Dear Bishop ———-,
;
In preparation for my daughter’s upcoming baptism, I was asked to organize and make the necessary assignments regarding who would do what for the program. Among the assignments was that of who would be witnesses to her baptism. I am writing this letter with two questions in mind: First, would it be possible for me to be a witness at my daughter’s baptism? And second, if not, do you know why this assignment is reserved only for priesthood holding men?
;
I want, most sincerely, for you to understand that my intentions in writing this letter are honest and earnest and prayerful. I am stepping outside of my comfort-zone in doing this, but I felt it was important.
;
I struggle to comprehend why the priesthood is required for such a duty, although I’m happy to acknowledge that I simply may not understand the need, in which case, I would love to be educated. I know that witnesses have to ensure that the words are spoken correctly and that the person’s body is completely immersed. I feel like I could effectively perform this duty. I know that generally witnesses are priesthood holders, but I am wondering if this is a doctrinal requirement or a long held tradition.
;
If it is based on tradition, then there seems to be precedent for changes within our church. For example, women are now allowed to pray in sacrament meeting and general conference. I believe that prayerful consideration for this change would be helpful for me and others. I know that as a bishop, such a change might not be within the reaches of your calling. If you feel so prompted, please consider inquiring about this matter with President ————–, and so on. It would mean a great deal to me and to so many other women in the church.
;
I humbly and sincerely ask for this question to be considered. I know that these things take time. For my first daughter’s baptism next week, I expect that two worthy, loving, priesthood-holding family members will stand as official witnesses. I am grateful to them for their service. For my younger daughters, I would love to be able to participate in a more meaningful way by serving as a witness to their baptisms.
;
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. Thank you for all of the work and service that you give to our ward. Thank you for your patience and kindness.
;
Sincerely,
Holly Olsen and Adam Smith
Love it!!!
Keep us posted on how it goes, and good luck!
You have a very lucky daughter!
Nicely done. I like the way you linked it to women praying in Sacrament Mtg and G.C. There are too many things, in my opinion, that get done because “that’s the way we’ve always done it” and they don’t need to be done that way.
I would love to hear the response.
This is a beautiful letter. So heartfelt and sincere.
And such a genuine, reasonable request.
It pains me to read it. Truly. It’s hard for me, as a mother, to be put in such a helpless position with regard to the important markers/milestones in my children’s lives. And for them to see me as totally non-participatory in all those events.
I had a situation with my youngest child. I’m a divorced mother. I asked my 16 year old son to baptize his sister. He was honored but nervous. My daughter was all ready when we discovered that the door to the bapistry was locked. I went to get someone to unlock it. He went through the other side to do so, and then by the time I got back to my place (I wasn’t dawdling), I discovered that my daughter had already been baptized. I had no idea it could happen so fast!
If I had been a witness, I would have been considered important enough to wait for. But I wasn’t important. I was just the mom. Forgotten. I wasn’t needed.
Anna, this is just so bad. I am so very sorry to read about your experience. It was bad enough for me that I was separated by my son by Plexiglass (I wrote about it here: https://dovesandserpents.org/2011/03/my-own-not-so-little-anymore-dancing-boy/), but to not get to see it at all? :(
Terrible.
Thanks, all, for the kind words and support. I’ll be meeting with my bishop about this letter this week. I feel peaceful about all of this. It feels like the right thing to do, even if nothing comes of it right now.
Anna, I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. Heartbreaking.
Holly, I hope you come to understand how important is the unwritten order of things. It may be unwritten that only priesthood bearers can be witnesses, but remember that God only reveals things in an orderly fashion to old men and often they forget to write it down, hence Elder Packer’s unwritten order of things, which are more important than written things because that way Elder Packer can more easily command the Saints to do what he says and still have plausible deniability when his homophobic words have to be rewritten from the ones he breathed like fire at general conference. Why must you always rock the boat, Holly?
Just a quick clarification… Women have been praying in Sacrament mtg as long as I’ve been alive (39 years), and Sister Jean Stevens prayed in General Conference last April.
Scott, I beg to differ. Women were not allowed to pray in sacrament meeting until an official statement was made in 1978. See here:
http://blogs.standard.net/the-political-surf/2013/02/25/temporary-mistaken-ban/
I had the opportunity to speak with my bishop last night. I went to the meeting prayerfully, wanting to be open and honest and humble and articulate, etc. I’m still relatively new in my ward, and I didn’t know how my bishop would respond. Happily, my bishop is a very good man. His response was what it should have been, I think, under the current circumstances. I wasn’t expecting miracles.
He began by expressing gratitude for the letter, the questions, and acknowledged how difficult it must have been to write. He didn’t beat around the bush about giving me a straight forward answer. He had researched the matter, and politely and loving said that no, I could not be a witness at my daughter’s baptism. It is in the handbook. Witnessing is considered part of the ordinance, and is therefore a role for the priesthood.
We spoke for a long time after that as he inquired about the underlying issues that I have. I told him plainly about the pains I feel within Mormonism, that I am still trying my best, and that being Mormon is likely my cross to bear in this life. I told him that it was hard for me to bring up daughters in the Mormon faith because of the pain I have felt being a woman in this church. I mentioned that we have taught our daughters that girls can do anything that boys can do. They can be firefighters, presidents, etc. They have been raised to notice gender inequalities. Most of the time I’m proud of them when they point them out on their own, but when my oldest whispered to me during the sacrament last Sunday that she hoped that one day women would be able to bless and pass the sacrament, too – I felt pain for her. I’m teaching my girls that they can be equal to men in this world, and then I’m raising them in a church that contradicts that way of thinking. I know that some would argue that it is only my perspective – my worldly view – that makes me feel gender inequalities within the church, but I disagree. It is my soul, my very core, my spirit that longs for equality, and it is my spirit that believes God means it to be that way – someday.
My bishop was anxious to help if he could, willing to talk as often as needed to hash things out. He acknowledged that my issues are largely ones that needed to be taken on faith, ones that would never have answers in this life. He referred me to an article by M. Russell Ballard “Let Us Think Straight” (still reading it). He encouraged me to go to the temple to see the new video. He encouraged me to seek a priesthood blessing (ironic?). He testified about his own belief in the gospel. And then it was over. Nothing resolved, really, but I’m still glad that I made an effort. I’ll do it again and again in other ways, for myself, and for my daughters.
Holly,
I thank you for sharing your letter and wish you the best. Hopefully, the following historical incident will help your case.
My mother was the witness for my brother’s baptism in 1973. We were living in Lagos, Nigeria at the time. My father was the only priesthood holder in Nigeria at the time. He got First Presidency approval to let my mother be the witness.
What this tells me is that being a witness is a policy and a tradition and has nothing to do with the priesthood. It is something that the “great big elders” worry about. I expect it will be difficult for you to put “new wine into old bottles.”
Best wishes,
Tom
That Ballard talk is awful Holly. Really awful. Don’t look there for answers. It is an great representation of the problem not the solution. At least your bishop was nice. I find it so sad though when the attitude that “we won’t know in this life” predominates. What is God supposed to think of that? Its like we have just written off modern-day revelation as a possibility, made it an afterthought. Heaven forbid that revelation might shake up the status quo. Sigh…
Rah, don’t tell people where to look for answers and where not to look. That smacks of the very thing church leaders get accused of. I am so tired of people being polarized by people with an agenda or a bone to pick on any side of the issue. While you may not like the talk, at least allow this dear sister the chance to make up her own mind, and allow the Spirit to do the teaching. Dear heavens now we have people telling folks not to listen to their bishops and not to read a talk given by an apostle. I’m not saying to obey blindly, but at least give them a freakin chance, they are the Lords servants after all, albeit flawed, fallen and human.
Wow, Tom, thank you for sharing that information. That is fascinating! I’m grateful to know about it.
Tom,
Would you consider sharing more information about your mother serving as a witness at the baptism? It would be helpful to know her name, but I understand if you want to keep that private.
Thank you, again, for sharing.
Holly
Holly,
I would be more than happy to share that information to you. Send me an email and I’ll collect what documentation I can. My brother is looking for a copy of his baptismal certificate and will send it to me. I’ll talk to my mother and see how much involvement she is comfortable with.
Tom
Tom, that IS fascinating. Thanks for sharing. It’s incidents like that that make me believe change is possible.