Last week our little town had a kerfuffle (although some would say it was much more than a kerfuffle). Here’s what I’ve been able to piece together. (Please recall that I’m not an investigative journalist.)
Thursday night, Kennedy (our oldest, who is 15) asked whether she had to go to school the next day. I laughed and said, “Of course. Why do you ask?” She explained that there was going to be a gang shooting at school on Friday and that “all” of her friends were staying home. I laughed out loud (’cause I’m an awesome mom like that) and then told her that was ridiculous and went about my merry way. (She was not amused.)
I didn’t give it another thought until Friday morning when she asked again (she’s always been a persistent little thing). I laughed again and told her to get her shoes on and head out. We live across the street from the high school, so she walks to school. She began to protest, saying that 33 of her friends were being allowed to stay home. Then she upped the ante by naming a few specific friends whose parents I am friendly with, to bolster her claim, I suppose. I still told her “no.” So off she went to school and I went out for a run.
She survived the school day with only a mild dose of trauma. By the end of the day, I had learned a bit more about the whole hullabaloo:
- In all, 544 of her classmates (approx. 1/3) had stayed home from school.
- Some students were sent home for wearing “gang colors”: red and blue (Hello, Confirmation Bias. Where have you been lurking?).
- There were only 11 people in one of her classes.
But judging from comments on Facebook, on the newspaper’s web page, and around and about town, our little town of 30,000 was embroiled in all-out gang warfare. All the “good parents” kept their children home to keep them “safe.” Some people decried that this gang violence was a direct result of having taken prayer out of schools (WordPress needs an eyeroll emoticon). Others said that we should take our kids out of the high school and send them to outlying county schools that were “safer.” I heard “better safe than sorry” a lot by way of explanation. One person even asked me, “But what if there had been a shooting and your daughter had been killed?? How would you have felt then??”
Umm, I would’ve felt terrible . . ., but thanks for asking.
What if I let her get her driver’s license and she dies in a car wreck?
What if I let her boyfriend take her out on a date and they get hit by a drunk driver?
What if I let her swim in a pool and she hits her head and drowns?
What if I let her play a contact sport and she takes a fatal elbow to the head?
What if I let her ride on a four-wheeler and it tips over?
It’s significantly more likely that she would be injured or, God forbid, meet an untimely death engaging in one of those activities than that she would be injured in a gang shooting at our small town school.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole idea of being “better safe than sorry” in terms of our teenagers. Of course I want my children to be safe. That goes without saying. But when does safety collide with paranoia? What about fear mongering? What do we do, as parents, when our concern for safety butts right up against rumors and racial profiling and stereotyping? What if the people we’re keeping our kids safe from are people who just so happen to be of a different race, religion, or socioeconomic status than us?
What then? Do we tell our kids their school isn’t safe if we mean something else entirely? What messages are we sending them about their classmates?
So I’ll keep sending my kids to our community’s public schools. And I’ll keep being grateful to our local law enforcement officers (who do a great job) and the school administrators and teachers (who also do a great job). Thanks to them, I happily send my children, every day, to our local public schools. I never fear for their safety or well being while they’re there, and that’s no small thing.
And I’ll keep telling my kids to look for the good in everyone they encounter. Sure, sometimes I might raise an eyebrow or laugh or even gasp at a story they come home with, but shoot-I wonder what stories kids are telling their parents about my kids?
Seriously?! Your town is unsafe? Not mocking, but I think you have about four red lights? I’m not insensitive to school shootings or gang violence and I think that school safety is a legitimate concern. But really at NH? After the home invasion near South Blvd, Bailey was terrified to attend school but she went. We cannot live fearful. But then again, my kids rarely miss because that’s how we roll. Lol
Oh, I was mocking plenty. ;) We do have a lot more than 4 red lights (pop. 30,000), but your point is valid, of course.
I think school safety is important as well, and I trusted that the police officers and school administrators were doing their jobs. They took the rumors, investigated them, upped the security at the school, and took all the necessary precautions. As they should have done. And then I sent my kid to school, as I should have done.
People were saying, “There were two fights at the school!” . . . but there could have been two fights at the school on ANY GIVEN DAY. Fights break out in high schools. They just do. That doesn’t make them unsafe places to send your kids.
Gah!
I didn’t hear anything about the home invasion at South Blvd.
Someone was shot within a mile of Belfair when Stuart was going there. And he kept going there, dangit.
Are you familiar with a free range parenting movement? This fits right in. As parents, pretty much every choice we make has some risk. Our job isn’t to remove all risks from our children but to teach them how to navigate this world and get a good sense of what threats are reasonable.
I understand the better safe than sorry argument but it seems that they are actually doing it wrong. I expect my children to learn life lessons throughout life rather than have them reach adulthood with no understanding of how to handle themselves in stressful situations.
I’m for balance and risk management. Gathering facts before making decisions. That’s why my kids are pushed out the door at sixteen to take that driver’s test, but there will be NO MOTORCYCLES! (With the traffic around here? Seen the stats on surviving a motorcycle accident vs a car accident and how often teens crash?) Why they walk home from school, but in a group. Why my kids don’t play at homes where I don’t know the parents – and why I never take for granted that good people don’t do bad things. Why I call to make sure parents are actually home before sending my kids to their houses. Educated decisions. I don’t’ go around worrying though. Just getting information and making the best decisions I can.
I don’t necessarily trust law enforcement or school administrators I don’t know. I would have called the school to ask their perspective of the situation and make sure that there would be a police presence there.
That said, I think it’s a great message to your daughter to go brave the wild world out there, and to show up for important things like school. I can imagine that I would have done the same thing.
Overprotective parenting is starting to get way out of hand. Here’s a really interesting paper about it. (It’s very thick and dense, but also fascinating.) http://works.bepress.com/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1010&context=david_pimentel
Heather-
It was in 2010, a mother was killed and her 9 year old (daughter, I think) was injured. We dedicated the new playground to them. The home is located on Beauregard Street. The school was on lock-down. Surprised you never knew.