We’ve had a few discussions here at Doves & Serpents about fear. Mel wrote about the dangers of playing it safe, Matt wrote about the simultaneous worship and fear of self, Laurie talked about places that scare us, Andy wrote about a scary movie (The Exorcist), and Claire talked about the potential dangers of helping homeless people. Apparently, Heidi’s the only one of us who doesn’t want to talk about fear. Sheesh!
So I’m going to confess, right here, right now, that I am scared of being in the car with my children for long periods of time. I’m okay with around-town driving-I do a lot of it. But road trips to me are like nails on the chalkboard for some, or fear of heights or snakes for others. I can stay strong for about 15 miles before I’m ready to poke out my eyes (or theirs!) with red hot pokers. They whine because it’s too hot, because it’s too cold, or because someone is putting his/her feet on their arm rest. They fight over which movie to watch in the DVD player, which radio station to listen to (or whether to listen to one at all), or which restaurant to stop at. And then they eat snacks galore and throw their trash on the floor! I feel like a caged animal. I have threatened to rent my own car or buy a plane ticket rather than be in the car with them.
I have managed to mostly avoid road trips up to this point. About 8 years ago, we drove from Baton Rouge to St. Louis and back. Other than that, our road trips have been limited to the route between Baton Rouge and Huntsville (300 miles) and Nacogdoches and Huntsville (105 miles). Anything further than that and we have flown. But people: the Olson Beal family is about to embark on a road trip from Nacogdoches, Texas to Granby, Colorado (1149.25 or 1064.68 miles, depending on which route we take). We are doing it partly to save money (and yes, we will save money, even though road-tripping is NOT cheap) and partly to save the hassle of driving 2.5 hours to the airport, parking our car, riding the shuttle to the airport, checking baggage, going through security, the plane ride with the kids, picking up baggage, riding another shuttle to the car rental place, renting a car, and driving 2.5 hours to our final destination in a 5 passenger car (cue the whining and fighting) that we are paying out the nose for.
But boy, am I dragging my feet. I really dislike the person I become when I’m crammed into the car with my husband and children. And I dislike the people my children become even more. My husband? I still like him even on road trips (despite his annoying habit of purchasing a lottery ticket every time we go on an extended drive). So I’m turning this into an advice column for the week:
Dear Doves and Serpents Readers,
I hate road trips. Do you have any advice for how to make a road trip with three kids (ages 7, 10, and 13) more pleasant? I’m not above using drugs, bribes, or money, and I have delusional visions of happily listening to books on CD and singing “100 Bottles of Coke on the Wall.”
Nervous in Nacogdoches
My family went on road trips all the time when I was a kid (mostly 10 to 12 hour drives). My parent’s secret to a sane driving experiance was to leave really early in the morning, like 2 or 3 am. That way they could get several hours of driving in before we all woke up to cause problems.
Also, they rarely stopped at restaurants, they packed food the night before in a cooler. They kept us invovled by letting us help make the shopping list (occationally we got to go to the store). This kept the snacks healthier and allowed us to all have a little of what we wanted to snack on (including the adults).
When stops were made (as often has to happen for gas and bathroom breaks) the rule was the parents decide, no quesitons and no arguments. Because this rule was laid down before the trip started there was a minimal amount of whinning. Occationally (to make things fun for us) they would let us trade off on who got to give input on a stop or what was bought 9somtiems this was used as a bribe to get us to be quiet).
Finally my family would decide ahead of time what games would be fun to play and what books on tape, and music we would listen to (DVDs weren’t around then, but can also be a life saver). Everyone in the family got 2 vetos on ideas and that was it. This way everyone knew they had a chance to do, see, or listen to something they liked and we were all a little more willing to be patient and wait our turn. If something was being played, watched, or listend to that someone didn’t like they could quietly do something else, like read a book (if no car sickness), color in their very own coloring book (always a hit to have something all your own that you don’t have to share), or play with an electronic game (once they were invented of course).
I hope this helps, and good luck on your trip :)
I predict that you will be pleasantly surprised at how bad it isn’t.
I like Susan’s suggestions, and I think Karin is right that it won’t be that bad. Leaving early and/or driving late is a big help for us (we make 4 and 5 hour trips several times a year and 12-18 hour trips about once a year). I have the delusions of the audio books and 100 bottles as well, and for awhile when we had two kids it was more like that. Now, with a 5 year old, a 6th grader, and a fully-entrenched in teendom 14 yo, I’ve surrendered to the “eat junk, watch movies, and sleep” paradigm. With the van, they are sufficiently spread out that no one is TOUCHING EACH OTHER, and we have accumulated enough electronic viewing devices (you could beg, steal or borrow) that everyone has one and we switch them around. Having a general sense of how long we are going to drive between stops but also being flexible helps the stress level of adults as well. We often only stop for one meal and otherwise pack a variety of snacks (some healthy, some not) for general munching through out the day. I believe we’ve even resorted to going through multiple drive-throughs at the meal stop to make everyone happy. Some things just aren’t worth fighting over. Good luck, Nervous in Nacadoches!
I think “caged animals” says it all. We’ve been making an 1800 mile round-trip from Seattle to SLC every year since my kinds were toddlers and I’d like to say this has helped them adjust to the cage but it really hasn’t. I think it may be easier for me than for my wife because the driver experiences the open road a bit more … along the same lines that car sickness is rarely a problem for the driver. That said, we have our high and low points every trip but still seem to look forward to it and, though I typically takes me a few days to recover from drivers fatigue, I can still get stoked for this trip about once per year. But no more.
My best suggestion: think of it as a family hug therapy session. :D
Hope all goes (or went) well, Heather. It could be worse. Ever seen the family car ride taken in the films “Dead End” or “Pieces of April?”
@Matt, Brent keeps telling me that we should look at it as family bonding time. I’m thinking of it more as family bondage time.
I’ve not seen those films. Actually, I think I may have seen Pieces of April – was it a Thanksgiving movie? But I don’t remember the car ride.