06 A Mormon in the Cheap Seats: The Real Story

We Mormons are good at explaining  our way  out of tight spots.   When it comes to the obvious connections between Freemasonry and our temple ceremony, for example, it may look like we’ve been painted into a corner, but that’s when we’re the most creative.   In the case of Freemasonry, we’re capable of turning the argument completely around and asserting that Freemasonry is actually derived from Mormonism.   I’m not kidding.   We’re really that good.

Problems with the translation of the Book of Abraham? Problems with the historical authenticity of The Book of Mormon? The Kinderhook plates? Fannie Alger?*   All child’s play, even for  amateur Mormon apologists  .  We’re serious about defending the internal consistency of our theology. Sure,  at times it  may appear to be the equivalent of two geeks at a Star Trek convention  debating the physics behind the hyperdrive continuity patterns in Episode 6 of Season 4, but it’s something we grow up knowing how to do.   We learn the mental gymnastics of religious apologetics like Hispanics learn soccer.

So when it comes to understanding why folks choose to disassociate themselves from the church, our complete lack of inventiveness is conspicuous.

All we have is  the tree of life and the  metaphor of folks letting go of the  iron rod  and getting lost in the mists of darkness.   That’s it.   Why do folks let go of the rod, you might ask?   Our explanations are impressively uninsightful and incomplete (when they aren’t completely inaccurate).   We generally assume a combination of foolishness, sin, and arrogance, and then get on with the Sunday school lesson.

We can do better than that.   For those of us in the cheap seats, we know that getting up here takes effort.   We didn’t get distracted by something shiny and then wander up forty flights of stairs by accident.   As I’ve said before, looked at the right way, we’ve climbed a small mountain.   We should feel like we’ve accomplished something.

Or here’s another metaphor.   Imagine you’re sitting in an inner tube-one of those big black ones-floating lazily down a slow-moving river.   It’s a sunny day, and the water is pleasantly cool.   You’re with a group of friends and you’re enjoying yourself.   Both sides of the river are lined with trees and other vegetation.   You can tell from your reclined position in the inner tube that the river runs between two fairly steep embankments-and that it would be a difficult climb through trees and underbrush to get to the top on either side.   You start to say something to your best friend, but then notice that he (or she) is busy paddling to the shore.   You watch as your friend gets out of the water and begins the difficult hike up the side of the embankment.

There are two questions that need to be asked about this metaphor.   First, why is it difficult to get to the top of the embankment?   Second, why would somebody want to?

These are two different questions-and each requires its own post.   Next week I’ll talk about the metaphorical underbrush that makes the hike to the top of the embankment difficult, particularly in a bathing suit and flip-flops.   The week after I’ll talk about what motivates folks choose to cut their day of tubing short.

For now, let’s hear your take on it.   Why is it hard?   Why do people do it?

I suspect the real story isn’t much like the version we get in Sunday school.

*I just read a post by a descendant of Levi Ward Hancock, Fanny Alger’s uncle, whose son later claimed Levi had married Joseph and Fanny in April of 1833.