I Wear Pants to Church
“[L]et me see thee in thy woman’s weeds.”
-Duke Orsino, Twelfth Night
;
For women,
this isn’t allowed.
If I were my brother,
no one would notice.
I’m breaking the rules,
the rules that say
God only wants worship
from women in skirts.
6 days a week
no one cares what I wear,
but at church in the chapel,
I’m a crossdresser.
I wish an authority,
one of the elders,
would speak up and say,
Wear what you will!
It must be that God
gets confused and can’t tell if this
congregant is a man or a woman
because of the pants.
It’s probably been a millennia
since his last eye check.
No doubt he’s grown
near-sighted.
God doesn’t know
whether to give bigger boobs,
or the winning goal
and just enough chip dip.
God is unsure. Bless
the unfruitful womb? Cure
testicular cancer?
It’s those damn pants!
I don’t sport blue jeans
or khakis with holes.
On the Sabbath,
it’s sleek black slacks.
They’re perfect to kneel
and scoop up a child
whose snotty nose
needs tissue.
They don’t trip me when I stand
after gathering train tracks
scattered
on the nursery floor.
Yet the eyes of church-goers
scan my attire. They mouth
violation. I know God
squints down on us all.
;
;
Dayna Patterson is a part-time snarky feminist, a lover of Shakespeare, and a Diet Coke addict. She is also Poetry Editor for Psaltery & Lyre. For submission guidelines, see the P&L Submissions Page.
LOVE.
Question: do you feel like this is an initial reaction that eventually wears off? I don’t get this anymore, so people either aren’t judging me or I don’t notice. Or I don’t care.
Maybe the last one. ;)
I think often about the metaphor of foot-binding when I think about the LDS culture and dresses at church. I think the skirts/dresses only and always approach for church is one example of how women bind our own feet. The more you wear them, the less people notice. If everyone just wore dress pants when they wanted, it would be the norm. I don’t think any leadership would actually do anything to stop it.
I love this.
The stares, the double-takes, the slack-jaw-look, I’ve had all of that when I wear my slacks to church. But Heather, my experience has been that after a month or two most people don’t notice any more. And I’ve never been told flat-out that I wasn’t wearing something appropriate – just been stared at a lot. :)
My husband, bless him, is perfectly fine with me wearing whatever I want. My bishop has met with me while I was wearing pants at church on a Sunday and didn’t bat an eye. And really, I’m so much more comfortable. And explaining to my children why I wear pants and which of their pants would be acceptable church attire has been wonderfully liberating for me. Honestly, I’d probably still wear pants even if my husband (and certainly my bishop) expressed an issue with it. But I’d be spending quite a bit more of my capital in that case. For now, this is my way of standing up for myself and women/girls in the church. And though it is small, it feels significant and meaningful to me.
I joined the church at age 19 in a Singles Ward. A few weeks after my baptism, I gave my first talk (on faith). I wore my favorite outfit (but I’m no fashionista so I’m not sure I can explain it very well): white flowy pants, a white broad-shouldered tanktop, and a white lace long-sleeved cardigan. It was the same outfit I wore at my baptismal ceremony, and I thought it conveyed innocence and purity.
The bishop called me in to his office after church and told me gently that women are expected to wear skirts/dresses. I don’t think I ever wore pants to church again.
In my first area on my mission, the ward kept pleading with us to speak with a recent convert about not wearing pants to church. The male leadership was bothered by it, but didn’t think it was their place to tell her. In PEC, I told them that they were right, it wasn’t their place to tell her what to wear and that it wasn’t ours either. I was more important that she feel welcome in the ward than embarrassed or shamed into conforming.
Heather, this was definitely my initial reaction. I remember when you posted something on Facebook about wearing pants to church, and I thought, Hey, I’m going to try that. It was harder than I thought. And I DID get talked to by the bishop, but then I met with him later and told him I wasn’t comfortable with him telling me what to wear. I still feel a little self-conscious about my pants-wearing at church (and I’m not in nursery anymore), but like you, Blossom, I feel like I’m standing up for myself and my daughters, and women in general, with this small act.
I just started going to a new ward this past Sunday, and I thought I’d better start things out right by wearing some nice slacks. I was nervous about it, but once I got to church, I was so glad.
THIS ROCKS MY FACE OFF.
Or, perhaps, my SKIRT off.
I swear I’mma get the guts to wear pants one of these days.
I believe the church did officially say something about “pant suits” being allowed for women back in 1971. Thank you to Brent from D&S that educated me on that one. (link: https://dovesandserpents.org/2011/01/why-all-mormon-women-should-wear-pants-to-church/) But really, when was the last time in 40 years has it been said? There was an article in 1974 from the Ensign that quoted it: (http://www.lds.org/new-era/1974/12/qa-questions-and-answers) and its immediately undermined by the next paragraph which says that pants are discouraged from being worn to the temple. However, a temple worker recently told me that no temple patron should be turned away on account of their attire. I haven’t yet tested that theory and it will be awhile as I no longer fit into any of my dress pants since the new baby was born. Give it a few months and I’ll report back.
I wore pants to the temple sometimes. I was working in DC and would sometimes go there straight after work. I was never turned away, or given strange looks. It may have been the area, or I lucked out and the people at the front desk were nice.
I have only worn pants to church when I traveled and didn’t have a skirt. I have never had a need to wear pants to meetings at home though. But I think if I had ever worked in nursery or had children, then I would see the advantage of it.
I caused a scandal by teaching seminary in my pant suits. The CES guy was very unhappy about it. He suggested I keep a denim skirt in the trunk of my car and change for seminary because that would be more appropriate than the pantsuits I wore to work. I just brushed it off as ridiculous, but got talked to by a bunch of people. Luckily my bishop thought it was ridiculous too.
I wear pants when I feel like it. Which is pretty often. I have lots of dress pants, I used to work in an office where it was either dress pants or a skirt.
I think I only have two skirts, and they don’t fit that well.
No one has said anything to me except for a little old lady who said “I love what you are wearing.”
I have been a pants-wearer for six years now. In my last ward it was a problem. In my current ward where we’ve been for 4 years, nobody has said a peep or looked twice. …Uncomfortable! is a post I wrote about it at the time. Pants Power!!!
As a transsexual man who has not begun hormone therapy or surgery, I have experienced this shaming regarding my family’s events at their wards. When my favorite cousin was leaving on a mission, my parents told me I could not go unless I wore a skirt.
So I tried wearing one. I got it on, feeling really weirded out. When I looked in the mirror, the dressing room closed in on me and I had a panic attack. I fell against the wall and had to pull myself up to get the skirt off. I missed my cousin’s farewell.
I long resented being made to choose between my family and my integrity. It’s not so bad anymore but I don’t really talk to my parents. I don’t really trust the institution of the LDS Church anymore, either. I moved on in my faith journey to other places and found a church family that doesn’t require me to conform in order to be accepted.
Excellent work, pants-wearing sisters! In the rural area of Brasil where I served my mission, evangelical churches were numerous and strong–and forbade their female adherents from wearing pants, ever. All skirts, all the time. (Also, no jewelry, no makeup, and no haircuts.) It used to really bother me that people would see my companion and I wearing only skirts, and assume this was something that was somehow required by our church. When they asked, I used to just joke with people about how it was too hot to wear pants (although, honestly, it was much too cold to wear skirts in the winter, a problem I solved by wearing pants under my skirts–a bit of a fashion disaster). When visitors or new members expressed reluctance to enter the church in pants, I took great pains to reassure them that God did not care what they wore, and neither did we (within limits of modesty, of course–bikini tops were a common look around town, but not the best for Sunday worship, or any important meeting, really).
There were a couple of women in my stake in Los Angeles who wore slacks or pantsuits to church, and I quite admired them! Me–I hate dress slacks. I can’t explain why–I just don’t find them comfortable for my particular body shape. I should wear them to work, probably, instead of my trouser-cut jeans or my khakis, but I don’t. I actually find skirts/dresses more comfortable than slacks, and most of the business suits I own for the must-dress-up meetings at my office (i.e., presenting for the Board of Directors) are suits with skirts. So, Sunday finds me in a skirt, until I can retreat home to my jeans or, better yet, yoga pants.
Laura, I love yoga pants! My mom just gave me a bunch of them. It feels almost like walking around naked! I highly recommend them to anyone who is thinking of buying a pair.
Isaac, that sounds like a very traumatic experience. I have a dear friend that stopped going to church because she just felt so awkward in a skirt. It wasn’t HER. She is gay and feels like she was born into the wrong body, and a skirt just felt wrong.
Dayna: it *looks* like walking around naked too… it can be hard to concentrate with the number of young ladies wearing yoga pants these days.
Amen to yoga pants. I have some with bells sewn to the bottom of them so I can literally “be there with bells on.” They’re my fancy pants.
Laurie, I think we need a picture of that. Do you have a link?
LOVE. You’re an excellent poet. And I really, really miss the ward where nobody cared if women wore pants to church (or the ones who did shut their mouths since the bishop’s wife wore them and was the GD teacher for a while as well) and furthermore, the temple workers happily let women in if we came directly from work sporting our pantsuits as well. I wonder if that was just some miraculous bubble I’ll never find again. Until then, I feel vaguely lucky nobody around here even wears pantyhose.
Great poem. Truly.
One Sunday, I wore pants to church. It was cold outside, and I hadn’t bothered to shave my legs, and I decided it just wasn’t worth it to try and dig out some old (probably snagged) tights. So instead, it was a pair of grey pinstripe trousers with a cardigan. I was expecting to get some flack in my (quite traditional, Deep South) ward, but no one said anything. At all. And I found myself wondering, “Why the heck didn’t I do this sooner?”
RachelM–I can’t believe the CES guy thought a denim skirt would be more appropriate (and what did he even mean by that? dressier? more feminine?) than a nice business suit. Seriously, a DENIM skirt!? Denim, in any form, just seems so casual. Oh, the irony….
I have taught my children that when we attend church we should dress the best that we can in order to show Heavenly Father that we appreciate that the Sabbath is a special and holy day. Everyone’s “best” attire is different. I remember reading an article in the Ensign about a ward in Africa. The congregation was very poor. The Primary boys arrived in shorts but no shirt. It was unimportant.
I have taught my girls that it’s not a dress that’s important. I have seen girls wear jean skirts, logo t-shirts, and flip flops which I encourage my girls not to wear because it’s not the best they can do. They have nicer outfits. I have taught them that in our American culture, a nice dress/skirt is often considered the most “dressy” for women. I compare it to wearing a white shirt and tie. When the men at my work wear a white shirt and tie, everyone knows they have an important meeting with a respected business or community leader.
I did wear nice dress slacks to church once. It was a cold winter day, and I thought it was ridiculous that I would be freezing at church while my husband and son were prepared for the weather. My mom was the only one who raised an eyebrow. But in the end, I realized that I was wearing pants because I was feeling rebellious that day about church in general. So now I wear what will make me feel peaceful while I’m worshiping my Heavenly Father – which has been dresses. If I feel like wearing pants again, I will.
I personally don’t feel we are as judgemental of a community as we allow ourselves to believe. Oh yes there are always a couple of zingers but overall we really need not assume the worst of others. Wear your pants but don’t judge who’s judging you. I personally live about as conservatively as possible in the gospel but I in no way think that’s what everyone needs to do. It’s what works for me but I would be thrilled to see more women in pants if they felt that was ok.
That’s a good point, Karen. I have received absolutely no flack about it in my new ward. Just a couple of barely-registered double takes. But there have been enough zingers that it’s become almost easy for me to assume that everyone is being judgmental. I’m glad to hear, conservative as you are, that you welcome the pants-wearing women and skirt-wearing women just the same.
As a transsexual woman who has not transitioned or started hormones yet, I can relate to your poem. I liked it. For me it could be simply reversed and opposite. Presenting as male, and wearing pants is totally cross dressing for me. Uncomfortable and absurd for me to wear pants, at Church or anywhere. It’s not a question of male identified people wanting to wear dresses or skirts, although I support them doing so, if they so choose, it is more a question of transsexuals gaining the right to be fully fellowshipped and privileged to present as one identifies. I for one have recieved personal revelation, in the Celestial Room, that my spirit body is female, and that my mind, heart, spirit and soul are female. My salvation is in jeopardy unless I shed all my guile and be my best true self. It would be nice if my lifelong Church afforded me the chance to be my best true self as we are commanded to do, and not be forced to be a fake human being. This Pants in Church is far more than making a statement. P.I.C. transcends equal rights and feminism completely, and includes them as well, but additionally, for me, this is about identity. My identity is between me and my Heavenly Father, and no one, and no entity has any right, or any ability to discern my identity more or better than than I can.
Wow, Leonorah-Loreli. I love that you have embraced your transsexual identity. I totally agree that you are the only one who has “the ability to discern your identity.” I wish you the absolute BEST on your journey, and pray you will be surrounded by people who love and support you!