekly column and forum here on Doves & Serpents which explores the realm of mind, memories, and dreams. You can find an introductory post for Cipher on a Wall here and a full archive of posts here. My name is Matt, and I’ll be your host for the duration.
I’m a very deep sleeper and struggle to remember my dreams. Those that I remember are so close to the surface of awake and sleep that they are random and strange. I don’t feel I can trust them for insight normally.
Your dream brings back the emotions I had after losing my grandma, and constantly wondering if she was with me. How can I feel her presence so strongly, yet not really believe in an afterlife? She constantly visits me in little ways only I would recognize, yet it still hurts that she’s not flesh and bone that I can hug.
I’m normally a deep sleeper as well. I know I’m still dreaming though because occasionally I’ll wake in the middle of a cycle. And I <3 "random and strange." Looking forward to whatever you find to share.
Laurie, there's no question that your grandma lives on inside of you. Hug you.
This is timely for me Laurie. I have had a few little moments lately that have reminded me of my Gramma that I lost earlier this year. One was that I watched “It’s Complicated” which is one of the only Facebook pages she “liked” on her Facebook page. I still look at her Facebook page sometimes, and I have her phone number in my phone. One day I called it and it was disconnected. I do feel her presence, but I don’t really believe in an afterlife either. It would be nice, but I’m not planning on it.
I still think of when I sat on her grave in the sun a few months ago. It was both strangely comforting and supremely painful to think about her lying in the cold earth beneath that smooth gravestone. I was glad to feel those connections, even if I knew I wouldn’t see her again in the next life. What brought me back was thinking that I could go there and sit on her stone again if I needed to.
kmillecam – I love that your Grandma had a Facebook page! I totally understand that feeling of simultaneous strange comfort and supreme pain.
My grandma lived with us and we were close. She bought me a wool coat for my freshman year at BYU – a long navy peacoat with toggles, and it reminded me of Dead Poet’s Society. She died during my first semester there. I still have it and wear it. A few years ago, my mom gave me her wedding band. It’s thin and bent and needs major work done to it, but I don’t have the heart to get it repaired. I wear it all of the time, with every bend and nick that her hard working hands produced. This Thanksgiving, my son and I made cherry pie, just like she used to. Whenever I hear that voice in side of my head, saying “you can do this! You look so cute in that! Your kids are genius!”… I realize it’s HER. Grandma is my inner-cheerleader. I want everyone to have an inner-cheerleading Grandma!
Matt… great idea – that’s something I can do. I will also start sleeping with a notebook by my bed and see what I can catch.