11 Psaltery & Lyre: Heather Olson Beal, “Quiver Full”

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Quiver Full

Six years into our mostly happy marriage,
we started attending a marriage class
at the Institute building.

Two weeks into their happy marriages,
our classmates held hands
and basked in post-honeymoon bliss.

Twenty plus years into their mostly happy marriage,
our teachers asked good questions
and listened to our responses.

Fertility problems led them to counsel us not
to put off having children.
Not for money.
Not for a college education.
Not for a new house in the suburbs.
And certainly not for
sweaters, music lessons,
trips, or fun.

I sat innocently in my seat,
our then two-year-old daughter
was playing in the nursery, after all.
We had two degrees between us
with two more underway
and a recently purchased fixer-upper.

But then the wife’s voice cracked:
“My only wish is that I could’ve given him
a quiver-full of children.”

I shifted in my seat.
What’s this, you say:
A quiver-full of children?

I don’t want a quiver-full of children
any more than I want
an army of ants
a flange of baboons
a murder of crows
a convocation of eagles
a charm of hummingbirds
a clan of hyenas
a smack of jellyfish
a mob of kangaroos
a mischief of mice
a parliament of owls
a rookery of penguins
a crash of seals
an ambush of tigers.

I shift again.
What’s this, you say:
What of giving your children to your husband?

“For children are an heritage of the Lord
And the fruit of the womb is his reward.”
And yet my womb is not his reward.
“As arrows are in the hand of the mighty man,
so are children of the youth.
Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them.”

What of measuring a man’s
worth by counting the number
of children in his quiver?
And what of measuring my
worth by counting the number
of children I have given to a man?

I shift again and mumble   “No, thank you”
to this accounting method,
this system of weights and balances
and arrows.

I may have children
but not a quiver-full,
and I will not give them to my husband.

And I will buy them new sweaters
and music lessons
and take them on trips.

For fun.

I will create my own
accounting method
that values me.

I don’t need a parliament
or a murder
or a quiver.

And if I had one,
I wouldn’t need it
to be full.

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Heather Olson Beal is a regular blogger at D&S. See her complete bio on the “About Us” page.