I never had much angst about the whole Santa thing. We did Santa when I was a kid, but not too extravagantly-no cookies by the fireplace or manufactured footprints outside. But there were always a few gifts (usually the exciting one!) from Santa. I think I was 6 or 7 when I figured out Santa wasn’t real. I tiptoed downstairs after I was supposed to be sleeping and saw my parents wrapping something big for my brother in a big black plastic trash bag (we were never into cool gift wrapping, either!). The next morning, when I saw the “To: Brad, From: Santa” label on the bag, I figured it out. I wasn’t upset about it at all-at least I don’t remember being upset.
I remember thinking it was dumb when I’d hear people at church say their family didn’t do Santa-because one day the kids would realize that Santa wasn’t real and then they’d be confused about Jesus (whah?). That concern always struck me as odd. I always figured that if my kids didn’t know the difference between Santa and Jesus, we were doing a few things wrong as parents.
Before we had kids, Brent and I never talked much about whether we would do the whole Santa thing. But it’s a good thing that neither of us was too committed to the tradition because our oldest daughter was a born skeptic. That girl could sniff out BS from a mile away-even as a toddler!
Right before her third birthday (in January), we took her to the mall for a Santa picture. She seemed okay with the idea. We paid our $8.99 for a 5 X 7 and waited in a long line (I confess that I don’t remember how long it was, but it seemed really long with an almost 3 year old). When there were only maybe 2-3 people in front of us, Kennedy turned around and announced emphatically: “I’m not doin’ this.” We were shocked-after all that money and time!-and asked her why on earth not. It was Santa, after all. She looked at us, stone faced, and said, “I am not gonna go sit on the lap of a big fat stranger.”
We were speechless. Of course she shouldn’t go sit on the lap of a big fat stranger-especially not one who would give her candy after the lap sit. We left without the photo. She was not at all disappointed.
She did the same thing with the Easter bunny at 3 ½. We hid all sorts of eggs in the backyard and then ushered her out and acted all surprised and shocked: “Oh my goodness! What on earth happened out here? Look at all those eggs!” She stood in the doorway for a minute and then looked at us, stone faced, and said, “Y’all did this.” We protested (although not very enthusiastically), but she insisted. So we gave up and told her to stop worrying about who did it and to get out there and find the eggs.
So that was pretty much it for fun imaginary friends for our kids. We never pushed it after that. It seemed absurd to try to force her to believe in something that was so obviously false to her. One or another of the kids has since asked whether Santa is real. I’ve always just smiled and said, “Well what do you think?” They all pretty much thought it was bogus (flying deer, a fat guy in a red suit, elves making toys, jumping down the chimney, delivering gifts to every house, etc.) and we didn’t try to convince them otherwise.
We also never got into the whole “Santa’s watching you” bit. I cringe every time I’m out and about in November and December and I hear a parent threatening his/her kids that they won’t get any presents unless they stop or start doing XYZ. I mean, no one is serious with this threat (are they?). I actually tried this line once on Stuart and he raised one eyebrow and said, “Umm, cree-py, Mom . . .” And really, it is pretty creepy to tell your kids that a stranger is watching them and waiting to either withhold or bestow gifts . . . isn’t it?
So what about you? Were (are) you a believer? How have you handled the Santa issue with your kids? Are there any other semi-believers out there who have little skeptics as children? Did you feel like you were missing out on some parental-fun?
Hey. We do Santa and a funny thing happened the other day. Bai said “mom, all you really ever give us are pajamas and an ornament.” I was quite taken back at first though I just smiled and said, “and it is nice isn’t it.” She laughed and joked with me saying at least she always gets pajamas. I love that she believes. We do not do Elf on a Shelf. I think it is creepy and I think the doll looks creepy too and maybe I am too lazy to do all those crazy setups each night. I don’t know. I just know it isn’t for me. Sebastian stopped believing long ago but he told me he would not tell Bai because it is important to her. I think that’s the part that counts. We are not religious. We just attended a Christmas event and the craft was a manger scene and Bai told the person providing the craft she didn’t need the Jesus for hers. The lady was shocked and looked directly at me. I felt like I was being sent to hell with a look. I told Bai to take it and just make it the way she described. We have tons of Christmas stuff from the years but it isn’t about the Jesus story for us, it is family tradition. I am not sure how the Santa/Jesus connection ever came to be but I know families who don’t do Santa because of it and it confuses the heck out of me. Opt out because the origin is pagan, not because you think your children will be confused of Santa. Opt out of Christmas because it is a market holiday. For now, we have Christmas and Santa comes on the 24th and wraps most of his gifts and fills stockings with fruit, gift cards and cute items.
I was at a church preschool this afternoon and in one class each child had done a little collage manger scene for art. There was real straw in a Popsicle stick manger…. and wrapped up in the manger was a little baby Jesus in the form of a peanut. In the shell. I laughed and laughed. Not very reverent, really now.
Love the peanut shell Jesus idea, Claire! A kid came up with that?
not at all…. it was one of those deals where everyone’s picture looks pretty much the same.
We do Santa, but I want to be honest…I am ready for that to be over. It’s tiring to try and figure out which one gift you buy should be “Santa’s” gift. We’ve had a good 8 years, but I’m over it.
That being said, there is a 3 yr old and 5 yr old in our house…I see Santa being around for at least another year or two. But, a girl who likes to get credit for the good gifts can dream. :)
Yeah! Santa brings stocking gifts in our family, not the big stuff. I want the credit! Actually, once he left bikes on the front porch….
Just last night, a friend of mine asked if I would be taking the kids to see Santa. I was momentarily flummoxed because I didn’t know what she was talking about and then I realized that she meant seeing Santa at the mall for pictures. I kinda laughed and said that we just don’t do that– I think we tried to sit Peyton on Santa’s lap at a ward Christmas party his first six months of life, but it didn’t go over well and I wasn’t going to fight him on it…because Kennedy is right– it really IS a stranger in a suit! Ditto that on sitting on the Easter bunny as well. We do do Santa at our house– we hang stockings. We set out milk and cookies (or some other treat). “Santa” usually only does the stockings at our house and doesn’t really bring gifts but this is the first year that “he” actually got the kids one gift to share– probably because Peyton is more aware of what’s going on and seems to want to believe. Actually, Troy and I only got the kids one gift each (besides the Santa gift) because I know the grandparents usually get carried away and I just can’t stand a cluttered play room. I’m such a grinch, huh? ;) But, if Peyton were to ask me if it were all real or not, I’d probably play it along the same lines you did– and ask what he thinks. Even after I found out that Santa wasn’t real, we still did stockings at my house as a kid. My parents did stop doing Easter baskets and I was pretty bummed about that– because even teenagers like candy! :) So, even when the magic dies, I think you can still have a fun tradition that you all can enjoy– if that’s what you want to do!
On things like this, I try to say, “I don’t believe in Santa, but some people do.” And maybe a “what do you believe?”
I think it’s arrogant to assume that what I do or don’t believe is definitely the correct way for my children to believe.)
I might tell stories about WHY I don’t believe in Santa, if asked. Like, I could say that all the presents under the tree are actually ones that Daddy & I wrapped up. And that when I was a kid, I would get presents that said they were from “Santa” but that my mom & dad actually had bought them. So I provide them with the evidence that leads to my personal beliefs but allow them the freedom to believe as they choose.
I find this method works well in many avenues of life.
I actually tried this line once on Stuart and he raised one eyebrow and said, “Umm, cree-py, Mom . . .”
Heather, this is evidence #12,440 that your kids are both brilliant and hilarious!
My son (4) is pretty darn skeptical about Santa, and I’m OK with that. I have only made half-hearted attempts to promote Santa to him. Now, an ‘Elf on a Shelf’ just arrived in the mail (not totally sure which relative sent it???). I am trying really hard to think that it’s cute, but darn it, the whole thing seems really creepy! Maybe one of my dogs will eat it. I think if my son gives up on Santa, it will be all over for my toddler girl before it even starts.
There should be a rule that no one who is not there to actually create the elf mischief is allowed to send an elf to your house. I am a curmudgeon…. I’ve been glad for years that my older kids didn’t know about the Elf because he seemed to only live in the suburbs. Now he is invading my in-town neighborhood just in time for me to be afraid my 6 year old will start asking questions. Maybe I can make the older girls be in charge of him/her.
I actually don’t know what the Elf is/does. I’ve only seen it in bookstores and never investigated because I wasn’t interested.
Heather, I think that the elf goes back to Santa and reports in the evening about how the kid has been behaving. My physical therapist was just telling me about it. He thinks it’s pretty fun, and really gets into finding ways to make the elf look subtly different each morning so she’ll be able to tell it’s moved. He’s also told me about his tiki nativity scene that he’s working on building, and his father was a magician. So, eccentric and creative in a very fun way. I’m pretty sure he’s not emphasizing the spy aspects of the elf. :)
My oldest has been a died in the wool believer, but we broke the news to him this year. He seemed a little sad, but also relieved because there were too many signs that it wasn’t true. I suspect my daughter doesn’t believe, but is going along for the ride and our youngest is so fanciful that she’s having a lot of fun with it.
Christmas Eve in my family meant going out for pizza, then across town to spend a boisterous evening with aunts, uncles and cousins. On the way home late that night, sometime between car and house, we’d stop and look up at the sky and Mom (or Dad) would point.
“There! Do you see it? I think that’s Rudolph’s nose!”
This went on for years after we kids had wised up to the Santa myth, I think because we intuited that for Mom and Dad it was a sort of nostalgia, a last-ditch bulwark against the inevitable growth of children to adulthood; and so we played along, happy to indulge them (for that moment, anyway) in their irrational grown-up fantasy.
This is great, SLK. Love it. Thanks for sharing.
I would like to confess that I am one of those. The elf just joined our family this year. And my kids? 7, 5, 3, & 1– they are all believers. Just like capitalism loves Christmas. I love Santa and this new elf. Finding the elf each morning rouses my kids from their beds better than I can. He gives my kids a new reason to obey and behave. I need new motivations to get stuff done, so it stands to reason it would help my kids, too. Yes, I am one of those who reminds my kids that Ivan, our elf, is watching. I don’t believe any child can be bad enough to get coal. But, the threat of it is real. It seems like this plan of Santa is a sort of shadow of another faith paradigm. Being good in order to earn gifts from Santa lasts only one month. While believing in God? That is a lifetime of trying to be good to hopefully get a big reward. My kids will have plenty of time to wonder about that big plan. But, luckily for me they want to believe and I will facilitate this magical Santa plan as long as their faith will last.
Oh, and while we cover the Jesus story and the Santa plan, our tree is decorated with ski passes and Buddhist prayer flags and Chanukah is on the 20th this year so I am planning our big oily dinner and candle lighting ceremony.
Though I rarely comment, I am a voracious reader of Doves and Serpents. Thank you for your stories and opinions. You all have given me a large measure of sanity this year. Happy Holidays!
Wow, Hinged. Wow, wow, wow. Very interesting parallel you drew between the Elf on the Shelf and getting presents and spending life waiting and hoping to get eternal/celestial rewards.
Although I’ve never done any Santa/elf stuff, I totally WOULD have if my kids had gotten into it. I didn’t mean to be judgmental about people who do it (although I see how that might have been implied from my post). I love all sorts of fun things that we do for Christmas–it’s such a fun, magical season. And seriously–ANYthing that helps get kids out of bed and moving and checking things off their lists, I’m all about that. ;)
I think we need to see a picture of your Christmas tree!
Thank you for reading! We love messages like these that tell us that we’re not *only* doing this for ourselves. ;)